u/0DiscountDepression0

I’m 25 and I’ve been realizing lately that I have a really bad habit of caring way too much about what other people think of me. I’ve been in therapy and I’m starting to understand some of it, but I still don’t really know how to stop it.

I’ll have a conversation with someone and then afterward I’ll replay the whole thing in my head. I’ll think about whether I sounded weird, if I said something stupid, if they thought I was awkward, if I made a bad impression, etc. Sometimes when I’m actually talking to someone my mind just goes completely blank because I’m thinking so much about how I’m coming across.

There’s also one person in particular that I’ve become really fixated on. I think about him way more than I feel like I should. I notice every little thing he does, like when he looks at me, when he walks by me, his demeanor around me, whether he says hi, stuff like that.

It’s not like I think something is actually going to happen between us. I don’t even really see it as a possibility. But my brain keeps picking up on little things and wondering what they mean. Sometimes I feel like there’s some kind of tension or something between us, but then I immediately wonder if I’m just completely reading into it.
And then I feel guilty for even thinking about him so much, which just makes me think about him even more.

It’s basically like:
I notice something, I think about what it means I obsess over it, I feel guilty for obsessing I try to stop thinking about it, now I’m thinking about it even more
My therapist recently pointed out that a lot of this seems to come from how critical I am of myself. I have a lot of thoughts like “I’m awkward,” “I’m weird,” “I’m bad at talking to people,” etc.
She told me to start catching myself when I make those “I am” statements and try to replace them with something more positive or at least more neutral. She also pointed out that I actually have proof that I can talk to people because I’ve had plenty of normal conversations with people before.

Another thing that’s been bothering me is how aware I’ve become of being perceived.
I had this weird realization recently and I don’t mean to sound like a narcissist 😂but it feels weird that everyone I interact with can perceive me anywhere they want. They go home, have their own families and friends, their own problems, their own memories, and I cant get over what they think.
For some reason that thought makes me really uncomfortable like almost nauseous. It’s like I’m suddenly aware that I exist in other people’s minds and I have absolutely no control over what they think about me.

I’ve also been struggling with people pleasing and FOMO. I have a friend who likes to call me and hang out, but sometimes I really don’t feel like talking on the phone or going out. Then I start feeling guilty and thinking, “What if she stops trying?” or “What if I ruin the friendship?”
Sometimes I’ll actually be on the phone or hanging out with someone and I’ll already be thinking about how I’m going to get off the phone or leave.

I genuinely can’t tell sometimes if I don’t want to do something because I actually don’t want to, or because my anxiety is making me avoid it.
I also feel like I’ve missed out on a lot of things in life. I’m 25 and sometimes I look at other people my age and feel like I should be so much further along socially. I feel like I missed a lot of opportunities to make friends, have experiences, and figure out who I am.

Sometimes I feel really hollow because of that, and I think I end up latching onto people because I want them to fill that feeling.

I’m working on all of this in therapy, so I’m not looking for people to tell me I’m crazy or that every interaction I’ve had with this person definitely means something. I actually want honest opinions and advice.

Has anyone else dealt with being this obsessed with what other people think of them?
How do you stop replaying conversations and analyzing every little interaction?

How do you tell the difference between anxiety/obsessive thinking and what you actually feel?
And how do you learn to be okay with the fact that other people are going to have their own opinions of you that you can’t control?

I know this is long lol, but I’m really trying to understand why I do this instead of just continuing to get stuck in the same cycles.

I’m 25 and I’ve been realizing lately that I have a really bad habit of caring way too much about what other people think of me. I’ve been in therapy and I’m starting to understand some of it, but I still don’t really know how to stop it.

I’ll have a conversation with someone and then afterward I’ll replay the whole thing in my head. I’ll think about whether I sounded weird, if I said something stupid, if they thought I was awkward, if I made a bad impression, etc. Sometimes when I’m actually talking to someone my mind just goes completely blank because I’m thinking so much about how I’m coming across.

There’s also one person in particular that I’ve become really fixated on. I think about him way more than I feel like I should. I notice every little thing he does, like when he looks at me, when he walks by me, his demeanor around me, whether he says hi, stuff like that.

It’s not like I think something is actually going to happen between us. I don’t even really see it as a possibility. But my brain keeps picking up on little things and wondering what they mean. Sometimes I feel like there’s some kind of tension or something between us, but then I immediately wonder if I’m just completely reading into it.
And then I feel guilty for even thinking about him so much, which just makes me think about him even more.

It’s basically like:
I notice something, I think about what it means I obsess over it, I feel guilty for obsessing I try to stop thinking about it, now I’m thinking about it even more
My therapist recently pointed out that a lot of this seems to come from how critical I am of myself. I have a lot of thoughts like “I’m awkward,” “I’m weird,” “I’m bad at talking to people,” etc.
She told me to start catching myself when I make those “I am” statements and try to replace them with something more positive or at least more neutral. She also pointed out that I actually have proof that I can talk to people because I’ve had plenty of normal conversations with people before.

Another thing that’s been bothering me is how aware I’ve become of being perceived.
I had this weird realization recently and I don’t mean to sound like a narcissist 😂but it feels weird that everyone I interact with can perceive me anywhere they want. They go home, have their own families and friends, their own problems, their own memories, and I cant get over what they think.
For some reason that thought makes me really uncomfortable like almost nauseous. It’s like I’m suddenly aware that I exist in other people’s minds and I have absolutely no control over what they think about me.

I’ve also been struggling with people pleasing and FOMO. I have a friend who likes to call me and hang out, but sometimes I really don’t feel like talking on the phone or going out. Then I start feeling guilty and thinking, “What if she stops trying?” or “What if I ruin the friendship?”
Sometimes I’ll actually be on the phone or hanging out with someone and I’ll already be thinking about how I’m going to get off the phone or leave.

