r/relationshipgoals

I’m 38, Italian, having just had a birthday. I’m a year into a relationship with an extraordinary 28-year-old Nepali guy who lives in Lisbon ten years of difference between us.

Our story feels like something out of a romance novel.
I was in Lisbon during the 2025 Europride, and I met him casually (I no longer use apps) during the day, in a restaurant, while my friends were ordering lunch and I just ordered a beer. At first I was pretty rude and didn’t even look at the waiter. It had been a long night, and I hadn’t exactly been an angel at Trump’s the night before - the count doesn’t matter, but I avoided, by sheer luck, anything more than kissing. Strong kissing, let’s use that euphemism. So when he came to bring the orders and I casually met his eyes, I was stunned, by the kindness in them, by how beautiful he was, and ashamed, at the same time, at how I’d treated him. Ashamed, and, I’ll admit, wanting more than just a kiss from him. I’ve never claimed to be a saint.

We finished and left, but by chance my friend had an issue to sort out, so I went back. For a good ten minutes I had to gather all my courage to re-enter the restaurant and ask for his Instagram. To my surprise, he gave it to me and asked if he could hug me. Of course I said yes.
On Instagram we arranged to meet after his working hours, at a pub in Bairro Alto. Long story short: something clicked, and he timidly, after a beer, asked if he could kiss me. I said yes. I still remember the softness of that kiss. There were more, and it was amazing and it has been every time since. I woke up to the softness of his voice, because I was at risk of losing my flight.
After that, nobody else was ever on my mind. I went back to Lisbon just two weeks later - we’d been writing every day since and asked him if he wanted to be my boyfriend. When I asked him, I genuinely wanted a monogamous relationship, though I understand that 2,000 km is quite a distance, and I’d rather compromise than lose him over it. I never placed any restriction on him, just asked for honesty, and offered the same in return. I never had to search for, or even felt the desire for, anybody other than him.

Since then, we’ve tried to meet once a month and video-call twice a day, not always successfully. For three weeks he lived with me in Italy, since our plan to go to Nepal together fell through because of the civil war. Now it’s been more than a year, and I feel that I really want him in my life. I planned it and told him I loved him during sunset at Miradouro da Senhora do Monte, with a symbolic ring, not an engagement, but something that meant, for me, that no one had ever been so important.

And now the questioning part, thanks for the patience and for reading this far. What should I do? I’m planning to move to Portugal, but it’s difficult. I’m a team and tech leader software engineer for a major company, and he’s a waiter. I’ve learned Devanagari/Nepali and Portuguese, both at A2, but I’m also beginning to get fed up with Italy itself, and my kind of job in Portugal and in Europe more generally would pay somewhere between 18% and 50% more than what I earn here. For my kind of work, several other countries offer special detaxation regimes - Portugal, for instance, would cut my taxes to a flat 20% if I moved there.

Since I don’t intend to leave anything rashly, only in a calculated way, I’ve been wondering whether I should first discuss with my company whether they’d let me work remotely, keeping in mind I’d still need the rest of the year in Italy after 183 days to preserve my fiscal residency. I’ve also started wondering whether Portugal is even the only option - I have a solid B2 in Spanish, so Spain comes to mind, and I’ve thought about Holland or Denmark too.

What would you do? I really think he’s my soulmate, and in many ways he’s proven it. But still I’m thinking about the age difference, the cultural background and shock, and anything else I might be blindly ignoring. What would you say?

Edit: paragraphs and grammar

Edit: fiscal residency

My girlfriend sent me a picture of her dream engagement ring. It's beautiful. Oval cut. Platinum band. Hidden halo. She loves it…

She doesn't know I'm planning to propose. But she's been dropping hints…

I looked up the ring at a luxury boutique. The price made my stomach drop. $12,000. I can't afford that. Not right now

So I started looking. I found a Ritani diamond rings shop and one almost identical to her dream ring but with a lab grown diamond. Like it’s the same cut and the same setting. As I said almost identical. It's a fraction of the price

It looks amazing and the reviews are good. People say that it sparkles like a natural diamond. As for me, it's conflict-free solution and it's within my budget

But something makes me nervous. It feels too good to be true. Is there a catch? Will she notice the difference? Is lab-grown as real as everyone says?

I know she wants something beautiful and I want to give that to her. Without going broke… We still have a life to live

Has anyone proposed with a lab-grown diamond? Did your partner love it? Did anyone question it?

I need a reality check before I click bu and I want to get this right for her

So to summarise quickly. My boyfriend had been together for a year, it was serious. He’d buy me gifts, buy my family gifts, call me every night, pay for dates for us, make time for me and say the sweetest words, always bring me up. He would act obsessed. We had a few mishaps where 7 months ago he added a coworker behind my back and was texting her as a friend for maybe a week or two. I caught the notification on his phone (although he deleted the chat the second i asked to see it so i never saw the chat.)

Well two months ago i found out that he had been texting an old female friend from college every single day for four months and hiding it from me fully.

He brought up the suggestion to her to meet up sometime, while he was in our local mall she texted him asking where he was and he went, met up w her to say hello and catch up and then left, and he’d been telling her he is fully single.
She sent me the screenshot where she says to him ‘why do you keep unadding me and adding me back a few hours later some nights? I feel like you have a gf and we should stop speaking,’ and he responds saying ‘why are you interrogating me, nothing like that is going on and even if it was, it doesnt matter that i text you.’

I was his girlfriend this whole time, he was telling me he wants to marry me and for four entire months every single day hes been texting her, talking to her, telling her he is single and lying to me. I also assume he was unadding her whenever he came to see me as he was always showing me his snapchat and how there were no girls (she was never on there when he showed me) but now he says ‘nono i was removing her because my parents check my phone.’ Which is hilarious really bc he has a second account specifically to switch to when his parents check his phone so he wouldnt need to unadd her.

Ive left him.
His own best friend/basically cousin messaged me saying my ex did nothing wrong he just had a female friend.
AITA for believing what my boyfriend did was emotional cheating? I feel crazy and my ex just says ‘well i only spoke to her friendly!’ Even the girl told me he never actually made romantic moves when they spoke. But he lied to me, wanted her attention everyday for four months enough that he would risk our relationship to have it and was telling her he was single!! Hes even unadded every other female friend he used to have with no problem so clearly this one mattered. He would also still be speaking to her had i not have FOUND OUT, he admitted that himself.