r/women_in_recovery

Thinking of trying Suboxone to see if it helps . Do dr.s just let you try Suboxone for 30 days or so or do you need to commit for long-term?Just concerned if have to have surgery soon.

I've made several posts about getting to rehab. That is happening, but I'm not there yet. I had an intake at a great place yesterday, and the counselor said they'd call within 3 business days...they also gave me a card and told me to call them beforehand too.

I need to get admitted asap. My use has returned and progressed to a point I never imagined I'd come back to. I'm either drinking, high, strung out,—or sober, but so depressed and sleep deprived that I'm basically just as dysfunctional anyway. I'm doing everything I can to get to rehab, but the longer it takes the more I deteriorate. The more I deteriorate, the more everything feels unmanageable, and that stress only makes me want to use even more.

I was not like this two months ago. I was actually capable of handling life's hard shit. But ever since I started relapsing, it's gotten easier and easier to continue. Now, I'm using the excuse that because I'm going to rehab, I have free rein to do fuck all until then. I know it's irrational. I know I'm harming myself. I know I'm suffering so much more by not being sober.

But I can't stop. My days are spent existing, not living. There isn't even a hesitation before I head out to buy more alcohol. Even though I'm nearly broke, I seriously consider getting a bag instead of food. I stopped going to meetings. I don't make plans with friends. I've totally abandoned my yoga practice. I haven't been to the gym in weeks.

The only thing I've been capable of doing is trying to get to rehab. I've been reaching out to my friends, and those connections are all currently centered around support for getting me into treatment. I feel like I'm annoying. I don't like being so heavily dependent. I'm exhausted, and I dissatisfied with how I'm showing up right now.

The worst part is how numb I feel. This is one of the most miserable experiences of my life, and my substance abuse has me feeling totally disconnected from any feeling that matters. My friends all know where I'm at. They're offering support, but I don't want to rant at them about how utterly powerless I feel right now. I feel like a husk of who I am, and I would be way more distressed by that if I was capable of actually connecting with my feelings.

I have got to get to rehab. I'm getting worse by the week.

Longtime Reddit scroller and commenter, never a poster. had to make a burner because I am drowning and just need people who understand

Trying to spare too many details as it’s all very specific to me but if you need more, happy to answer

Im a married woman in my late 20s with ocd, autism, and ptsd
I am 3 years clean from stimulants, benzos, and drinking.

I went through something extremely traumatic this week and have access to opioids (someone else’s script) . I was never addicted or even abused opioids. They actually scared the fuck out of me. I had them once for a week for a procedure and it was really nice but I could never function like that on a regular

But since this traumatic event this week it’s like a big monster whispering to me. I keep telling myself “just half a one while you’re home alone”
Last night I tried to tell my spouse that they are there and calling to me and I’m a mess. But I backed out. They are the reason I got sober to begin with. They struggled with their own addictions before we met. I am so scared of stressing my partner out or letting them down. I am so scared of letting myself down. I just am drowning. I want that pill so bad. Just one today. I keep telling myself. I know if I just talked to my partner this would be less consuming. But I’m so ashamed of myself I just can’t

I [34F] am still in the process of getting in to rehab. I started communicating with HR weeks ago, and finally finished submitted my request for medical paid leave. With a name change and numerous changes in my address and employment records, it was a whole ordeal. I had to get that submitted before starting treatment because the deadline expires while I'll be in there. And now I'm nervous if I go in before it's fully approved, I might not be available to respond to any issues that require me to take action.

But I really need to get into treatment. I’ve been floundering. I had a beautiful year being clean & sober, but I’ve been relapsing horribly. It's gotten so bad so quickly. I'm seeing myself deteriorate rapidly, falling back into the most self-destructive behaviors I thought I left behind.

I can see myself spiraling, and it's partly because I don't have a therapist anymore. When I started relapsing, my therapist dropped me as a client without warning. I’d been seeing them twice weekly—until one day I came in for a session and they told me I needed a “higher level of care” so therefore they could no longer see me. In leaving, they emailed me a random list of names for counselors and clinics—absolutely none of which take my insurance. They just googled “substance abuse counselors” and sent me their names, without context or even a url. I had to google them myself. I understand if substance abuse is not in their skillset, and it’s fair if they don’t feel qualified to provide the proper level of care, but I have really struggled with the way they went about it. Completely without warning. Immediate and sudden. Devoid of any actual help to even access the level of care they were telling me I needed. I felt abandoned, unsupported, totally overwhelmed. My actions are not their fault, but that’s when I really spiraling.

Everything feels so overwhelming now, and I feel totally out of control.

I’m trying to make it stop. I’ve been feeling so bad about myself, so disappointed with where I’m at right now. I reached for help from the rest of my support system, and felt like I was admitting I wasn’t who they thought I was. I felt like I was somehow betraying them, by telling them what was happening…But I’ve been met with nothing but endless love and compassion. I’ve been struggling to get myself to rehab, and they’re offering so much support in getting me to treatment. Emotional support, logistical support, mental support. Everyone all of a sudden has time for me, filled with care and heartfelt concern. It feels so healing, it made me break down in tears. I’ve never felt loved like this before.

And I feel like I’m failing that love by not being in treatment yet. I’ve made progress though. I got the paid leave submitted. I made dozens of phone calls untilI found two residential treatment centers which take my insurance—one offered me a bed for detox and the other offered me an in-person screening for their residential program tomorrow morning. Today I reserved and paid for a storage unit, so I do have a place to put my stuff while I’m in treatment, because I’m not returning to my apartment, so I just need to wait until my friends with cars can help me transport it…

But I’m really, really struggling. My intermittent relapse has turned into a constant lack of sobriety and it’s killing me. I feel broken and untrustworthy. I can’t take care of simple tasks. I can’t think or even feel, and I’m really, really scared.