r/SoberAndHateIt

I got sober 1 year and 9 months ago. I was heavily using H for over a decade. I put in the work to get and stay sober after basically being given no other choice by my husband. But after the pink cloud cleared, I realized I was getting more and more miserable each day. Every day is the same shit, and I'm so damn close to breaking and fucking it all away. And what's worse is the constant anger and attitude I have towards my husband because I feel resentment towards him. I constantly feel like such a bitch. For context, I'm a 38-year-old F, married for about 16 years now, and my husband is retired, so we're basically always together, which is part of the problem. He literally never wants to do anything, and we only have one car, so I'm dependent on him to go anywhere or do anything. We don't even have sex anymore. I'm bored out of my fucking mind, I'm tired of being stuck in this damn house, and I'm sick of feeling like I'm the only one who's unhappy with things the way they currently are. The only good thing that's come from being sober is that I have saved our family money. But aside from that, I hate it. I feel like I'm losing my damn mind. I thought our relationship would get better after getting sober, but it only opened my eyes to the fact that it's dead. Thanks for letting me vent. Sorry I'm all over the place.

I’ve been sober for 110 days (yes, Father’s Day. I’m a stereotype I know.) At my worst I was drinking a 750 nearly everyday. I got sober because the people i loved most in life were fed up with me and didn’t like my temper when I was drunk. Granted, it was a pretty nasty temper.

I’ve always been very outgoing and friendly, especially for an introvert. I’m on the spectrum and I am great at masking! I became quite the little social butterfly while I was drinking too. Made it easier. Felt like I belonged in the room instead of just sitting there analyzing it.

So, I figured that after a few months of sobriety, I’d be my happy, bubbly, sweet lil self again and all would be good.

Fast forward to today, I laid in my bed for almost a month sweating, swearing, and sulking, came out the other side. Didn’t die of withdrawal! Yay! I’m ready to interact with people again!

Since sobriety, I find I have little patience for just about anyone, or anything. Someone asking a harmless question because they don’t know something? Belittle them. Someone happy about something that doesn’t involve me? Bring them down. I notice it happen, I fucking hate it, and I feel like I’m not in control of it. I would go on weird rants and stuff while drunk, but those were like weird, typical, drunk psychosis rants. This is like, I’m being actually mean and I don’t know how to stop it. It’s not the same as “the temper” I had when I was drinking, those would come and pass quickly and neatly, this is like a constant shadow and it slips out unexpectedly.

I made a grown woman cry in the grocery store a couple weeks ago and felt so fucking horrible I apologized and offered to buy her groceries (she was only getting some soap and some milk) and she thought I was mocking her further. I didn’t used to be mean like this.

I have had a very, very rough life. My upbringing was fucking hell and I immediately shackled myself to a ten year long relationship with a man who didn’t even like me at all and who I honestly didn’t like either straight out of high school. I know WHY I have all this negativity, I know WHERE it comes from, I don’t know how to control it.

I’m trying therapy. It’s “helping” in the sense that it’s making me more immediately aware of it when it’s coming/happening, but I still can’t catch my mouth/fingers before it comes out. I don’t want to be mean anymore…

Idk what I’m even looking for here, I guess just a place to rant in front of people who might know what I’m talking about.

TLDR: I’m a lot shorter and meaner now that I’m sober and I don’t know how to fix it/if it’s fixable.