Resentment
My husband’s family does not do anything supportive. This has been years in the making and over the last 2 years I finally put my foot down on them using us for things.
Early on in the relationship they were always nice enough. His mom made some comments about my body and ethnic background but would say “oh I shouldn’t have said that.” So always correcting herself but I never fully forgot it. I mentioned to my husband and he said he would talk to her but I told him it wasn’t a big deal. Then more comments and the cycle continued. I blame myself for not speaking up.
When we had kids each child, we have 3, exposed their lack of support. Never showing up to help after postpartum, no baby registry gifts, etc. They made a trip out 2 months after the birth of our second and never even held their grandson. My husband took them out one night while I stayed home with our 4 year old and 2 month old. I now realize how awful that was and how I allowed it is beyond me.
My third pregnancy I did not share news of the pregnancy since it would make no difference. They never asked about the pregnancies so why? The day my daughter was born my MIL upset that she was not informed previous made some comments about me birthing frequently which my husband called her out on. My FIL got into it when my husband called them out for their lack of help.
My husband has started to be more vocal. He has asked for help with respect to hands being here and helping with kids but his dad who is married to a woman 20 years younger says he can’t travel without her, says they have travel plans, needs to budget his money. He retire at 50 and his wife does facials at home.
My mother in law is mentally not well. She lied about having cancer and took my older son into the bathroom with her when she was naked. This is the first time she visited. There’s a lot more off behavior here….
My husband is on the same page about the lack of support but I know he has a soft spot for them.
Growing up he had a rough upbringing with them and said their lack of support is the same.
I have so much resentment towards them and to some extent my husband. I hate that my kids are in some way related to these people. How do you get passed this?
With my husband, we have had some really awful fights about his family but he now says he sees their lack of support of support and it bothers him.
They don’t call on kids birthdays. No gifts. No mention of wanting to help. They have told people that we want help since we did not budget correctly. We have never asked for money.
I am also angry with my husband and I have not let it go from the years of the comments to his family using our home. I wanted him to have spoken up. One time I was 6 weeks post partum and he gave his dad and step mom our bed since we had the larger room to sleep in. I think he did it so they would feel comfortable and wnat to come back but I am still upset that he did that especially since I had a really rough delivery.
At this point we don’t talk to his family really. His father in law offered to call the kids 1x and have a 15 min call. They all live out of state and retired. His mom got mad about her taking my son into the bathroom and has t called her son in 2 years. She made sure my husband was aware that she had some low blood pressure issues and was rushed to the hospital and asked that he call her. But no asking about grandkids etc.
How do you get past the hurt? The resentment? How do you get over the grief of not having that support?