u/AS-AB

Im a 20 year old dude. I've never struggled for much. I'll keep this brief as I don't care to write a whole lot rn.

Got a 33 on my practice act (top score is 36) and a 31 on the real one. Never studied in school, procrastinated everything. Still was in honors and AP. Didn't care to go to college.

Learned a bunch of exercise science cause my tiktok was filled with it, and spoke on discord about it a bunch when I was bored and wasnt playing games.

Was in therapy for years for depression and shit. Can articulate things well sometimes but I rarely seem to be able to sustain motivation.

I know a lot of info and seem to have a strong intuition over things, but initiating and sustaining action has always been a struggle for me.

I know all I'd ever need to know over diet and exercise to formulate a plan or a philosophy that'd carry me through life, yet I just dont do it.

I wanna be an emt but dont want to research or study it despite the stakes involved, I almost expect to do well regardless of what I do which is a terrible mindset for the profession.

Deep down I really fucking hate doing anything upon my own accord and wish I had some dude telling me what to do all the time, but I dont wanna be that fucking dude for myself. I've been it for so many others.

Even that I dont want tbh. Its infuriating. I'm defined by my inconsistency it seems, despite priding myself on my precision in communication.

Give me the magic pill to all my problems please and thank you. Why can't I just grit my fucking teeth?

What are the symbols, such as the diamond and puzzle piece, on the left right under the sizes?

I've a bunch of raw talent and very little dedication. I have a lot a safety nets too. I'd rather lay in bed and do nothing all day, but I don't actually want to do that. I want to want more. What to do?