I genuinely can’t tell sometimes if I don’t want to do something because I actually don’t want to, or because my anxiety is making me avoid it.
I also feel like I’ve missed out on a lot of things in life. I’m 25 and sometimes I look at other people my age and feel like I should be so much further along socially. I feel like I missed a lot of opportunities to make friends, have experiences, and figure out who I am.

Sometimes I feel really hollow because of that, and I think I end up latching onto people because I want them to fill that feeling.

I’m working on all of this in therapy, so I’m not looking for people to tell me I’m crazy or that every interaction I’ve had with this person definitely means something. I actually want honest opinions and advice.

Has anyone else dealt with being this obsessed with what other people think of them?
How do you stop replaying conversations and analyzing every little interaction?

How do you tell the difference between anxiety/obsessive thinking and what you actually feel?
And how do you learn to be okay with the fact that other people are going to have their own opinions of you that you can’t control?

I know this is long lol, but I’m really trying to understand why I do this instead of just continuing to get stuck in the same cycles.

I’m 25 and I’ve been realizing lately that I have a really bad habit of caring way too much about what other people think of me. I’ve been in therapy and I’m starting to understand some of it, but I still don’t really know how to stop it.

I’ll have a conversation with someone and then afterward I’ll replay the whole thing in my head. I’ll think about whether I sounded weird, if I said something stupid, if they thought I was awkward, if I made a bad impression, etc. Sometimes when I’m actually talking to someone my mind just goes completely blank because I’m thinking so much about how I’m coming across.

There’s also one person in particular that I’ve become really fixated on. I think about him way more than I feel like I should. I notice every little thing he does, like when he looks at me, when he walks by me, his demeanor around me, whether he says hi, stuff like that.

It’s not like I think something is actually going to happen between us. I don’t even really see it as a possibility. But my brain keeps picking up on little things and wondering what they mean. Sometimes I feel like there’s some kind of tension or something between us, but then I immediately wonder if I’m just completely reading into it.
And then I feel guilty for even thinking about him so much, which just makes me think about him even more.

It’s basically like:
I notice something, I think about what it means I obsess over it, I feel guilty for obsessing I try to stop thinking about it, now I’m thinking about it even more
My therapist recently pointed out that a lot of this seems to come from how critical I am of myself. I have a lot of thoughts like “I’m awkward,” “I’m weird,” “I’m bad at talking to people,” etc.
She told me to start catching myself when I make those “I am” statements and try to replace them with something more positive or at least more neutral. She also pointed out that I actually have proof that I can talk to people because I’ve had plenty of normal conversations with people before.

Another thing that’s been bothering me is how aware I’ve become of being perceived.
I had this weird realization recently and I don’t mean to sound like a narcissist 😂but it feels weird that everyone I interact with can perceive me anywhere they want. They go home, have their own families and friends, their own problems, their own memories, and I cant get over what they think.
For some reason that thought makes me really uncomfortable like almost nauseous. It’s like I’m suddenly aware that I exist in other people’s minds and I have absolutely no control over what they think about me.

I’ve also been struggling with people pleasing and FOMO. I have a friend who likes to call me and hang out, but sometimes I really don’t feel like talking on the phone or going out. Then I start feeling guilty and thinking, “What if she stops trying?” or “What if I ruin the friendship?”
Sometimes I’ll actually be on the phone or hanging out with someone and I’ll already be thinking about how I’m going to get off the phone or leave.

I genuinely can’t tell sometimes if I don’t want to do something because I actually don’t want to, or because my anxiety is making me avoid it.
I also feel like I’ve missed out on a lot of things in life. I’m 25 and sometimes I look at other people my age and feel like I should be so much further along socially. I feel like I missed a lot of opportunities to make friends, have experiences, and figure out who I am.

Sometimes I feel really hollow because of that, and I think I end up latching onto people because I want them to fill that feeling.

I’m working on all of this in therapy, so I’m not looking for people to tell me I’m crazy or that every interaction I’ve had with this person definitely means something. I actually want honest opinions and advice.

Has anyone else dealt with being this obsessed with what other people think of them?
How do you stop replaying conversations and analyzing every little interaction?

How do you tell the difference between anxiety/obsessive thinking and what you actually feel?
And how do you learn to be okay with the fact that other people are going to have their own opinions of you that you can’t control?

I know this is long lol, but I’m really trying to understand why I do this instead of just continuing to get stuck in the same cycles.

I've been struggling with something for a long time, and I'm wondering if anyone else experiences this or has found ways to get through it.

Whenever I'm talking to people whether it's coworkers, customers at work, or even someone I have a crush on I become extremely self-aware. It's like my attention turns inward instead of outward.

I'm constantly monitoring myself:

- How do I look?

- Am I standing weird?

- Do I seem awkward?

- What are they thinking about me?

- Am I saying the right thing?

It's almost like I become disconnected from the conversation because I'm so focused on myself. My mind goes blank, I overanalyze every word I say, and afterward I replay the interaction over and over trying to figure out if I embarrassed myself.

Sometimes I even feel disconnected from my own body, but at the same time I'm hyperfocused on how my body is being perceived. It's hard to explain.

This happens so often at work that it makes even normal conversations feel exhausting. I want to connect with people, but I feel like I'm trapped inside my own head.

Has anyone else experienced this? If you have, what actually helped you stop focusing on yourself so much and become more present during conversations? Did therapy, medication, mindfulness, or anything else make a difference?

I'm really looking for advice from people who've dealt with something similar.