Discomfort with gendered treatment
Hey yall. I don’t know where to post but I’m having a new thought because of an unexpected emotional response to being called “mom” by my child. I’m female and have never tried to change my pronouns or disliked my appearance, but I have always been rather non stereotypical as “girls” go. I was planning to get a hysterectomy a few years ago but because of med changes got a pregnant instead :/ pregnancy was hell to me in every way. When I had the baby, I chose a nickname, “BamBam,” instead of “mommy” for my title. When asked I said it was just because the mom names didn’t feel right. My kid stuck to the name until starting prek. Now I can either answer to “mommy” or ignore requests for needs like water, which would be pretty shitty.
I have lost a lot of my sense of self in other ways, spent several days in a row with the family doing stereotypical mom things, and breastfeeding the youngest baby. Last night I couldn’t stop crying into a pillow to keep from waking up the kids. I told a friend this morning “being called mom feels like shit.” And she said “have you thought about it as a gender thing?” I hadn’t. And I’m trying to. Does anyone have any books, podcasts, figures to recommend? I feel hollow and scared and angry and I just want to give my kids the best of me.