u/1blueShoe

My emotions are like that cat litter box in the corner of the room.. poops gone white, cat long gone.. and it’s been undisturbed for so long .. it had even stopped stinking. And, my poor metal health ignores it.
Then you come along, and accidentally give it a kick… and by god, The stink 😷.. So, I threw out the poop, box n all. I cleaned that corner, put a nice pot plant in its place.. And from thence forth, my feelings shall now be like that pot plant, see all, hear all.. ignore it all, nourish me and flourish me . I needed this. 🥳

We got close, we shared our back stories, full of abuse, abandonment and invisibility. We both got broken way too young, learned to fend for our selves, we both tried to compartmentalise our traumas .. by the time we were 10, me 9 because , we figured out today, your only 11 months older than me , that each of us, in our separate pockets of England, were going through similar pain …Then I met you and even after just one night , I began feeling feelings begun to stir, I wanted to know more. Much more.. But.. I can’t be the third wheel between you and my so called long term friend. Who knew I was nervous and quite shy about calling you… well she had no probs suddenly calling you every day.. and then coming and telling me how you and her are ‘getting bezzy mates’ … I thought you wanted to get to know me so I gave it a chance. You fell asleep earlier with your head in my lap.. and, I was happy you felt chilled enough with me to nod off….. but what was the first thing you said when you woke up? ‘Ooh, let me show this video I sent X ( my supposed friend) of a clip of the music you make…and WE had still not actually spoken since we met. Maybe I’m crazy, but I feel that you and I never stood a bloody chance with X in the middle… I hope you’ll both be very happy 😢 I’m done with opening my heart up.. it’s safer to just put it back in its cage and let it go back to peaceful dormancy.