feeling left out in a longtime trio
ugh. this has been a long time coming and I hate it.. sorry this is long TLDR at bottom
ive been super close with my “best friends” for almost 10 years. we all knew each other in hs- some of acquaintances and some of us friends (we were 4 at one point).
we got super close in college and then i went through some deeply depressing things. my friends could not emotionally support me and i ended up falling into isolation. i blame myself w this everytime I feel left out.
but my friends were getting closer and closer. I didn’t mind this at first bc I eventually found friends that could also emotionally support me. but over time the one on one connections I had started to deteriorate. we all have shared common interests but the other two click together more. but oddly when we were four I click with let’s say Emma and maddie clicked more with danny. now, Emma and maddie click more (danny left).
we’re at the point now where we still have such a great time in person but not much of a relationship outside of those hangouts im invited to (keyword invited to). i thought it was my business, where i lived, etc that made me the third wheel but we’ve all fluctuated in those realms the last few years and still- im the one left out.
if it was just feeling like the third wheel, I’d continue to eat it. but now the communication and dynamic keeps getting weird. and sadly I don’t think maddie is helping. maddie has our gc muted and only speaks when Emma does, often expects Emma to communicate on her behalf to me, and they both speak to me directly in the gc even if it’s not a group matter (they do NOT do this w e/o). in person they’ve got a lot of inside jokes but it’s been bothersome since I noticed maddie will not explain when I ask the context and will continue to joke:( that’s super weird to me and has honestly gotten me to stop asking. sometimes Emma will explain when she notices.
maddie has quite a few micro aggressions towards me and we’ve riffed in the past and I have had to confront those riffs. Maddie and Emma talk all day, but maddie can’t be bothered to talk in the gc. the only place she’d talk to me. Emma doesn’t seem to care- continues to play this odd “glue” role
this is only what I can put tg rn bc im currently sick and dealing with a lot of sudden stuff terrible health stuff rn. we were supposed to hang last week and Emma canceled on Maddie’s behalf. I asked “what’s going on maddie” and Emma only responded- maddie never did. Emma even sidebarred me and explained the bad day maddie had, and even she had, maddie couldn’t stay long anyway (never knew abt that change), and Maddie had to get home asap (but had time to take Emma home from work). she told me she should’ve said something earlier and I told her it’s not her job to speak for someone else. she barely agreed then asked me to say this in the gc….. meanwhile she was in the car with maddie (can speak for her but can’t tell her fl just respond to her friend?). she said “it would take the load off” of maddie. that was honestly super super deflating and I have been feeling pretty detached from both of them. admitting you speak for our friend to me and telling me abt her in a private convo and expecting me to follow up in the gc when our friend can’t bother to respond to my “is everything ok” msg for a week is crazy. maddie hung out w another friend group the next day (so she knows how gc work). and right after Emma asks me if she can make other plans on my bday…. and the canceled hangout was supposed to be us making bday plans🙂 side note she didn’t ask to make plans on Maddie’s bday- which the weekend after mine.
TLDR: my trio has turned me into a mutual friend and I tried to confront a frustrating moment, it got swept under the rug and now I just want to leave if it won’t be addressed correctly. if that’s not the right move, what do I even say?