r/SoberCurious

Not really sure what to say, or why I felt the need to post.

I know a lot of people have it way worse than I do. I don't drink everyday, I don't black out every time I drink. I haven't had any health problems crop up from drinking.

Drinking may have cost me a friend last night.

I drank a bottle and a half of wine. I didn't black out, but things are certainly blurry. I said things to my friend that I deeply regret. They have been nothing but a fantastic friend to me, and I was shitting all over them (metaphorically).

Today, I sent a couple apologies, but they have not responded.

It seems like more and more often, when I drink, I do things that I later regret. I decided I need to take an extended break from drinking. How long, I'm not sure.

Anyway, thanks for reading.

I simply don’t like drinking or doing any kind of drug. When I meet new people, especially as an adult surrounded by people who drink, I just tell them that I don’t drink. I think it would be easier to say that I’m sober, but I’m afraid that implies that I’m a recovering alcoholic and I don’t want to offend someone who actually is.

I have been sober-curious for over a year now and have been on and off sober--usually when I feel horrible from partying way too much. Whenever I hit a certain amount of drinks (maybe even just 2), I crave blow and unfortunately it's a little too easy for me to get some in my town and age group. I find that I can't really say no to this drug anymore no matter how much I know it's going to affect me and ruin me the next day. I'll reason with myself because it's the only drug I ever take (I don't do any other drugs ever...not even weed, I hate weed!) I continue to wake up hungover with extreme hangxiety (on top of my bad OCD & PTSD which means I'm ALREADY an extremely anxious person), regretting my choices the night before, feeling horrible and thinking "I hate this so much--I want to be completely sober again. It was so nice. Why do I continue to make these choices?" And then I just find myself in the same boat again once the feeling of shame & anxiety has worn off, I'll go to use again...and then the cycle continues on and on. It is seriously so frustrating and can also feel debilitating at times. I don't go out every night or anything, but I feel like I can't even handle it and keep it chill even on the nights that I do go out. This all started when my mom passed 1.5 year ago. Alcohol & blow didn't have as much of a hold on me until I used it heavily for a couple months right after this event, and then I laid off everything (even cigarettes!) for quite some time. And it was AWESOME...I felt awesome. I felt in love with myself again...doing all of the things that I cared about (working out, cooking, cleaning, sewing, reading, getting enough sleep, etc.) Then I came back to alcohol, my "chill" nights with only 1 drink would eventually turn into crazy nights on the weekends again after a few weeks or months (awake & partying until 7-10am on a weekend). It's like my mom dying totally broke my otherwise ok relationship with alcohol & substances. I really, REALLY want to get it right this time. I think it's important to admit that even though my life isn't falling apart or even anything remotely similar from use, I'm still at a very uncomfortable threshold and that's can be enough for me. I want to re-start my 100% sober journey today. I keep thinking to myself: "The juice just isn't worth the squeeze anymore." I'm so desperate to get this going and hold myself accountable that I came here and posted my thoughts (I'm currently very hungover). Any thoughts, advice, words of support, sober tracking app recommendations are welcome.

Hey New York,

A small business that matters is about to close early... unless the city shows up.

Hekate Café & Elixir Lounge on the Lower East Side has been NYC's home for sober nightlife since 2019. Named the #1 sober bar in America by TimeOut. Covered by The New York Times, CNN, Forbes, Business Insider, and dozens more is a genuine third space for people who want a real night out without alcohol.

They're two months behind on rent. Lease runs through September 30th.

In a city where every interesting small business is getting the squeeze, this one did a lot of good and is worth fighting for.

