u/15yearswithkids

Last week, I (33m) discovered that my wife (33f) has been cheating on me. Both emotional cheating that finally turned physical the week prior. She showed what I think would be the general tell-tale signs of cheating during the past few weeks. Suddenly getting into self-improvement now that our kids are slightly older (age 4 and 2), various things that she has not even done for me and some are very drastic. Always wearing makeup when she didn't wear much before (even before pregnancy). She also started not allowing her phone to be left anywhere, even when brushing her teeth, her phone has to be in her pj pants pocket. There was also an instance where she went out at 4am to walk our dog 20 minutes away because she "felt sick and needed to throw up". I was so oblivious to the potential for cheating that I was actually worried about her mental health during this, but this all seemed very off until I checked her discord messages.

She has been apparently chatting with this person on and off for the past 10 years with mainly emotional cheating and playing games with him either by staying up late or playing during the workday (we both work but she's mainly wfh). In the past 2 months, they started playing more and she often neglected work to play with this person.

This person not only knows that she's married, but he knows my name, my background, our kids names, and she even sends him pictures of art projects that our kids brings home. Even one about how great of a mom she is. They even talk about me nonchalantly.

Finally my wife decided to meet him in person, which she of course lied about needing to go into the office (she took the day off as pto), and after that, they've been secretly meeting and eventually had unprotected sex. She also had sex with me afterwards (so I have to be tested but generally disgusted).

Worst part is that for Mother’s day, instead of spending time with her kids, she wanted to be left alone and “rest”, but while I was out with our 2 kids, she was at home talking and playing games with him (could have been more, who knows).

She initially showed no remorse and when confronted just said "okay, what do you want to do". Not even a sorry, nothing.

It was the first time I had anxiety. My chest was heavy and I couldn't breathe or sleep the first day/night. I asked her during the first 2 days to at least break it off and she couldn't even do that. She snuck out at night after I fell asleep to see him and even came back at 5am and messaged him that she was safe and didn't get caught.

I've gone through different phases of where I want to be. She's okay with me having 100% custody of the kids, which I'm glad. But I still didn't want to just so easily throw away the last 15 years we had together.

When I ask her if she can whole-heartly try to work on this and go all-in on us. She said no, and that while she might not see him in person. She still needs to talk to him every day.

For more background, my wife and I started dating the last year of highschool, so we've spent our entire adult life so far together (15 years).

We are going to couples counseling tomorrow but I feel discouraged because even though I'm the victim. I'm still the one trying. For the kids, her, and myself. I just can't get over losing all the past experiences I had with her and the future experiences that I had hoped to make.

I think she really only showed a bit more remorse on day 3 after seeing me cry and not even being able to sit down in the same table with our kids. I can't even look at pictures of us 4 as a family atm.

Any insight and help is greatly appreciated here.

Edit:
I just want to say thank you to everyone that read this, commented or messaged me. I greatly appreciate the support here and will try to speak to an attorney asap (already started the processed and contacted). I didn't expect this level of support. Unfortunate that this has to happen to so many people but thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Edit 2:
She just confirmed with me that even after a few nights where I thought we had productive talks to see how we can move forward between us and she said that even if she talks to the guy she won't say things like "i miss you" and "i love you", she still did it. It's over, there's nothing left here.

Last week, I (33m) discovered that my wife (33f) has been cheating on me. Both emotional cheating that finally turned physical the week prior. She showed what I think would be the general tell-tale signs of cheating during the past few weeks. Suddenly getting into self-improvement now that our kids are slightly older (age 4 and 2), various things that she has not even done for me and some are very drastic. Always wearing makeup when she didn't wear much before (even before pregnancy). She also started not allowing her phone to be left anywhere, even when brushing her teeth, her phone has to be in her pj pants pocket. There was also an instance where she went out at 4am to walk our dog 20 minutes away because she "felt sick and needed to throw up". I was so oblivious to the potential for cheating that I was actually worried about her mental health during this, but this all seemed very off until I checked her discord messages.

She has been apparently chatting with this person on and off for the past 10 years with mainly emotional cheating and playing games with him either by staying up late or playing during the workday (we both work but she's mainly wfh). In the past 2 months, they started playing more and she often neglected work to play with this person.

This person not only knows that she's married, but he knows my name, my background, our kids names, and she even sends him pictures of art projects that our kids brings home. Even one about how great of a mom she is. They even talk about me nonchalantly.

Finally my wife decided to meet him in person, which she of course lied about needing to go into the office (she took the day off as pto), and after that, they've been secretly meeting and eventually had unprotected sex. She also had sex with me afterwards (so I have to be tested but generally disgusted).

Worst part is that for Mother’s day, instead of spending time with her kids, she wanted to be left alone and “rest”, but while I was out with our 2 kids, she was at home talking and playing games with him (could have been more, who knows).

She initially showed no remorse and when confronted just said "okay, what do you want to do". Not even a sorry, nothing.

It was the first time I had anxiety. My chest was heavy and I couldn't breathe or sleep the first day/night. I asked her during the first 2 days to at least break it off and she couldn't even do that. She snuck out at night after I fell asleep to see him and even came back at 5am and messaged him that she was safe and didn't get caught.
I've gone through different phases of where I want to be. She's okay with me having 100% custody of the kids, which I'm glad. But I still didn't want to just so easily throw away the last 15 years we had together.

When I ask her if she can whole-heartly try to work on this and go all-in on us. She said no, and that while she might not see him in person. She still needs to talk to him every day.

For more background, my wife and I started dating the last year of highschool, so we've spent our entire adult life so far together (15 years).

We are going to couples counseling tomorrow but I feel discouraged because even though I'm the victim. I'm still the one trying. For the kids, her, and myself. I just can't get over losing all the past experiences I had with her and the future experiences that I had hoped to make.

I think she really only showed a bit more remorse on day 3 after seeing me cry and not even being able to sit down in the same table with our kids. I can't even look at pictures of us 4 as a family atm.

Any insight and help is greatly appreciated here.

Edit:
I just want to say thank you to everyone that read this, commented or messaged me. I greatly appreciate the support here and will try to speak to an attorney asap (already started the processed and contacted). I didn't expect this level of support. Unfortunate that this has to happen to so many people but thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

Edit 2:
She just confirmed with me that even after a few nights where I thought we had productive talks to see how we can move forward between us and she said that even if she talks to the guy she won't say things like "i miss you" and "i love you", she still did it. It's over, there's nothing left here.