u/183355

hii

i’m currently in a relapse of my ed :( and i am so incredibly tired. some days i have some energy/adrenaline and don’t feel that hungry, but other days (whilst eating the same amount and moving the same) i feel like my body is completely drained and lightheaded.
does anyone know what can help with this? i try to eat 3-4 times a day (small amounts) and i drink coke zero for caffeine lol and lay in my bed whenever i can (outside of compulsive movement).

i know the best idea is to up my intake but it’s so incredibly hard for me…

vent (possible tw)

i am so done with feeling invalid. i never fasted for a day, always eat multiple times a day and never restricted that low. my ed is screaming so incredibly loud that in invalid even tho ive been residential twice. i hate it so much and i want to relapse. but my parents force me to follow my meal plan and i simply can’t skip too much or we’ll have a huge fight. i just to be alone.

honestly, when will they take you seriously?

i just need to vent a little sorry.
i was just at my therapist and she said there are worries about me and that she understood that my mom is really worried too (she came with me to the appointment). but then… nothing !
i have told my therapist multiple times im having suicidal thoughts, feeling very depressed and my ed is bad and ruining the entire family.
and she tries to help me a bit, but since im not in their programma yet (waitlist) i feel like she won’t do anything really. we still haven’t made a crisis plan and i can only see her once in two weeks.
i know she tries her best but she is still in school for her masters and idk. she also told me my ed wasn’t that unstable since i’ve never had a tube for example. and that triggered the hell out of me. (which she understood when i mentioned it but still)
i hate how the healthcare systems works. if you have comorbidity you can never get the right treatment and the waitlists are endless.
i feel like i should actively starve myself for a week or att*mpt to make clear how much im struggling. i feel misunderstood and disappointed. :(

sorry just had to get this off my chest.