TL;DR Ive been offered a rare prosthetics/fabrication job opportunity that could become a meaningful long-term career, but I was planning to spend this summer getting sober from certain substances and stabilizing my mental health, sleep, and chaotic home life before returning to work. I’m scared taking the job now will overwhelm me and lead to failure, but I’m equally scared I’ll regret turning it down forever.
I have until 1:00 tomorrow to decide

The long version:

I need help deciding whether to take a job opportunity or step back and focus on getting my life stable first.
For context: I’m a single mom of two boys and things at home have been extremely unstable lately. One of my kids has severe behavioral and emotional issues right now, and my home life has basically been constant stress/crisis mode for months. I’ve also been struggling mentally and emotionally myself and honestly feel pretty burnt out.
I recently got offered a job at a Clinic doing fabrication/prosthetics-related work. It’s actually a really cool opportunity and not something that comes along often. I have a background in welding/fabrication and hands-on work, and part of me feels like this could potentially become a meaningful long-term career path instead of just another random job.
The problem is that I don’t feel ready.
I’ve been on unemployment and had a plan to use this summer to finally quit meth and reset my life while my kids are away for a short period of time. The idea was to use that time with fewer responsibilities to get through withdrawal, stabilize my sleep, mental health, routines, and overall functioning before trying to return to work. Right now my sleep schedule is wrecked, my stress tolerance is awful, and I honestly feel emotionally fried.
Part of me thinks taking this job right now would be self-sabotage because:
it’s a steep learning curve,
it matters medically to people,
I’d need to be mentally sharp and reliable,
and I’m scared I’d fail because I’m not stable yet.
But the other part of me is terrified of losing this opportunity forever.
I’ve already burned bridges employment-wise in the past due to attendance and instability, so I’m scared if I turn this down I’ll regret it for years. I’m also scared that if I stay home to “work on myself,” I’ll just isolate, lose momentum, and end up even worse off.
So basically my choice is:
Take the opportunity now and try to force myself forward even though I feel mentally unprepared.
Turn it down (or delay working) and focus on getting sober, stabilizing my home life, sleep, mental health, and routines first.
What would you choose and why?

Myself (32f) and my husband (40m) have been trying for the better part of the last year to be sober. As weekend drinkers, we realized we had a problem when we couldn’t stop and a few drinks became not remembering most of the night. Arguments while drinking, waking up hungover every Saturday, being bad influences to our young children, health are all reason why we want to quit.

Drinking has been a huge part of both of our lives and cultures, it still is. Everyone we spend time with drinks. Everything we love to do is based around drinking. We go camping, we drink around the fire. We go out to lunch, we go to a brewery. We have friends over for dinner, shots. A bbq and pool day in the backyard, nice day to have a beer and so on. It’s so hard to change that mind set because a nice cold beer makes everything better but it never stops at just one. It’s so extremely difficult to retrain your brain and learn how to live a sober lifestyle!!

Every time we shoot for sobriety, we fail because we want to spend time with our friends and family-and there will almost always be alcohol involved. Over time we’ve distanced ourselves from the only people we have as support because we don’t want to drink. This has caused strain on our relationships and has made us lonely. Yes there are instances where we can do things where alcohol can’t be involved but you find yourself mourning the old activities that you can’t partake in now because you’ll be tempted to drink. We overbook our weekends so if an invite comes, we have an excuse as to why we can’t see our loved ones.

Anyway we’re two weeks back on the wagon and we’re proud of that! We have a camping trip with a group of light drinking friends and their kids (mostly my old friends from high school) next weekend. They’re our responsible friends, but they still enjoy a few beers on a sunny day. We won’t feel as much pressure other than self pressure because we NEVER camp without a drink but we’re going to give it a shot (no pun intended). I’m worried and not looking forward to my favorite hobby because it’s going to be a mental struggle the whole time. Husband is worried because he has always used booze as a social lubricant and doesn’t really know who he is socially when he isn’t greased up. He has absolutely no control when drinking, and I say this with all the love in my heart for this man but I absolutely despise the person he becomes when he has too much to drink. I’m worried he will break, drink too much and embarrass us in front of this group of friends. I think I’ll have to stay strong for the both of us. We’ve talked about just having a few drinks after the kids are asleep but it’s never just a few.

If you’ve made it this long, thanks for reading my rant. I’m struggling and just needed a place to get this off my chest.

