r/SoberCurious

I stumbled across this part of Reddit a few days ago. Found it fitting. I turned 21 a month ago, and it’s safe to say that I’ve been over doing it, a lot. I feel like at my age, I need to get a hold of it before it can get so much worse. But I’m also just in a state of euphoria about finally being able to buy it whenever I want. I’m starting a full time 9-5 corporate bs job very soon and I can’t have this habit of mine following me there. I think I’m young enough to fix it and shake this habit? Maybe? What should I do. Taking any advice or tips.

I’m 28M. I’m at a point in my life where all the substances have become a thing of the past. Backstory: I smoked cannabis throughout my twenties and I’m now 86 days clean.

Since stopping, I’ve been drinking occasionally, a bit more than I would have when I was smoking, but not to the level I was at with cannabis. I wouldn’t call myself addicted to alcohol.

Yesterday I went out and had a few drinks. I got quite drunk and it reminded me of my teenage years, when I’d drink and do stupid things. I felt like I ruined the night because one of the bartenders had been giving me attitude all evening, so before I left I pulled them aside to ask if there was an issue, and ended up being followed out by the manager. I wouldn’t have done that sober; I’d probably have just ignored it. It reminded me of my younger self.

With 86 days cannabis-free behind me, I think I’m ready to knock everything on the head. I don’t do anything else besides drink occasionally. I’ve got one more birthday celebration coming up where I’ve already agreed to drink, and a trip to Ireland in November to see friends where I’ll also have a drink, as both of these were pre-planned before I made this decision. Beyond that, I want to go fully sober, including on special occasions going forward.

My issue is with dating. I’m still single, and every date seems to involve “drinks?” I also have friends, including the ones I’m going to Ireland with, who love a drink, and I feel like London work culture revolves around drinking too. When I was smoking heavily, drinking never crossed my mind. Now it’s become my one guilty pleasure, every once in a while.

I go to the gym and have access to a spa and pool, but nothing quite hits the same as what a joint or a drink used to give me. By “hit” I mean that sense of “ah” that people chase in life, whatever gives them that lift.

How did people here manage to put their foot down and commit to going sober? And what gave you that same hit elsewhere in life?

Also, how did friendships / relationships with people change? How’s life been since? What have been some of the biggest benefits? Thanks in advanced.

Today I was offered free shots on the house from a hot bartender at a restaurant I was at with a friend and said no… big W

if you’re having a tough time, relapsing , withdrawing on the couch, rinsing and repeating. I’d suggest rehab. I just got out of a rehab in Florida after 8 years of kratom, 1 year of 7oh last year, and quite a bit of extract abuse this year. I thought I couldn’t do it, that I didn’t have time or money or whatever. However, I just got out of a 24 day stint and it was magic. People understand in our culture how bad Kratom is now, I wasn’t ashamed or belittled. I was in a place of like minded people trying to get better. Do it, the medical intervention with meds and classes and amenities will be a far cry compared to just suffering on the couch. Fact of the matter is there’s a reason we all use and I believe we’ll most likely not stay sober for life unless we get to the bottom of this. I did and it feels real this time. I have an 8 month old baby and still managed to have my family support my 24 day stint. There is hope, it can be done. I’ll be 30 days Sober on Wednesday for the first time since I was 15 and I’m 30 now. Good luck ladies and gents.

Realistically.... I know 2 beers one night will turn into a 6 pack nightly, a liquor bottle daily.... Etc, etc..

But could I realistically control it?

Why can't I be somebody who drinks one or two beers now and then for special occasions?

Or maybe at bars etc.

I just passed my 3 month mark, not a drop of alcohol.

But my therapist asked where I'm at with it. If I'd like to continue not drinking or try it occasionally.

And I told him I'd like to continue sobriety. But now I'm having second thoughts on that. If I have his support, maybe I can occasionally drink.

Hey everyone... I'm really struggling with figuring out how to cut back on drinking. I feel like it's something that's completely within my control, except in social situations.

I don't feel like I'm traditionally addicted to alcohol as a substance. I don't have cravings or urges. I never drink alone, and it's easy for me to choose not to drink when I'm home by myself. The problem is that there doesn't seem to be any middle ground. I can't seem to go out, see friends, meet people, and not drink a lot. So my solution has become just staying home... but that's a problem too because I'm very extroverted. I get energy from being around people, I love going out, meeting new people, and having a social life. I'm not using alcohol because I'm shy or anxious to be around people. So it doesn't make sense to me why I rely on alcohol so much once I'm in those environments. I should also mention that I'm not being pressured or guilted by other people... it's pressure I'm putting on myself to show up this way.

Somehow my brain has turned it into an "either/or" situation: either I stay home and don't drink, or I go out and end up drinking a lot. How do I get to a place where I can have both?

Has anyone else dealt with this? Are there any strategies that actually helped?

I'm just so tired of this cycle: working hard all week, spending the weekend hungover, and then starting all over again on Monday. I want to be able to go out, see my friends, go to parties, and have a social life... but I also want to stop drinking, or at least reduce it significantly. Right now, it feels like the only way I can accomplish that is by completely isolating myself, and I don't think that's the answer either.

