u/6iteme

My 22 month old is running, climbing, jumping etc and has gotten really good with walking by herself while we are out. We also just got her a nice playhouse with a slide and ladder in our backyard that she likes to climb and I notice her wanting to take her shoes off a lot. I’m assuming out of discomfort because when I put on her slippers or something like that she’s fine. I always make sure the shoes have enough space for her toes to spread out. Whenever we go out, she likes to walk the whole time and I noticed after a while I can tell her feet are hurting.

But I’m having some issues with finding some shoes that will be comfortable for her growing feet. Everything I find online either seems gimicky, bad quality, or they’re extremely expensive. I’m not willing to pay more than $40 for shoes that are basically just for playing outside. She has a lot of nice shoes that she will wear out like some jelly sandals, vans. She also has some adidas that are pretty comfortable but I worry they aren’t wide enough for her developing feet.

I want some that have nothing to do with looks, all to do with foot development, comfort, good grip for playing, and affordability. I’m kind of tired of this era of endless options for baby’s and kids because it’s all money grab nonsense. I just want to know what works well and that’s it lol so pls help a mama out. Thank you!

So I’ve been with this man 3 years. We have a toddler, a nice home, 2 cars. For a while we had a seemingly great life.
I come from a background of abuse, trauma, and honestly I thought I overcame most of it but I’m realizing now that because I’m used to such bad behavior, I excused his for so long. Was so blind. So whenever he had one of his outbursts or whatever it may be, I quickly was over it and we were back to happy and on top of the world.

When I had my daughter things shifted for me and it became harder and harder to ignore. As much as I excuse things, I also feel things deeply. I’m intuitive and could sense his deception and mask more and more. It made me feel so uneasy, and unsettled. But I couldn’t really understand why because I didn’t realize he was a narcissist. So of course I try to fix things and as you all know…fixing things is probably a narcissists biggest fear because that would that some introspection. Anytime I try to address anything regarding our relationship he spirals into a seething rage. Doesn’t matter how nice or delicate I am with my words. He screams, hits himself, breaks things.

Another aspect that has made this difficult is that he’s definitely covert. He’s always been extremely giving, showered me in gifts and compliments, helpful, responsible, very successful, never questions how much money I spend. Cleans. But I will say doesn’t help w child care for shit.also he’s always had anger issues even when he’s nice. He can bein the best mood andI. The snap of a finger he’s angry. He’s almost ALWAYS on edge. He’s always trying to pick fights w strangers. But he’s also overly nice to many ppl he meets and knows. It’s VERY confusing.

He finds ways to manipulate me, keep me controlled, so I don’t leave. He’s frequently made comments about how I wouldn’t have it as good with anybody else. He always makes little comments like that.
He also frequently accuses me of cheating or wanting to leave him.
We frequently had good weeks though where we had fun together and enjoyed each others time. Until something between us goes south. There’s no way to talk to him about anything.

He finally had to leave because it built up and I had enough. I broke down in tears almost begging him to stop making me so miserable and his response was to break a piece of furniture and grab my arm and tWIST IT HARD. I knew it was done after that. ESP since my daughter was awake and around. Can’t have her in this environment.
Prior it always happened when she was in bed.
But he’s put his hands on me before. Even pushed me while pregnant

After a huge blow up he’s good at charming me with hugs kisses and nice words and we move on. But lately I just can’t do that. I need real clarity communication and change. Whenever things get bad he says all the right things but never any action. Since I’ve tried to get real change, there’s been an extreme shift. His mask is slipping and he definitely is in his devaluation phase because I think he realizes he can’t have what he wants with me. I won’t just shut up and take it anymore, or a nice thought out text that means NOTHING. It’s not enough for me anymore.

I feel like he’s been going out of his way to emotionally fuck with me since he left. It’s been really hard. But he’s eventually gonna need to come back, and we have to try and be civil until we have everything sorted out. It’s all so hard I just want to throw up at every second of the day.

One moment he’s going on about how much he wants us to work and change and when I push back and try to point out he’s said that so many times and I need real clear CHANGE; he immediately goes back to cold psycho and just unleashes his rage. Tells me I’m crazy and too much. Tells me I’m the reason why this is failing because I always “pick and push and worry too much. Always pressing him” but he’s made me feel this way, so panicked and like I need to fix and over explain and figure out why. Also….huh? I can’t even go down the street without him immediately calling me to ask me where I’m going. I asked where he was last night and he started cussing me out lol definitely cheated. But whatever I don’t care anymore I guess it’s just devastating to see the mask go down. Because before he used to atleast try to reassure me. Even if it was fake and with an annoyed tone

But honestly. Is that I think about it his love never felt deep. Or real. It felt surface. He mostly just sexualized me when trying to be romantic. Compliments never went past looks. His attempts at being deep for me were pathetic. It’s only when he feels he’s lost me but even then. Idk he rlly his an empty shell of a person. It’s terrifying to realize. He also is very hot and cold, kinda always has beeen. Some days he’s extremely sweet and loving, others he’s disconnected completely. And when I ask what’s wrong he just gets mad.

He gaslights me constantly too. He says things to me and when I bring it up later he goes “I never said that” it’s insanity. I’m going insane.
He makes me feel like it really is all my fault. I don’t know what’s up or down.

I feel so extremely anxious and on edge I can’t even get my thoughts together to clearly type this. He has been so up and down and hot and cold. I feel so broken down and feel so stupid for letting someone do this to me after all I’ve overcome. Wish I could fast forward to when this is all over and is just me and my daughter. All I want is to just be at peace and focus on her.

So to make a long story short I have to leave an abusive relationship soon. I had a decent job before getting pregnant, became a SAHM. You know the tale as old as time. Much I regret, but can’t dwell too long cause I have my blessing of a child.

My soon to be ex makes good money. 200k a year. Maybe a little more. My plan is to play as nice as possible until I have a solid foundation and plan. The job I’m going back to is decent but nowhere near 200k. I live in an extremely expensive state so I’m already mentally preparing myself to shift my mindset, and get ready for a drastic change in lifestyle. Luckily before any of this I’ve had my fair share of hardships and am resilient. In a way I’m excited to get away, I don’t care about this material shit anymore.

But I’ll be honest with you all- I’m probably not the smartest with money and being frugal. I’m not a crazy over-spender but have my moments. I did grow up with very little and seems I have that scarcity mindset and think that if I don’t buy something now, I won’t be able to get it later for whatever made up reason. I also was definitely doing some retail therapy to forget about the problems and abuse I’ve faced. It made me feel better to buy my daughter all the nicest things. But guilt always comes soon after and I have worked hard on reversing this and only buying absolute necessities especially since I knew I’d have to plan to leave soon.

I didn’t have my parents growing up so have had to slowly teach myself how to be smart with finances. Definitely getting the hang of it but still feel sort of dumb? In that area. Like I could be doing more.

So from one scared and soon to be struggling single mother, give me all the tips you have the time and patience to write out. Food, finances, cost cutters, you name it. Thank you in advance ❤️