u/2kgod4lifenoglizzy

I genuinely don’t know what to do about my father anymore and I need outside opinions because my emotions are all over the place.

Growing up, we basically never had money. My childhood was constant financial stress. We lost our house, were always in debt, and there were times we literally did not have food in the house. The second I started working, my dad started taking my money to “help support us.” This went on for years. Eventually things got so bad he got evicted and I had to move out and live with my mom.

What confuses me is that he actually makes/made a good salary. That’s why my family thinks he has a gambling problem. I’ve personally never seen him gamble, and part of me feels guilty even thinking that about my own father, but I honestly don’t know what else explains the constant financial disasters. He is ALWAYS broke or in some emergency despite making good money. There’s always a reason: his car broke down, he’s on sick leave, work issues, debt, unexpected expenses, etc. He constantly asks me for money even now that I don’t live with him anymore.

I’m conflicted because I don’t know if he’s truly a gambling addict, financially irresponsible, manipulative, or just someone who genuinely cannot manage his life. My mom, grandmother, and other family members are convinced he gambles and say he was emotionally, financially, and sometimes physically abusive toward my mom during their relationship. But because I never actually caught him gambling myself, part of me keeps doubting whether I’m being unfair.

On top of that, I feel like he’s emotionally manipulative. Any time I question him about money or ask why he never has savings, he guilt trips me about everything he did for me as a father. He sends long messages about sacrifices he made, how ungrateful I am, how I “lost the person who loved me the most,” etc.

Part of me feels guilty because he IS my father and I know he struggled in life. Another part of me is angry because I feel like I spent my entire childhood carrying stress that shouldn’t have been on a kid. I also feel like he uses guilt instead of taking accountability.

The biggest question I have is: should I cut him off completely or try to keep some type of relationship with boundaries? I no longer live with him and I don’t financially depend on him at all anymore. I just don’t know if keeping contact with someone like this is hurting me more than helping me.

And for people who’ve dealt with gambling addiction in family members: is it common to never actually SEE the gambling itself, but constantly see the financial chaos around it? What would you do in my situation?

I genuinely don’t know what to do about my father anymore and I need outside opinions because my emotions are all over the place.

Growing up, we basically never had money. My childhood was constant financial stress. We lost our house, were always in debt, and there were times we literally did not have food in the house. The second I started working, my dad started taking my money to “help support us.” This went on for years. Eventually things got so bad he got evicted and I had to move out and live with my mom.

What confuses me is that he actually makes/made a good salary. That’s why my family thinks he has a gambling problem. I’ve personally never seen him gamble, and part of me feels guilty even thinking that about my own father, but I honestly don’t know what else explains the constant financial disasters. He is ALWAYS broke or in some emergency despite making good money. There’s always a reason: his car broke down, he’s on sick leave, work issues, debt, unexpected expenses, etc. He constantly asks me for money even now that I don’t live with him anymore.

I’m conflicted because I don’t know if he’s truly a gambling addict, financially irresponsible, manipulative, or just someone who genuinely cannot manage his life. My mom, grandmother, and other family members are convinced he gambles and say he was emotionally, financially, and sometimes physically abusive toward my mom during their relationship. But because I never actually caught him gambling myself, part of me keeps doubting whether I’m being unfair.

On top of that, I feel like he’s emotionally manipulative. Any time I question him about money or ask why he never has savings, he guilt trips me about everything he did for me as a father. He sends long messages about sacrifices he made, how ungrateful I am, how I “lost the person who loved me the most,” etc.

Part of me feels guilty because he IS my father and I know he struggled in life. Another part of me is angry because I feel like I spent my entire childhood carrying stress that shouldn’t have been on a kid. I also feel like he uses guilt instead of taking accountability.

The biggest question I have is: should I cut him off completely or try to keep some type of relationship with boundaries? I no longer live with him and I don’t financially depend on him at all anymore. I just don’t know if keeping contact with someone like this is hurting me more than helping me.

And for people who’ve dealt with gambling addiction in family members: is it common to never actually SEE the gambling itself, but constantly see the financial chaos around it? What would you do in my situation?