I'm not necessarily trying to never drink again... I just want to get to a place where drinking feels like a choice instead of something that automatically happens whenever I'm out.

Thanks for reading and any advice you might have!

My bf and I have been tg for a little over a year. He used to abuse stimulants and I just found out he had been taking them behind my back and in return I get treated like shit. He is saying it isn’t him abusing a drug bc it’s a normal dose. I have told him repeatedly I’m not comfortable with him using that at all because of how he treats me and why he uses it. He uses it for dopamine and for his Xbox not for anything useful. I need to know if I’m in the right about this he’s trying to defend himself by saying he has adhd but he treats me like shit the minute he touches any dose of it. Idk what to do anymore I love him but idk what to do I’ll never trust him on this again s he’s done this our entire relationship on and off

I’ve been dealing with a pretty heavy 7oh habit well over 1000 mg daily, and withdrawals were rough whenever I tried stopping.

I kept seeing people mention SR-17018 (SR-17) in discussions, so I decided to give it a shot during tapering. What stood out was how much more manageable the process felt compared to previous attempts.

My wife also tried SR-17 while tapering and actually moved through it faster than I did, with surprisingly minimal discomfort.

I’m curious if anyone else here has used SR-17018 during withdrawal or tapering. Did it help with cravings, sleep, or the physical side of things?

Two weeks sober from 10 years of very heavy weed and kicking the nicotine habit as well in the next few days. I am doing life without my crutch. First few days was hard but it’s gotten better.

not sure if this fits the sub perfectly but wanted to share.

i need to stop using weed as a crutch for everything. i find myself reaching for my vape pen whenever im stressed out, bored, or hanging around people. if it’s in the house, i just end up smoking it without even thinking. im curious how some of you managed to clear the fog and hit the brakes? any advice on how to handle the first couple of weeks would be cool.

Edit: as title says "break". I mean stop it for the rest of my life not just "a year" break

I live in the UAE and work at a British school, and some colleagues decided it would be nice to go out for end of year drinks. We chose a bar we frequent that has weekly ladies nights where women drink free until 11pm. I’ve gone often and love this place for the quick service, music and vibes. When I first moved here I was blown away that you can have unlimited free drinks just because you’re a woman — and I’m still shocked how common these nights are!

I guess I haven’t been back to the bar in the 5 months I’ve been sober, because I found out tonight they no longer offer non-alcoholic drinks for free. Yes, you heard that right! Only alcohol is free.

Gin and tonic? No problem. Shot of tequila? Easy! A Diet Coke? Sorry Miss, not included. They only offer mixed drinks or shots, you can’t even get the alcohol in a separate glass or get a drink for chaser.

Here I am trying to make a conscious choice to be sober in life and during a work outing, while the table is getting rounds of shots at no cost. So not only do I feel like the odd one out, but I have to pay for it too!

I just needed to share this with people who can have a laugh at how dumbfounded I felt! In the moment I felt so frustrated , but as I write this in bed I’m actually laughing at the whole situation. And at the fact I was so stubborn I just ended up sharing some water with a friend, and decided not to order food because I found the whole thing so silly!

I started a strong sober streak, had great encouragement from people in this group, and then went for dinner to a friend's house and when they offered me a beer, I said yes. Some context on my decision: I did not start this journey to be completely sober, just reduce the number of times a week when I drink, because I don't drink to the point of drunkenness very often (done it only once in the past year), but I can drink 4 to 6 beers in a single night, or 3 drinks of whiskey in a single night (when I have some at home, which I try not to do very often).

But, back to my story, after that night where I had 2 beers, I immediately went back to my habit of daily alcohol consumption. Sometimes beer, sometimes seltzers, and last night I bought a new bottle of whiskey and of course had my customary number of drinks. I have again decided to try and go sober for a while and see if I can find a balance in this complex and harmful relationship with alcohol, and once more turn to you for support (I have not posted since I restarted drinking because I felt ashamed).

Any and all ideas on what to do are welcome.

My dating profile said “I like my life alcohol free, drug free, and porn free,” when we matched. As we dated he said he “occasionally has drinks with friends.” As we got to know each other it was much more frequent than I expected or was really comfortable with. In fairness to him it was typically only one or two, but more than I have had around me in almost a decade. Then he started a new career that had him away for 3 months. He started going out on the weekends with work friends to have a beer or two. One night he says he had 5 beers and a shot, but didn’t leave his car. I called it quits.

He says he wants to fight for the relationship. Very recently he asked me to set clear boundaries about alcohol in the relationship.

This is what I want to send….I want some outside feedback, please.
——————————————————————————-
I was asked to set clearer boundaries about my expectations of alcohol in the relationship. I thought I should put this in writing. I hope this is articulate and clear.

My choice to end the relationship was multi-faceted.
I feel like five beers and a shot in a 3-hour window is a very obvious and significant risk. I saw this as a breach of trust. Your judgement without my influence led to a decision that was gambling with your new career, dangerous, and flat out not a smart choice. 

