u/444moshi

I turned 21 back in February, and ever since I've been ruminating over my age. Whenever I see someone who's younger than me, I feel this pain that I will never be that age again, and im only going to get older. That's where the nostalgia part kicks in. nostalgia is surely going to be the death of me the way I always think about it. likeI strongly want to go back to being 20 again, and I can't stop ruminating about it. Now as a 21 year old, I can't help but look back and see how much I missed out on. I never thought twice about aging, and I see it as a privilege to even grow older. but as of late I just can't help but feel impending doom with each year. I know in hindsight this is such a stupid non-issue, but god are these thoughts consuming my life right now. I especially hope I don't turn into one of those older ladies who are bitter/jealous towards younger adults for their age. because if I feel old at 21, then how am I going to feel when im much older? if nostalgia is consuming me this young, how am I going to live to see my older days. I just want to live in the present and leave my past alone, I fear if I keep ruminating on nostalgia, then the present will fly by without a glance.

Ive always been open about being muslim to others, but as of lately i feel ashamed. i feel ashamed of the disgusting representation we have. muslim men going online and spreading false and radical info about islam and making us seem crazy. the way most muslim countries treat women/other minorities irl and online. and seeing non-muslims view us as some “brainwashed” idiots, its all heartbreaking.

And I feel like ultra religious muslims take the religion and twist it to fit their nasty narrative. most of these radical muslim men on these podcasts dont even preach about actual stuff from the quran, they just spew hate and false rules for women they pulled out their ass. no wonder non muslims have some kind of warped ideas of muslims when this is what they see!! (im not defending actual islamophobia, i just understand why ppl would be critical of islam when this is what they see).

On top of that, ive seen a lot of ppl say that if you believe in islam then ur stupid and brainwashed and need to “wake up”. idk if its because i have ocd so i overthink a LOT, but i really do take things like that to heart. i dont consider myself to be brainwashed at all, but hearing people say things of that nature and generalize all muslims hurts me.

i just wish better for this community. And i wont lie, the community pushed me away from islam a lot. i wasnt a very religious person to begin with, and now i feel even more detached. I wish the muslim community was more understanding, accepting and empathetic to people with different backgrounds, esp women.