u/00justahuman00

I don’t know when the endless rage screaming or the hyperventilating until passing out or scratching myself until I bled started..

I do remember moving in to a beautiful two-story house I think I was 12 yrs old. My older brother by a year started carving holes into the bedroom walls that we shared. He also did other creepy stuff to spy on me without my consent.

I told my mom what was happening. I remember looking up at her because I was still a child I was still short, and she said “well he says he’s not doing it.” And kinda shrugged like ‘sorry.’

So after that, I spent a very long time trying to prove that it wasn’t me.
I was just a kid so I really thought my mom needed proof that it wasn’t me- that it was Charlie.

I remember I was trying to prove it to my mom and I even put my best drawings on the wall and of course he carved through them and still, my mom wouldn’t believe me.

I brought it up so many times but I just kept getting “well You know he says he’s not doing it.” I don’t know that’s all I remember. Nothing was ever done about it.

We ended up moving out of that house and the walls that we had shared looked like Swiss cheese. On my side in my bedroom I had pictures all over the walls so that I would know when there was a new hole.

I saw the holes on both sides. I inspected them. I’ll never forget seeing how you could easily see where the puncture hole went into the wall and out of the wall on my side. The proof was there all along. That day I broke.

I remember I told my sister because I was desperate and she just said coldly. “well it wouldn’t be to me “ and did nothing about it.

I didn’t end there, even though we moved out, he would still make sexual advances towards me. He would say things like he wanted me to do a striptease for him or constantly talking about how some of his friends, the brothers and sisters have sex and it’s totally normal . This continued until he went into the military.

There has been other times in my life where I’ve been assaulted and my mom just either ignored me or the last time I just blamed me.

So fast forward to today.. unfortunately, I’m staying with my mom and my stepdad house right now. I’m in a bad spot. My biological father Don also lives here because he can’t take care of himself so Mom asked him to move in a long time ago and he helps pay rent.

Not that long ago I remember my father saying something like Charles‘s behavior “was totally normal for kids his age” or something like that.

I need to get this out. I’m going to intensive outpatient right now and it’s coming up. This was a very long time ago. I just don’t know how I’m ever gonna have a relationship with these people like I was 12 years old..

I started doing meth at 16. Thank goodness I quit by 21 yrs old but all of this has caused so much damage. I don’t even remember what I looked like when I was 12.

Thank you for reading I really wanted to finally get this out.

When I was about 12, my family moved into a big two‑story house. My bedroom shared a wall with my brother’s, and my walk‑in closet backed up to his closet. Not long after we moved in, he started poking holes through the wall. Some of them were an inch or two wide, directly into my closet.

I told my mother what was happening. Nothing happened. My mom would say “Charles (brother) says he isn’t doing it,” and she just shrugged and let it go. This went on for what felt like forever.

He would also sit outside my bedroom door and slide utensils under the door to try to see into my room. He also made ongoing sexual comments toward me until he eventually left for the military.

Even as an adult, my mother kept trying to guilt me for not having a relationship with him. When I lived in Orlando, I remember avoiding her calls. I had one of those answering machines where you could hear the message as it recorded, and I vividly remember her voice in that -you’re doing something wrong- tone, telling me my brother was in town. The guilt trips about not talking to him went on for years.

They only really stopped when I was very clear with her that I had no interest in ever speaking to Charles again. And even then, I realized I was still cushioning her feelings. There’s so much more but that’s the jist.

Any opinions are appreciated. I’m living with my mom right now. I’m actually going through IOP Therapy and that’s why all this is coming up. I’m really thinking I should really cut contact with my family after I get back on my feet.