TLDR- losing friends and changing lifestyle to be sober is a daily struggle and I’m tired.

I used to think I was stuck in a Jekal and Hyde situation with the alcohol where the drunk version of me was jekal an uncontrollable sinister copy of my true self
That she was the embodiment of every thing that was wrong with me, real and perceived
The procrastination the laziness the disorganization I truly believed that all these things were a direct effect of the drinking

Now however,

I’ve been sober 3 months and all the things I thought were a result of the drinking are still here
I’m sitting in my living room rn and there’s a pile of stuff I need to get done
I’m stuck in a cycle of endlessly reaching for this ideal version of my self and somehow always coming short

Now, it’s been been 91 days since I last drank and there’s no difference in my life idk

Sigh

There was never jekal and Hyde it was all me

Idk how I feel about that lol

So ive recently had some health troubles and ive been trying to kick the drugs and booze the big ones honestly werent a problem for me personally as it was only occasional same with the booze but kicking weed has really fucked me. Not smoking isn’t the hard part for me it’s finding the motivation to do anything. I don’t know if any other stoners will relate but I pretty much used it as an adhd med to give myself enough dopamine to function and now I just lay in bed at day. Im falling behind at uni and my room is never clean. I just dont want to do anything. i know its part of the process but this isnt sustainable for me and i need some other kind of reward system to get myself to want to do things. Has anyone else had this or any ideas to counter it?

I’ve read that if you’ve drank heavy long enough that quitting cold turkey can give you a stroke

Hi!

I'm a 27M, and over the past few years, my alcohol consumption has steadily increased. I'm now at the point where I worry about its long-term impact on both my physical and mental health.

I used to only have a few drinks here and there, but over time, it crept up on me in terms of both volume and frequency. It mainly started because drinking is a big social staple in the cities I've lived in, and I come from a family of drinkers—though at this point, they probably drink less than I do. Now, my consumption ranges from about 2 drinks if I'm being "good" to 5 or 6 if I'm being "bad." I really only take a day or two off a week nowadays, meaning I probably have around 12 to 20 drinks most weeks, if I'm being honest.

I don't drink during the day and I don't experience behavioral issues from alcohol, but I struggle a lot with moderation after the first one or two. Once I start to feel good, I just want to keep the good times going. That often leads to having too many, which results in a hangover and awful anxiety the next day. It really messes with my mental health, on top of poisoning my internal organs, haha.

I've done Dry January twice and had great experiences, but whenever I try to cut back afterward, I always end up right back where I started—having one night where I overdo it and getting sucked back into the same cycle.

I've spoken to my partner and family about it, but they all assure me that it doesn't seem like I have a problem and that I'm just building it up in my head (which I admittedly tend to do, oops). Because of that, I feel like I'm in a weird middle ground where I know it might not be healthy for me, but the people around me don't see an issue.

It's also hard to imagine a world where I don't drink at all, or even just cut it out for a while. I genuinely enjoy the taste of beer and cocktails, and I love checking out new bars and breweries.

I don't know if anyone has any advice for moving forward or any personal experiences to share, but I'd love to hear them!

As I think back through my entire sobriety journey, I am so grateful for the last 10 years of growth and love and support and development. I don’t do meetings. I just make sure that I am a parent to my kids and that they don’t know how difficult it had been for me and I’m so honored to be alive.

I found Myself early on in the process, and I was so grateful that I made the decision to do what I needed to do in order to be the best mother the best sibling the best daughter, the best everything I could possibly be.

I relish that perfection doesn’t exist and I don’t pretend to be perfect. To those of you who have many years ahead of me and to those of you who are just starting. Keep it up don’t give up and look for love in all of the places where you deserve it.

I made it 15 hours with the intent of taking a break from smoking. But I gathered all our smoking things and noticed there was enough for one good bong hit. I knew I shouldn’t. But I did it and Idk why.

