Being a dep is more lonely than I expected…
I don’t know if this is the right place for this, but basically I wanted to know if anyone has any advice for me. I recently landed my first dep agreement with a long-running West End show (and a popular one at that - not going to say any more specifics because if my colleagues figured out who I am I’d be so embarrassed). I’m loving the show, and learning my tracks, and I’m really proud of myself because working professionally in technical theatre has been something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time now, since I was a kid.
But one thing I can’t seem to shake is how lonely I feel being a dep. I can’t quite explain it, but even though I’m over a month in, and my HOD says I’m part of the team now… I still feel like I’m an outsider. I hear the full-timers in my department talking and hanging out together before/between shows, and while I know I can join them I just feel like I’m an extra person that they don’t really want around and I can’t shake that feeling. How do I make connections and build professional working relationships when I feel like I’m intruding all the time?
I’m hoping to try and get some more dep roles under my belt soon (which is a whole other can of worms because I don’t have any idea how to even start doing that - this one was a pure case of right-time right-place) and maybe that will help? But the constant fear is there that I won’t, and maybe this show will stop offering me shifts and I’ll be stuck with nothing again… or maybe I’ll get more and still feel like this? I’m definitely getting caught in my own head here, so I just want to know if anyone who’s been in my position has any advice for getting out of this cycle of doubt?
EDIT: everyone’s been so lovely in the replies - I’m going to take all your advice and trust that it will feel better the more I calm down and ride it out! Thank you everyone :)