u/1000000Stars

My goal is to keep perennials from flopping over toward my neighbor’s property. I would like to put up a few decorative fence panels behind them. She already has a large trellis right on the lot line, behind the flowers, so I thought I’d put the fence panels on either side of her trellis. They are similar in style. I can put them on the line or six to twelve inches onto my side. This is what I’d like input on. Where to place them and how this might impact my neighbor. They are metal and about 40” tall, 5 feet wide.

I cannot win with this neighbor. I was very sick when I moved in to my house and barely ventured out. Before I met her, she told people that her dog didn’t like me. When I did finally meet her, her dog sat on my feet!

My house was constructed new after hers had been there a while. Unfortunately, the city planned poorly and there is standing water between our properties. I hired three drainage experts to give quotes to fix the standing water between our properties. I offered to pay $15k to fix an issue affecting 5 properties, but needed her permission to get the water to the drain on her property and asked her to pay a small portion to fix her grading to get water to the drain. She said no, which I respected. I planted river birch to help soak up some of the puddles in the spring and moved on.

The next year she changed her mind because her side was too wet to mow. She started being really nice to me. Inviting me over for drinks, etc. I had already fixed my side and moved on, so I told her I was no longer interested in the large project. Besides, my husband passed away, so I have to be more frugal now. Standing water is a nuisance but I have larger issues now. She stopped being nice.

The area between our properties on my side was grass and it was too wet and steep to mow. I planned to create a rain garden, but didn’t know where the lot line was. I saw her outside standing near it. I went out and asked where the lot line was and she claimed to not know. A guy was planting a tree for her and he perked up. The lot line marker had been buried where he was digging. I suspect she had buried it, but she played dumb. The reason I suspect this is that she had a trellis and two trees lined up exactly on the lot line right next to where the marker was “buried”.

Right after I moved in, she had planted a privacy hedge right on the lot line and landscaped on my side with mulch and rubber edging. She said, “oops, I guess I planted over the lot line”. I said, “you know, these are nice trees”. “I’m happy to know where the line is, though, because I’ll be doing landscaping next year.” Then I explained my ideas and she said, “do whatever you want, honey”.

The area I landscaped was huge. It was the entire edge of my property. Over 100 feet long. It took me and my kids all summer. We worked from one end to the other. We covered sections with cardboard, then mulch, then added a few plants. I did her section last, as she is on the far end. She clearly knew what was happening and could have spoken to me at any time.

Every time I went outside that summer she went inside. Every. Single. Time. I’m not sure if it was the dog or what. Well, I figured she knew how to find me if she had concerns. I’d also given her my number, because I do that with all my neighbors.

I planned on removing her rubber edging on my side. It was full of weeds and I do not enjoy weeding around rubber edging (I never once saw her weeding). I pulled up a small section of edging and set it on her side so she would see it. I was trying to give her a heads up so she could talk to me if she wanted to. I was going to offer to put the edging along the lot line instead. A month went by without a reaction from her.

I finished removing her edging on my side. I cleaned it off so it could be re-used and placed it on the mulch on her side so she didn’t have to get to it right away. Later that day, I was sitting on my patio relaxing and she calls my name. I jump, because I am not used to her talking to me.

I walk over. She has an audience. She is upset I pulled out the edging that she had professionally installed. I explained that we had discussed I’d be landscaping my side and she had given her blessing and that the edging I removed was on my property. I explained that I was planning to offer to move it to the lot line instead, but hadn’t had a chance to talk with her. She claimed I never tried to communicate with her. She said she was going to let it go as if I had destroyed her property. I smiled and walked away. I will not interact with people who lie and tell stories.

So, I have an area where I planted some taller perennials a couple feet from the lot line. I was going to place a fence behind them to keep them contained. My mom reminded me that fences can have rules about leaving an area behind them to maintain them. This fence would not need maintenance. It would be easy enough to pull it out of the ground if needed.

What types of neighborly things should I consider since it will do no good to talk to this person? I want to be considerate, since it’s near the property line. However, I don’t think it will do any good to talk to her - if I can even catch her outside.

1. Put it on the lot line

2. Set it off the lot line

3. Fence is bad idea, because…

Thank you.

Therapy is not helpful to me. Please respect this statement.

My quality of life depends on two toxic medications. The longest one of them typically works is about five years and I have surpassed that timeframe. I have tried alternatives without success. I am not a candidate for surgical intervention.

My condition causes severe cognitive limitations. I tried getting help with cognitive disability. It was a nightmare and I am still trying to fix the damage. Essentially, I was never evaluated. I was discredited for reasons I still don’t fully understand.

Since then, providers have started treating me differently. They don’t listen to me and they’re very dismissive. I have written a letter to request that my documentation be corrected, but I do not have faith in our medical system (US).

I have been fighting with everything I have for over a decade. I became a full-time single parent of three kids a couple years ago. I’m losing health benefits soon, so I will lose access to a lot of helpful things. I can see the writing in the wall.

How do I have a conversation with my doctor about quality of life? I know she has no idea how much I struggle day to day. I tell her, but unless a person lives it I don’t think they really comprehend what it is like when your brain just does not work.

I have tried everything I know of to try. I have read every study. Traveled across the country. What I want:

1. A meeting with healthcare rep, HCPOA and my kids to discuss end of life wishes.

2. No more preventative care. Mammograms, colonoscopies, etc. hHealthcare visits are traumatic, they waste time and energy.

3. No more CT scans, because we aren’t going to do anything different.

4. No more eye exams because the ophthalmologist tries to take me off my medications to save my eyes. What good is vision if I can’t think?

5. I’m tired of trying to explain to doctors how limited my quality of life is. I want a note or something that says quality of life intervention only.

I’m tired. Healthcare keeps making me worse. I need them to focus on my goal of just surviving a little longer for my kids. That’s all I want - maintain the things that are working and let the rest go. I need fewer battles and more help. I understand that what I need does not exist, but I’ll take any suggestions that may get me closer to my goals.

Thank you

Thanks

I have written a formal complaint letter. Who do I address it to? I am in the U.S. My options are patient experience or a patient advocate. I cannot find titles or an org chart.

Due to medical PTSD, I sought support from a counselor. She supports this, not only for my safety but for the sake of other patients. She keeps reminding me that the healthcare organization should care and want to know what happened. I need the encouragement, because it is hard to believe anyone in medical admin. cares.

Laws were broken, ethics violated and the presenting symptoms were untreated. Aside from documenting the experience, I am asking that incorrect, damaging documentation be removed from my record.

Can anyone direct me to the best department? The letter is eight pages, and that is as concise as I could be. I’ll take any advice or experiences, whether they be positive or negative.

The gist of the situation is that I had a very young, inexperienced therapist who was supposed to help me with medical ptsd. She violated confidentiality and tried gate keeping medical care. She must not believe/comprehend my level of disability/risk factors.

The medical provider became hostile, questioned my credibility and documented that I’ve been mentally ill my entire adult life. I do not have a history of mental illness FWIW. My medical conditions are fully documented so it should be easy to clear up any misunderstanding in theory. I’m just not convinced they’ll care.

I have rare conditions and underlying hEDS. Providers could injure me if they don’t listen carefully. It has happened more than once before, and they are even less likely to listen to me if they don’t think I’m credible.

I have cancelled appointments except with my primary team, because no care feels like my safest option. Part of my reason for documenting all of this is so that if something happens to me, like I fear, my kids have a record. I am tired and sad, because I have very low expectations of healthcare admin. However, I know I am doing the right thing regardless of the outcome.

Thank you for reading.