u/-_-3k

I will never understand pro abortion. People want babies to be born so bad, like they care so much for human life. But they never think about post birth. Child development is very important. The environment you're born in makes you, for the rest of your life. Bad habits are hard to destroy and your values are imbedded in you. Everything you learn or experience, starting from your birth, will be important to who you become and do. Something so simple like an argument could traumatize a kid for life. If you insult a kid for minor things, and condition them to be used to it, they will become insecure, paranoid, pessimisitc, and self degrative. Starting that kind of mindset will take years of learning and reassurence to lessen it. There was an experiment, a mere baby, was conditioned to be scared of furry, animals. (you may search it up) the baby gained ptsd, after he passed away, his family informed people that he had a strange fear for animals. Dogs, cats, whatever it may be, from baby to death. Infamous serial killers grew up in an abusive household. Ed Gein had a calm, mannered, and respectful personality. But he also had a lamp shade made out of skin and various furniture made out of human body parts. He had an abusive father and a controling mother. What could he have become if he were born into a loving family?

"Humans have the right to be born" okay, so what if they wouldn't want to be? What if someone was born into a financially unstable, unloving, and dangerous household? "well that doesnt matter, those are little things and not worse than killing a human being" that just sounds insensitive. Its like guiding a tourist into a thunderstorm knowingly. People want mothers to face loneliness, work multiple jobs, and be emotionally there for a complete human just because society said so. I am 14 and I can barely take care of two cats. I struggle feeding my cats when im gone for school for SEVEN hours. My parents dont allow me to spend money on them other than basic necessesities, and one of my cats dont eat dry food. So imagine a 14 year old mother that has to feed, clean, spend money, and emotionally be there for the baby. I have already enough stress from berading parents that scream responsibilities at me all day, so imagine me also being alone, no friends and family to go through that kind of stuff. And you could not tell me that a person working a 9/5 can be there emotionally.

My birthday is two days away. Im sad. Just sad. Im disappointed in this family and kinda wish i was just aborted. I dont feel valid to be crying. But at least, this is the most ive felt this entire summer break. I feel emotionless and robotic. Everyday is such a repeat of the last. I was promised a nice vacation years ago. School is about to start and the most ive done is go to the mall, not even buying anything. Im so close to being preoccupied by work from highschool, that i doubt that i will have any fun during my four years, nonetheless the four more years. I doubt that i will experience yearly vacations, ever. I wont be in touch with my family, ever.

My birthday is coming up and my mother is skimping out on buying anything. She even brought up the age old excuses, because shes such a cheapskate. She’ll never believe in me, being her own hypocrite in all her excuses, ones that she doesnt tell to herself.

This family is horrible, my dad never talks to me, he only lectures me and tells me to be more productive or that i have to become a veterinarian. My mother doesnt listen to me, she doesnt care. All she cares about is herself and her own benefit. My brother is just an asshole, causing argument in this horrible environment.

Comparison is the thief of joy, but what joy do i have in this life? My life could be much worse, i could be abused. But it would feel like a better excuse than “my parents are workaholics” in a comfy, middle class home. Maybe its just an asian household. Your feelings are discarded after you turn 8, you’re left completely dependent on yourself and you must handle all the adult stuff. Schedule your own doctor visits, dentist, eye doctor, school events, and everything in between. Everything overstimulates me so easily, so much responsibility on a 10 year old. And the word ‘adult’ and ‘kid’ is thrown around with no meaning. They’re used verstilaly to whichever one benefits them the most.

They probably dont even know the word, children. Children to them are helpers that do chores and hopefully makes them retire in luxury homes. Every single feeling and cry is disregarded, as long as youre getting good grades and youre alive, youre fine. All mental health is just imagination, they can throw around pills carelessly, as long as you go to school. Skipping school is the worst thing you could possibly do.

They do everything in bare minimum and expect a perfect child. Everything is so overlooked, all they know is eat, media, sleep, and work. Im just asked to work. To investigate, explain, do everything for them. Not like explaining ever gets to their heads, those narcissistic bastards.

