u/-grapefruitt

Different mindset this time around (3rd attempt to quit in the last 8 years).

Give me all the dreams, the weird ass vivid ones. Even the nightmares.

My appetite is weirdly so much better than it was before when I was smoking daily. I fucking love grubbing all of this food and ENJOYING IT!

More energy, better sleep quality. Didn’t sleep until 1am and got up early for work, still have more energy than I did when I smoked and slept for 8 hours. LET’S GO.

Shift your mindset guys, you’re not losing anything. You’re gaining so much. You are gaining FREEDOM!!!!

I genuinely do not know what to do. I just need some advice, or someone to help me see this situation clearly.

I have been with my (27f) boyfriend (25m) for 2 years. He moved in 6 months into dating (fast, I know) because he was at my place every single day anyway and I figured he could just officially move in and start helping with bills.

The first year was rough. I did 100% of the laundry, dishes, household chores. It took multiple fights for him to realize these things were not being split 50/50, every time he would bring it up he’d say “I just did the dishes!” And I would have to remind him that he did them ONCE whereas I keep up with them all the time. At least as of lately, he’s been somewhat better with the cleaning. But he still hasn’t washed our bedding once and has probably done his own laundry a handful of times. I always make the excuse that he works WAY more hours than I do (I work 35-40, he works 40-50 and does physical labor) so it’s “fair” that I take up more household responsibilities.

As of lately, he’s had crazy tooth pain. And the funniest part about this all is that he didn’t start brushing his teeth at night until I essentially made him. I’ve been encouraging him to floss at night with me, and he doesn’t. He had to get a root canal yesterday and today (done in two appointments) and he is in immense pain right now. He has to work a double tomorrow (literally 6am to 8:30pm) and I keep telling him to call out and take his stronger pain meds because he has been moaning in pain for hours. But he WON’T because he’s terrified of his boss. I have told him time and time again that if he quits his job, I would fully support him until he found another one. His brother just started a business that he could join, but he doesn’t wanna work with family (I understand this, but still, working at his current job is clearly destroying his mental health). But again… he will not make the change.

So I’ve tried and tried to just accept him and continue loving him. But I am 2 days away from my period and I have had the worst year of my life. I had an abortion earlier in the year, he and I are both quitting weed (2 weeks out, woot woot), and I lost health insurance (literally a week before I found out I was pregnant) and haven’t been in therapy since March. I’m going back next week, but my god am I struggling.

I feel like all I do is hold everything together. There was one night I came home drunk and was insanely cruel to him, I just blew up about everything and since then (this was probably 3 weeks ago) I have felt like I needed to be absolutely perfect and that I owe him everything. He is genuinely a very loving and kind man, and he’s not afraid to show his feelings which I felt like was refreshing since my ex was incredibly logical. But now I’m like fuck, I wish this man had some sense of logic and emotional regulation. I also have cPTSD and genuinely feel responsible for all of his emotions and problems.

His mom is also incredibly frustrating. She questions why I “charge him so much for rent” when he pays less bills than me.. he makes more money than me yet I have given him a pass to not pay rent 3 separate times because he’s struggling with medical bills and has a lot on his plate. She made a joke the last time I was at her place and said “yeah I haven’t fully cut the apron strings off this one!” And pointed to my boyfriend. As if she’s proud that he literally goes to her for everything still. Also, when I said that he’s pretty messy and it gets frustrating sometimes she said “oh sorry that’s probably because of me because when he wouldn’t do something I eventually would just do it.” I kept it together but was fuming on the inside.

Anyway.. right now he’s moaning and nonstop complaining about his tooth pain. Yet he won’t call out of work tomorrow.. and there is literally nothing I can do. I have no idea what to do.

I feel like I haven’t been able to breathe this whole year. He has dealt with so many of my meltdowns that I feel like I owe him this support and relationship. But I am so much more independent and I’m actually receptive of his support. It feels like he just gets more pissed when I offer ANYTHING.

I needed to vent but advice is welcome. I’m so sorry about the novel. I feel drained.

I know it’s not literally everyone, but I see so many people (especially on the snark page) saying “her mom and everyone around her is just letting her die.” Bitch, what? She is a THIRTY THREE YEAR OLD WOMAN. She might not always act like it, but she is an adult and can make her own choices.

It would be VERY hard for me to believe that the people in her life are saying and doing absolutely nothing about her ED. No one has any idea what’s going on… I’m sure she has also either shut down any concern or is genuinely and actively working on it.. she is obviously still VERY ill, but even her going out to eat with Ricky and eating a tiny bit is showing she’s trying.

Should they do a lil 5150 action? Maybe. But I seriously cannot imagine her mom, brother, or anyone else close to her completely ignoring it and acting oblivious.

She’s always had an ED, but she also went through a divorce and a public fucked up affair that ruined her reputation forever. And yeah, it’s her fault, but it doesn’t mean it’s easier to deal with at all.

Does anyone agree ? Again, hard to believe that they’re just OK with this all. She’s a GROWN WOMAN…

It doesn’t help that I went out and drank last night. I got like 2 hours of sleep and I feel horrific. Have to go to my boyfriend’s family’s house for his brother’s birthday, and quite honestly, his family can be a lot so I’m nervous.

So tempted to smoke. But I don’t want to at the same time. I feel like I deserve better than smoking my 20s and potentially my life away if I don’t quit now. Plus.. I have a predisposition to schizophrenia/psychosis. Mom was deep in psychosis multiple times, and the fact that I’ve smoked so much for the past 8 years and haven’t dealt with psychosis is so goddamn lucky. I don’t want that luck to run out. And I need a healthy brain.

Already very depressed in general, lots of mental illness in my family. Feeling weak, and determined at the same time

The longest I’ve gone without it in the past 8 years has been 35 days.. and that was 2 years ago. I just feel so nervous. I know it’s time, and I know I want my brain to feel more clear. I need better memory and my motivation/dopamine is absolutely shot. But can’t lie, I’m terrified.

It already feels like something is “missing.” I also feel badly because I can’t quit if my boyfriend is living with me / continuing, so I told him he can continue but he has to move back home if he does. I have struggled with this for 8 years and quite frankly, I am done. I don’t want us both to be lazy anymore, to depend on weed for everything.. I know he too wants to make changes but struggles because weed makes everyone OK with being stagnant as hell. And I physically cannot take being stuck anymore.

To my surprise, he said he’s going to quit with me. He assured me that it’s not my choice- but his. And I really hope he’s telling the truth. I don’t want to force anything on him, but I just know that my life without weed in it is necessary. I cannot be with someone who chooses to smoke daily when I cannot manage to stop.

Please reassure me that it’s worth it. That getting through this is WORTH IT. I want my ambition back so badly that I had before I started this drug. I actually wanted to TRY and achieve things. Now I give no fucks.

I’m all over the place, and anxious, and craving it already. Not even 24 hours in. But I’m so determined to be done at 27.

Not sure if this is real but it sounds very glinda-airy voice so I’m guessing it’s recent. If this is real, someone on her team hates her lmao