u/0nlyhalfjewish

You are the rare person in the world if you’ve never had anything bad happened to you. It’s what you do after something bad happens that truly matters.

One thing people do sometimes is see themselves as a victim. And once they do…. Once they label themselves as any kind of victim, doing so hurts them again and again, unnecessarily.

When you see yourself as a victim, you stop trying. You simply blame other people for how you are. Or you blame fate or circumstance and you give up. If you happen to blame one person or even an entire group of people for your situation, you cut yourself off from those people.

And the worst of the victims are the ones that demand that the people who have hurt them come back, begging for forgiveness. Some people who are victims try to use that as a card to play against other people. All that does is build a huge wall between you and that other person and lastly it stops you from ever thinking about anybody and their problems cause all you can think about is your own.

If anybody out there is stuck in a victim mindset I hope this can help them rethink it.

How do you fall asleep on your back following surgery?!! I bought a back sleepier pillow and have tried for the past 5 nights to fall asleep on my back to prepare for when I must do so and I just can’t seem to do it. That relaxed, dreamy state just won’t come. Melatonin and magnesium don’t help.

What else can I try?

At my work, I’m described as “the glue that holds the team together.” With my family, I’m the one that handles logistics and emotionally supports my young adult kids. I just got home from seeing my siblings and their loved ones and they seemed quietly depressed. My kids do, too.

All of this makes me feel like I have to be strong during my cancer for everyone else. This has been my role for most of my adult life, so I guess it’s ok but it’s hard to wrap my head around.

Just curious what they would teach you in school about something like this as it makes no sense to me. Why would home builders continue to build brand new residential housing in Florida well sales of existing homes show a price drop of 25% or more in some areas over the last few years.

I used version 3 of the Predict Tool and got the following result:

If I had surgery only and no other treatment, I have an 89% chance of survival after 15 years. If I add hormone therapy for 5 years, my chance goes up to 91%.

I don’t know if 5 years of hormone suppression is worth that.

I have stage 1 ILC with a couple of grade 2 tumors in my left breast. It took 3 mammograms and 2 ultrasounds to locate and biopsy the sites and there’s still one area that’s questionable. The issue is my dense breasts make images blurry.

Given that, I was initially thinking to have a double mastectomy. It seems like they have such a hard time finding anything in my breasts that it’s risky to have a lumpectomy only.

But as I’m reading more from women who have had a double and then reconstruction, it sounds pretty bad. I’ve also looked at pictures and I was not expecting to see what I did. I don’t know what I expected but the look afterwards is not ok with me.

Are my expectations just too high?

I don’t know what my treatment plan will be yet, but I’m the sole breadwinner so I cannot afford to lose my job.

Is it unrealistic to try to keep working during treatment?

Update: of all the subs on Reddit, this one has already shown itself to be actively open and supportive. I never expected to be on this journey and I don’t have anyone at home to share with, so I cannot tell you what it means to have this space. Thank you!!

One of the harder things I’ve had to do in life is to let people suffer the consequences of their own actions. Tomorrow my ex and our daughter will be in a world of chaos as she attempts to move when she’s barely half packed. She’s had all summer to prep for her first apartment and decided to spend that time designing her place and buying stuff instead of packing.

There’s clothes and her things all over her bedroom and spilling into common areas. She doesn’t want my advice or my help. I told her father what’s happening over text and he didn’t respond.

So tomorrow, I won’t be here. I will not work extra hard because others refused to plan or participate. And you know what? I’m proud of myself.

I’ve tried seeing a therapist a number of times in my life. I even saw one every other week for over a year. But I understand that, for the most part, therapists don’t give you direct advice. But I feel like that’s what I need which is why I’m wondering if I need a life coach.

I would especially like to hear from people who’ve had a life coach to see how it differs.

I feel like this puts me squarely in the “cantankerous old person” camp, because I cannot stand some modern voice patterns: vocal fry, laughing through every sentence, and what I call “soothing” speak (imagine the person speaking into a little puffy, hand-held microphone as they record an ad).

If I had to work with someone daily who spoke like this, I think I would quit.

Ok, vent over.

In some way, I think all addiction is the same. Whether you’re addicted to a chemical that you shoot into your body or you’re addicted to a chemical that’s made in your brain as a response to something that just happened, it’s still an addiction. You could be addicted to sex because of the chemical reaction to orgasm. You can be addicted to exercise because you like the endorphins.

So I think at the end of the day, there is no such thing as a chemical versus a psychological addiction, and we should not therefore categorize things that are chemical and non-chemical / less habit forming. At the end of the day, a chemical is a chemical.

People will lie to your face, saying something can’t be done for x or y reason when really they just don’t want to do the work.

I end up having to do all this research to figure out someone is lying, then I have to present findings and go up the chain of command to get people to do what should be their job.

So fucking over it

Take a look at the comments… mods are banning uses for saying something isn’t a ban and for blocking other users. One guy even @mentions a free speech mod in the comments to tattle.

And I wanna scream on the inside. And maybe on the outside. In what world do you think you have to rely on your parent to remember to flush?

If you’re divorced with kids, and your partner is trying to create discipline and expectations with the kids, not getting on board is a huge mistake that will cost everyone in your family, especially the kids.

Being the pushover-giving your kids money, or helping them pass a class, or always doing their laundry-is such a bad thing to do. If kids don’t learn how to be responsible, they’ll end up a 27-year-old living in a 17-year-old body. They need to have life experiences that will teach them how to make good choices. They need to learn how to stand on their own 2 feet and feel proud of what they’re capable of.

Don’t stand in the way of your child’s future. Help them see how to create it.