u/Character_Boss7823

Longtime Reddit scroller and commenter, never a poster. had to make a burner because I am drowning and just need people who understand

Trying to spare too many details as it’s all very specific to me but if you need more, happy to answer

Im a married woman in my late 20s with ocd, autism, and ptsd
I am 3 years clean from stimulants, occasional benzos, and drinking.

I went through something extremely traumatic this week and have access to opioids (someone else’s script) . I was never addicted or even abused opioids. They actually scared the fuck out of me. I had them once for a week for a procedure and it was really nice but I could never function like that on a regular

But since this traumatic event this week it’s like a big monster whispering to me. I keep telling myself “just half a one while you’re home alone”
Last night I tried to tell my spouse that they are there and calling to me and I’m a mess. But I backed out. They are the reason I got sober to begin with. They struggled with their own addictions before we met. I am so scared of stressing my partner out or letting them down. I am so scared of letting myself down. I just am drowning. I want that pill so bad. Just one today. I keep telling myself. I know if I just talked to my partner this would be less consuming. But I’m so ashamed of myself I just can’t

Longtime Reddit scroller and commenter, never a poster. had to make a burner because I am drowning and just need people who understand

Trying to spare too many details as it’s all very specific to me but if you need more, happy to answer

Im a married woman in my late 20s with ocd, autism, and ptsd
I am 3 years clean from stimulants, benzos, and drinking.

I went through something extremely traumatic this week and have access to opioids (someone else’s script) . I was never addicted or even abused opioids. They actually scared the fuck out of me. I had them once for a week for a procedure and it was really nice but I could never function like that on a regular

But since this traumatic event this week it’s like a big monster whispering to me. I keep telling myself “just half a one while you’re home alone”
Last night I tried to tell my spouse that they are there and calling to me and I’m a mess. But I backed out. They are the reason I got sober to begin with. They struggled with their own addictions before we met. I am so scared of stressing my partner out or letting them down. I am so scared of letting myself down. I just am drowning. I want that pill so bad. Just one today. I keep telling myself. I know if I just talked to my partner this would be less consuming. But I’m so ashamed of myself I just can’t

Longtime Reddit scroller and commenter, never a poster. had to make a burner because I am drowning and just need people who understand

Trying to spare too many details as it’s all very specific to me but if you need more, happy to answer

Im a married woman in my late 20s with ocd, autism, and ptsd
I am 3 years clean from stimulants, benzos, and drinking.

I went through something extremely traumatic this week and have access to opioids (someone else’s script) . I was never addicted or even abused opioids. They actually scared the fuck out of me. I had them once for a week for a procedure and it was really nice but I could never function like that on a regular

But since this traumatic event this week it’s like a big monster whispering to me. I keep telling myself “just half a one while you’re home alone”
Last night I tried to tell my spouse that they are there and calling to me and I’m a mess. But I backed out. They are the reason I got sober to begin with. They struggled with their own addictions before we met. I am so scared of stressing my partner out or letting them down. I am so scared of letting myself down. I just am drowning. I want that pill so bad. Just one today. I keep telling myself. I know if I just talked to my partner this would be less consuming. But I’m so ashamed of myself I just can’t