u/22silvermoons

I just got back from an annual vacation with my close friends and their families. My 2.5 yr old son is usually in daycare M-F, and then on weekends we don't do a lot of play dates, so this trip was like putting a magnifying glass on him and the other kids (ages: 4.5, 3.5, 3.5, 2, 1, 1). By the end of the trip, my son had one of his full-blown meltdowns, and on the drive home I started thinking "i've never see the other kids have a meltdown like that on our trips". I don't normally compare my kid to other kids because I know how different they can all be. But have my late-in-life diagnosis + a toddler who does a lot of things someone with adhd might do .. it's hard not to wonder "is that an early sign, or just a toddlerism".

I don't want to seek a diagnosis .. but I do want to support him early. Even if he doesn't have ADHD, surely there must be techniques out there to support the "under-the-threshold" symptoms he still might have? Is it too early to get into all of that? Just tackle the toddler-isms with toddler advice?

Hello toddler parents! Asking this here instead of New Parents sub, because we know how crazy toddlers are.

I have a 2.5 yr old and a 3 month old. In a few months, they’ll be 2.75 yrs old and 6 months and I’m invited to go to my friend’s bachelorette Thurs - Sun in another state.

I felt super optimistic, desperate for a break, and wanting to celebrate my friend and her engagement back when I agreed to go and bought flights a few months ago.

Cue a solo-parenting dinner two nights ago for the first time where my toddler tried testing every boundary. Now, I’m rethinking. How can I do this to my husband LOL. AH!

Here are some more details:

-Toddler is super strong willed. Not exactly a “defiant” kid though. Super sweetheart when he’s in a good mood. Baby has been chiller, but of course we don’t know what she’ll look like in a few months let alone a few days.

-Toddler is in daycare M-F. He might transition to a new class that Monday prior to me leaving, or, the class might transition a month later. We don’t know yet. Last year when he moved up classrooms, he had a very hard time at drop off.

-Baby will start daycare that Monday. I’ll be home and off from work M-Wed to help ease the transition (but then it feels like I’m peacin out). Part of me feels guilty that she’ll go through a transition time while I’m away, but I also know babies are resilient and this is a small drop in the bucket.

-Husband will be off from work for the entire month prior (his paternity leave), so he will be very used to caring for baby and what she needs at that stage/age.

-I’m EBF but baby will take bottles when my husband watches baby, since that month is when I’m back at work.

-Husband went on a 10 day trip a year ago while I solo-parented just the toddler (before I knew I was pregnant). He really wants me to take a turn and go on a trip so he is encouraging me to go.

-Husband‘s family lives nearby so they would likely stop in for a visit on the Saturday or Sunday, but they are definitely not the “help us out” kind of people. More like “drop in to say hello for an hour” people.

-I’ve known this friend for over a decade. We don’t talk regularly as we live many states away but we care deeply for each other and I would feel bad missing it. However she also understands having young children means maybe not being able to attend (she is an aunt of many). I’m already likely missing her bridal shower since I return to work the next day and it’s hours away.

If you read this entire thing - THANK YOU - would love to hear what you think. I can’t tell if I’m being overly optimistic in thinking I can go, or overreacting to the bad dinner. Maybe both. Maybe I need to wait to see when my toddler changes daycare rooms, or shorten my trip. Maybe it’s not black and white yet.