Every feeling is so discarded that i can barely make out my own emotions, having them pushed back so much. I cant cry easily, i’ve cried too much and now i cant even discover why my body is doing what it is. Just let time pass, everything is resolved that way, right? They’re so busy with work that i dont understand why they would have a child. I feel so numb, i sleep late to fight off these feelings, pushing and hiding them away while i dig myself deeper in a disgusting hole of no self care and no spatial awareness.

At least that was worse last year. I use media to take my mind off, ignore all of it, and have something to do. Writing this has given me more clarity than ever these past few years. I just want to be wanted, cared for, not insulted, and not bury myself in self pity from all of this, in where i dont even find the reasons valid enough.

At least im not hurt physically anymore, but every interaction hurts me and makes me a worser version of myself. I dont want to think nor do i want to register the fucked up things around me, knowing that i have no way of fixing it. Nobody cares if i cry, scream, be angry, or just break down into incoherent sentences and a fucked up mentality. As long as im not bothering their plans or being inconvenient to them.

Im called useless, stupid, lazy, and rude, like second nature. Like words mean nothing, like its their own mind theyre saying it. I’m more valued for what I can give to them, rather than who I am as a person.

The only one who has asked about my birthday is my dad, the enabler, the one who wants to be dead. The one who my brother and mother complain about, being a laze, although both mirror him. The only one who asked what i wanted, without me telling myself, the one who asked if i wanted to make my own birthday cake or buy one. The only one who actually remembered my birthday.

Every single one of my family members pisses me off so much. All they can do is talk shit, complain, and shit out chores to do. All of them are so incompetent and dependent, they act as if they have no dignity at all. My mother is retarded, acting like a childish princess that should have every convenience handed to her. She asks for help for anything possible, anything that takes a few more seconds of thinking. She also spews out everything that doesn't need to be said. It's like she needs to waste every moment of breath talking about the most obvious things ever, ones that even a baby can shut up about. She screams and yells like an adolescent teenager, and has the independent capabilities of a toddler. She is the most selfish person I’ve ever met in my life, every inconvenience to her is like a stab wound to her. She thinks the world revolves around her and her feelings. She dreams of a picture perfect life, constantly compares our fucked up world that she made to other families, families that only show the faint good. She is also extremely traditional, stupid, gullible, and unmoving. No speech, article, or even research can make her change her mind. Unless, of course, it's a chatGPT summarized essay, where it hits all the points of dopamine that she needs to pay an ounce of attention. She could ignore every plea, cry, or talk from her daughter, but oh no, not the AI drama stories. She’ll put effort into that, as if she had leveled up from 2nd grade English to 4th grade, it's human desire afterall, and she's totally completely excused on all of that, because she's old and works hard. An excuse that she has been using for more than a decade. She’ll throw away a baby’s welfare and pets because it doesn't fit into her free time or finances to spend on more identical clothes. And don't forget the favoritism. If you refuse to do one thing for her because you know perfectly well that she could do it herself, she will call you useless, lazy, and unfaithful. Or tell you to die. Just disregarding all the other help you offered or did, she’ll dismiss all those moments to tell you that you do nothing for her. But no, not a single word to the scary, almost 30, man living in her house that is her son. Ask your daughter everything, because you’re scared of your son. You’re scared of his judgement, complaints, screams, and the decades old guilt that you did to yourself. Not only does she have this many flaws, she was abusive. She and my dad beat my brother for no reason at all, just to let everything out. At the fall of their marriage, dreams, and future, they took it out on my brother. Just because their extravagant future they planned for themselves had failed. Because they couldn’t become a millionaire, live up to their parent’s expectations and prestige. Because they were fucking irresponsible and stupid with money. Even now, my dad has spent over 50k USD for a business venture gone wrong. All because he got his little ego hurt. I should’ve been aborted.

also, for the narcissistic mothers sub reddit, my mother is incredibly entitled and obsessed with her looks. she throws on a plethera of filters and judge every living person's looks. Its also very sexist the way she does it, she solely judge women and give higher regard to men. She even compares me to her, and my body. Its digusting.