11 week old slept 8 hours straight, from 8p to 4a. I fed her and probably have until 8 this morning before she wakes up. My 5yo, who usually wakes up well before 5, is still asleep at 6:20. I have been out of bed, by myself, in a quiet house, for an hour. I have had hot coffee. I have pet cats. I pooped without an audience. Fucking twilight zone.
May is a busy month. Parent's 40th anniversary, mothers' day, my son's birthday, and my birthday. I also have 2 month old. I didn't want the baby around other kids before 3 months, so I decided we would go to Legoland for my son's 5th birthday. This is our first family vacation.
I started putting $ aside months ago, planning for a trip and an extended maternity leave. I purchased the tickets and booked the hotel, planned the dates, found a house sitter (and typed up instructions for them), planned the driving route and stops on the way that will work for the family, got son a bday gift to open tomorrow on his bday, put together lists for what to pack based on what activities we are doing, packed for the baby....while also caring for my newborn and 4yo, and dogs and cats...
Today was rough as far as sleep and tantrums go, we are leaving on Sunday, and son's bday is tomorrow. While making dinner and bouncing velcro baby (with 4yo insisting on helping cut vegetables and flip pancakes on a hot griddle), I was also prepping a "strawberry pie" as requested for bday boy and running laundry. Everyone is fed by 6, DH gets home 30 minutes late in a mood.
He helps with bedtime and I am hoping he can run to the grocery store when he comes out of the room to get balloons, and to help with wrapping a gift and cleaning up the house. I am waiting and cluster feeding baby...and waiting...and waiting...I check the room camera and watch my husband get up from the chair and roll himself into the bottom bunk rather than coming out to help me. So now I need to get baby down and feed animals (I guess dogs aren't getting an evening play session), finish making the pie, wrap a gift and do a card, pack my own bag...
Somehow I feel like we are going to leave late Sunday morning bc someone will not have packed, or will forget things...
Went on our morning walk (me, 4yo, 9week old) just like normal. Halfway on the bike path (usually only pass a few runners on the whole mile) there were 2 large dogs, no human in sight. They were very dirty and one was very nervous. The other just sitting and staring at us. If it was just me, I would have offered water and seen if they were friendly enough to leash and take in to the rescue. Not so confident with littles. A runner went by and skittish dog ran away and the sittting dog kept sitting. My son was whining about the park and I watched the sitting dog get up and walk with a pretty severe limp/arthritis/hip displaysia, only go a few steps, and sit down and whine. I figured it was safe enough to pass and we walked by no problem. But I felt horrible for the dogs and called the local rescue to hopefully pick them up.
We played at the park and then, on the walk home, I stepped in a divet and twisted my ankle. I was holding on to the stroller with the baby in a bassinet, and I almost fell all the way down. I pushed down on the stroller handle as I tripped and the stroller went down and she bounced up pretty high as the stroller slammed back down.
I limped the mile home and just felt like I was keeping an anxiety attack at bay. I was very short with my son's incessant questions and curiosity. I couldn't stop thinking about the what-ifs. What if those dogs had attacked? What if I fell and knocked the stroller over and the baby fell out? What if I broke my ankle again, but it was with the kids and no one around to help?
This was my first anxiety episode this 4th trimester. I had a lot with my first and now I am not only struggling with the what-ifs but also the concern that maybe I won't make it through this baby without PPD.