I had a sober morning, felt like shit mentally but forced myself to go to the park and walk, went grocery shopping and within 10 minutes of being home, I caved! Man this sucks to know how weak I am.

See with alcohol, the damage was immediate and it was obvious, so it made quitting easier. But with weed, the damage is subtle but it builds onto each day. I’m exhausted, I’m unmotivated, I tell myself I’m content despite knowing deep down I’m not. I’m constantly thinking myself into anxiety attacks when I smoke.

Im distracted and only doing half of the hard work. Quitting alcohol was easy, quitting Xanax was easy, but quitting all my distractions has been damn near impossible. No matter how many breaks I take from smoking or how long those breaks are, it’s always as if I never stopped at all. I abuse smoking weed a lot like I did drinking alcohol. Can never quite get enough. Chasing my escape. I used to hide inside my head all day as a kid and substances help me get back there even if I end up torturing myself the whole time I’m there.

I’ve been going too hard for too long smoking weed and I feel like a zombie. I’m not so sure I even enjoy it anymore though I crave it so intensely. It destroys my life in a totally different way than alcohol did. It’s a slow burn… It helps my mind sabotage all of the hard work I’ve already been putting in, all for slithers of “comfort” that ain’t even that comfortable after all. It causes me to replay everything that’s ever been wrong, breaking everything down and overanalyzing shit I cannot change.

I know sober life isn’t “boring,” it’s peaceful just without the familiar chaos, it feels “boring” because you’re safe and things are calm, but still, I fear a totally sober life. The thought of it feels so isolating and lonely.

Hey everyone. I’m new here.

I’m not coming in as someone who has everything figured out. Honestly, I’m here because I started noticing patterns in my own relationship with alcohol that I could no longer explain away.

For a long time, I thought the fact that I wasn’t drinking every day meant I was “fine.” But eventually I had to get honest about the fact that alcohol affected me very differently depending on the situation, my stress level, my emotions, and what was happening in my life underneath the surface.

What’s been interesting to me is realizing how much of this seems connected to the nervous system, emotional overload, relief-seeking, and the stories we tell ourselves about drinking — not just “willpower.”

I’m here mostly to listen, learn, notice patterns, and maybe contribute where I can with honesty and compassion.

Anyway… glad to be here.

Cocaine has turned me right into a weirdo.
I don’t even enjoy it now. I get some bags i sniff i play some football manager player some music on the background. Flick through social media, masturbate ( this can go on up to 10-12 hours ) it’s serious power wanking. ( sorry to share )

I struggle with psychosis regularly the elements are auditory hallucinations. I can be chilling but hearing arguing or shouting in the other room (when there’s nobody else here) or I would hear songs playing. Sometimes i get whispers in my ear.

I also go through phases when I’m sniffin where I think there’s spiders crawling on my head (a good scratch) and there’s nothing there. I call that “spidey tingle “

This has been going on 5 years or so it’s normal to me. But it’s not normal tho is it.

Im going to call a doctor and get help. Thing is I don’t even know anyone that is sober. I feel like I’m in this alone, EVERYONE around me does some sort of drug. That will be hard.

Im going to do it

The minute I got to the airport the cravings started.

The airport pint. The wine with breakfast that everyone else seemed to be having without a second thought. I could almost feel the anxiety and cravings sitting beside me at the gate. Months of hard work suddenly felt fragile, like it could all unravel before I’d even boarded the plane.

The plane wasn’t much better. People ordering beers before take-off, couples clinking plastic cups like the holiday had officially started.

But landing in Greece was the real shock.

That first terrace. The heat in the air. The waiter smiling and asking if we wanted a beer like it was simply part of arriving. Our old ritual. “Happy holidays.” The first cold drink overlooking the sea.

I almost cracked.

What frightened me wasn’t just wanting a drink — it was the force of it. The speed of it. It felt physical, like my brain had been lying dormant waiting for sunshine, airports and Greek tavernas to wake it back up again.

I genuinely thought I’d be stronger than that by now.

