r/selfconcept

How do I feel good about myself again?

I’m 28. Single. Back in school so i’m currently living with my parents. All my friends are engaged or married, having kids, and making good money. It feels like there’s no one single left. I love my friends but nothing about our hangout sessions make me feel excited. I miss having joy and less stress. I don’t like what I see in the mirror anymore. Im a healthy weight but it’s distributed differently. I notice signs of aging. I have social anxiety. Live in a small town so I know everyone already and don’t feel like I can reinvent myself.

I practice positive self talk but nothing about my life backs up what I say. I’m lonely and feel behind. I have no one to get dressed up and go out with. No one to travel with. No one to go out and meet people with. I miss having people to go shopping with it just causally chill with too. Hanging out with friends is just planning brunch a week in advance with a designated start and end time.. Logically I know I am doing what I need to do to get on my feet, so I can move away and restart. But for right now I feel trapped and like my youth is wasting away.

I have no one to hype me up and I think I really need that. So here I am, asking strangers online to do just that. Kinda pathetic but my brain can’t seem to do it on its own. Please give me your best advice, or share with me what you say to yourself when you need to feel better about your life.

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It is finding someone who you feel in your bones that you'll be patient for them no matter what happen. For who you decide that you'll not give up easily. For who you feel that you'll practice patience.

True Love is a war that need patience. Cheap love is easy. It's affection. It's infatuation. But true love demands patience.

But thing is sometimes some people don't deserve your patience. They misuse your patience. They play with your patience. Don't give them the gift of patience.

You know who deserve such patience? You. You deserve such patience for yourself. The patience you always had for yourself which by mistake you granted to someone else who don't deserve it , now you need to get back that patience. You can't make yourself love yourself in a day. You need to be patient with yourself.

Return such patience to yourself. Are you ready to give yourself such patience. Because you are not cheap. It need time. You can't win yourself easily like those cheap tricks of attention and affection others do. But it will be worth it. You are an investment that always return. Decide to have patience for yourself. And that is self love.

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"I trust myself"

This is a better affirmation for self love then the "I love myself" , where there is trust , there is automatically love. We seek trust from others and where we feel we are getting trust , we love them.

Trust means safety and safety means love. Love can't exist where there is no trust.

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Give your inner grumpy some love

Be as if there is a grumpy version of you , now imagine saying "I love you" to this grumpy you.

The science behind this is there is a grumpiness unlovedness in you that need love. But when you only say "I love you" , you are not saying it to that part and the "you" part is unclear. You need to address that grumpy part of you as another you and fill it with love. Give that part love.

When you say I love you to this grumpy you , you dont expect love back, but you still feel good to give that part love. It create a potential in you. Usually when you say "I love you" in traditional way , you immediately expect to feel love, but now you don't expect to get love, and the irony is you'll get love because in the process of giving love to that grumpy you , you feel unconditionalness , and that is true love.