I want to decenter my father and remove him from my life
Hello, I am hoping this type of post is allowed. I am understand 4B usually pertains to romantic relationships, however I was wondering if anyone here has cut contact with their father? And what was the turning point? I suppose I’m afraid that my reasoning isn’t “good enough” to cut contact with him, or that I’m just “exaggerating”.
Frankly, I have a strained relationship with my father. On paper, our family seems put together. However, behind closed doors, my father is misogynist, a white supremacist (while having mixed race children), angry, and vain. He is a deeply insecure man and has projected his shortcomings unto our entire family. He’s obsessed with upholding his image and appearance, and constantly sucks up to other men. For as long as I can remember, he has always made me feel horrible about myself, always telling me I won’t do something, how I never want anything bad enough, how I don’t try at anything, and a slew of other things. Merely being in his presence is enough to constantly rattle my self esteem.
I remember the last time I tried to write him a birthday card, there was nothing to write. Instead, I started crying. And in fact, I’m crying while writing this post. Every time I write in my journal, I always fantasize about how I will cut contact with him.
I never truly realized how much he has affected me until now. I made a goal to get away from him. I’m still young, only a year into my first real job after college, but I want to pack up my entire life and get away from him. In a month, I’m leaving my job to go backpacking, and I have plans to move to another country after. I’m financially independent. I don’t want to speak to him for a long, long, time. But sometimes, I wonder if I will regret a decision like this, because he’s my dad. But I resent him so much, and I rage at the thought of him.
So tell me, does anyone here have an estranged relationship with their father despite them not doing anything “horrible” to you?