I thought nearly 70 days sober would mean freedom.

Instead, for a few moments, it felt like all my hard work was hanging by a thread held together by pure stubbornness. And the strangest part was nobody around me even knew there was a battle happening.

I’m four days into the holiday now and I’ve realised something strange.

The mornings are beautiful.

Really beautiful.

Coffee in the sun. Quiet seas. Swimming. Reading. Feeling healthy and calm in a way the old me never really allowed herself to be.

But the nights are hell.

As the sun starts going down it’s like a switch flicks somewhere in my brain. Everyone around me relaxes into wine, cocktails and that carefree holiday feeling I used to live for, while I sit there trying to wrestle cravings, anxiety and this horrible feeling that I’m somehow missing the point of being away.

It’s exhausting acting normal while your mind is arguing with itself across the dinner table. By nighttime I feel completely drained.

Because when I’m at home, sober life has started to feel manageable. I have routines now. The gym. Morning coffees. Swimming. Better sleep. Clearer thinking. Somewhere along the way I genuinely started believing maybe I was past the hard bit. Maybe I’d fixed it.

So I came to Greece thinking it would be easy. Healthy food, sea swimming, sunshine, early nights. I pictured myself glowing with wellness while drinking fresh orange juice overlooking the sea.

Instead, I realised holidays are memory banks. Airports, terraces, late dinners, cold beers in the heat, wine at sunset — every part of it was tied tightly to the old version of me.

I think that’s what shocked me most. Not that I truly miss alcohol itself, because I don’t miss the fear, blackouts or shame. It was realising how quickly my brain still recognised holiday = drink immediately.

And yet here I am.

Four days in.

Still sober.

The nights are hard. Sometimes really hard. But every morning I wake up relieved I protected this version of myself instead.

Help. I want to stop smoking thc (but I don’t; but I truly do). I feel stuck in this cycle. I smoke too much, I spend too much, I smoke more because I’m financially stressed and over all stressed. I am anxious and on edge when I don’t smoke, but it’s all I think about (not literally but kind of). I feel too grown and feel pathetic to be smoking so much. Help.

Thanks in advanced yall.

I put down the marijuana almost a year ago. I never intended to become sober forever but 1 week turned into 30 days then 90, etc. I was in between jobs and felt it was best not to get high and be unemployed.

Now that I’ve been working this new job, i have times where I want to smoke again. It won’t be until I hit 1 year of sobriety b/c at this point might as well hit that goal (currently at 233). But I’ve been doing cigars lately and feel like i shouldn’t ingest all that tobacco. If I’m going to smoke, I’d rather it just be plain marijuana. What should I do?

I literally sit here everyday try to find one reason and I can’t think of anything. I don’t know how long I wanna be here to tell y’all the truth. I’m 30 and I just can’t deal anymore. I hate being human I hate bodily functions I hate not being able to lose weight I hate how everything is so expensive I hate the body aches I hate the lower back pain. I HATE EVERYTHING. I’m already on six different psych medications which aren’t working that I been on since I was 20. & soboxone. And they just keep experimenting and nothing works. I been sober off opioids for three years and I hate it everyday my DOC is pretty much everything my last time I got high was a couple months ago on blow but mainly it’s opioids. I was thinking ketamine treatment but does anyone else feel this way? or am I genuinely going crazy…

Old Saturday: wake up at 11 a.m., hungover, eat junk food, scroll, half-attempt the gym Sunday, feel behind on Monday.

New Saturday: in the gym at 6 a.m. after 6 hours and 53 minutes of sleep, including 2 hours and 36 minutes of deep sleep (yeah, I'm a GARMIN MAXXER, sorry) and only 4 minutes awake all night. A 45-minute strength session completed before most people get out of bed. The rest of the day is extra.

Getting sober is also about unlocking the best hours of the week. The cheat code is to be sober on Saturday from 6 a.m. to 10 a.m. Nobody is awake. The gym is just empty. And empty gyms are the blessing.