When I expressed my discomfort with it there was no remorse shown. The response was “I’m sorry that pissed you off.” How can I trust there will be smart decisions in the future if you don’t think THIS was a bad decision?

When I asked why alcohol was more present in our lives the response was, “because I don’t think it’s a problem.” Alcohol in MY life IS a problem. It has caused a lot of destruction and pain, and I worked hard to create an environment that includes friends, family, and a home where alcohol is rare. I do not trust that you will hold and protect ME if you believe it is not a problem. This was the final straw which made me say it was a deal breaker.

So how can we re-build trust on this issue?

I need open communication about when you are consuming alcohol. If you’re having a drink I want to know. I need this in order to feel secure in transparency and honesty, and for me to manage my expectations. As partners who live together this feels simple. Just a “heads up, having a drink with so and so.”

I need an advocate for me. I need someone who will actively protect my need to reduce the presence of alcohol in my life. If you want to continue to try to understand, I am open to sharing. I am not open to being convinced about why I should be fine with it. I am willing to be in an environment where others are indulging when I feel included and free to excuse myself. 

“On occasion,” in the Miriam-Webster means “from time to time.” “Occasion,” means “a special event or ceremony.” This, to me, means Christmas (Kelf), New Year’s, Thanksgiving, Fourth of July, your birthday. I don’t mind a responsible drink for special reasons. 

My definition of responsible is to be overly cautious-only one or two drinks if you will be out for more than two hours. Plan to stay or get a ride if indulging in more. Hand the keys over if there is a second driver, even if just consuming one. Choose less or nothing if conditions prevent a second driver (i.e. work vehicle or rental).

I do not consider regular days to be “on occasion,” whether I am present or not. I want a partner that can enjoy the moment without a drink. This includes, but is not limited to, playing video games at home, going out with the guys, tubing on the river, kayaking, dinner night out, reading in the bathtub, camping nights, workouts, sitting at the beach, work sponsored events or dinner with co-workers, and when there’s “nothing else to do.”

I don’t want alcohol around my kids until they are old enough to have conversations about it. Keeping open communication about the risk/reward of consuming alcohol will be very important with my nieces, nephews, and future children. However, I am not okay with encouraging it.

I am not okay with talking about how you wish you had a drink when it’s not present. 

I am not okay with coming home smelling like alcohol.

I’ve never seen this with you, but I am not okay with sloppy drunk.

Alcohol cannot be a reason that I am excluded from an event that you are participating in. Alcohol cannot be a reason you fail to meet a commitment. If it creates a barrier between us, family, or friends, that is an unresolvable problem for me.

In general, respect my sobriety and do not take advantage of my compromise.

This applies to any unprescribed mind-altering substance. This is a boundary for me, and one I am willing to end a relationship over. I can’t fight my partner about this need. I still like my life sober.

I really hope we can find a way to celebrate my sobriety without making you feel like you’re sacrificing everything you enjoy. If reading this makes you feel too restricted, though, we need to acknowledge that. 

Hi, thank you for reading :)!

So I’m going into my junior year of college, and I also have been almost entirely sober this summer for mostly physical health reasons (trying to lose the freshman 15 still 💔💔) and I also upped my ADHD meds and started anti-depressants.

I’ve also been on a big mental high of motivation, mental clarity, and a huge increase of enjoyment in my daily life. I love my hobbies again! Hell, I’m actually DOING my hobbies again! I can’t explain how amazing I was feeling last week about my life. I have a history of depression and anxiety and generally having low energy throughout my day, and it felt like those were finally going away throughout my summer.

I honestly couldn’t pinpoint why I had felt terrible during the school year or went through extreme moods when I should’ve been feeling fine. I thought the reason I was improving so much was due to my meds + working out a lot.

But then last weekend, I drank for the first time since the end of last semester. Literally half a glass of wine one night, half a twisted tea and a shot of vodka the next. Didn’t even get drunk or tipsy, barely buzzed.

The following days since then I have felt like shit. My cognition has been terrible, I’ve been super low motivated, and I’ve been so exhausted that I spent most of the last two days in bed. It’s now that I’m realizing that this has been the cause of similar episodes throughout my time in college.

I’ve really enjoyed “night out” memories with my friends. They’re some of my fondest memories in college. Times when I’m inebriated and care free and happy hanging out with people I love. It doesn’t cause it every time, but I’m now seeing the patterns of my mental state corresponding to time when I drank heavily.

My mental health journey has been really hard, and I’ve made a lot of progress through therapy and medication assisting me. But I’m now realizing that I could have huge benefits by going sober. Like a weight is lifted off my chest at the idea.

The issue is a lot of my social activities for the clubs I’m in include drinking. My closest group of friends joke about being alcoholics. I’m also scared of missing out on “key college memories” by being sober.

I need advice: do I abstain completely, or sacrifice a few weeks during the year to the effects alcohol has on me for the “key moments” for drinking? Like Halloween, silly week, etc? How do I stay social while prioritizing my mental well being? How do I explain it to people without sounding pretentious?