u/AbaloneDry3074

(I'm Japanese. I'm using a translation tool, so there may be some discrepancies in the wording.)

I’ve always had low self-esteem. Part of it is that I haven’t had many experiences of success, but it’s probably also because I heard my parents repeatedly tell people around us, “My child isn’t all that great,” out of modesty (in Japan, humility is considered a virtue). Also, when I was in elementary school, I had selective mutism and struggled to assert myself.

Whether it was schoolwork or video games, there was almost nothing I was bad at; I could handle everything reasonably well. However, for better or worse, I was just an all-rounder, with no outstanding achievements. Even when I succeeded at school or in games, it didn’t give me any fundamental sense of self-worth.

I think I did reasonably well at work, too. However, (partly due to my selective mutism), my interpersonal skills are very poor. I have no problem speaking, but I’m bad at small talk and weighing the pros and cons during conversations. Also, I have a serious disposition and find it hard to tolerate ambiguity or people who slack off. At my previous job, this caused me to become somewhat depressed.

My love life is a disaster. The only girlfriend I ever had broke up with me immediately at her request. I’m confident in my appearance, but as a shy person, I wasn’t able to build up successful experiences during my student days when there were plenty of opportunities to meet people. The dating apps I’ve been using since entering the workforce aren’t working out either.

What worries me most is my lack of romantic experience. Unless I achieve some kind of miraculous success in that area, I feel like I’ll never be able to truly believe in myself. Because my self-esteem is so low, I’m too scared to take on part-time jobs or look for new work, and I don’t get much attention from women either. I end up being overly cautious about everything I do. I’ve been like this since my college days, so I still regret the opportunities I missed back then.

As you can see, I’ve had a lot of failures and experiences that haven’t helped boost my self-esteem. I’m in my mid-20s now—how can I build confidence in myself?

(I'm Japanese. I heard that these kinds of discussions are quite active in English-speaking countries, so I'm writing this using a translation tool.)

I quit my job last year, and it’s been almost a year now. I went through a pretty tough time before I left, and when I visited a mental health clinic afterward, I was diagnosed with mild depression (though I think I’m doing much better now).

I'm in my mid-20s now. I figure that since I’ll be working for decades, taking a few years off shouldn’t be a big deal. Plus, having been so serious up until now, I’m actually a bit drawn to a more unconventional lifestyle. I also realize that I’m just not cut out for working in an organization. However, in Japan, long gaps in your resume and frequent job changes are viewed as flaws. A gap of more than a year is considered a red line. But since having too many job changes isn’t good either, rushing into a new job and failing at it isn’t a good idea either.

(In Japan, there’s a deep-rooted mindset that views taking time off as laziness and dislikes a lack of consistency in a person’s actions and background, starting with frequent job changes.)

One option is to work part-time while studying for useful certifications that could help me become self-employed, but I’m not quite confident about that.

A friend of mine who also graduated from the literature department quit his job a while ago, but he has a clear sense of purpose (he wants to appear on sports TV and is honing his entertainment skills), so he doesn’t seem to be wavering at all.

Given this situation, what do you think is the right thing to do?

転職を機に上京するか迷っています。今の家は多少大阪に出やすいのですが、上京も経験としていいなと思っています。一応、過去に5回くらいは東京に行ったことがあります。

上京といっても、千葉・神奈川などの近郊に住むことになるし、長居するつもりはありません。

今は20代前半で、アニメやゲームが好きなのでそういうイベントに参加しやすいこと、環境を変化させられることは大きい利点だと感じています。

恋愛や出会いにも期待したいのですが、どっちの方が期待値が高いかな？というのは疑問に感じています(大阪と東京で女の子の嗜好や性格の傾向が違うというのを目にしたので...)。

ただ、正直人が多いのは得意じゃないし、節約は得意だけど金銭的にはやっぱり不自由も多いのかなという感じです。

(僕の状況や考えの話は抜きにしても)こっちにすべき、こういう利点がある！みたいなのはありますか？

新卒で1年半ほど勤めた会社を辞めて、再就職しないままあと数か月で1年が経ちます。前職ではそれなりにつらい経験をして、後でメンクリに行ったら軽度抑うつと診断されました(今でもたまに辛くなります)。

自分は文学部出身なのですが、文学を真面目にやった人特有の社会不適合(権威や曖昧さが苦手、仕事の意味を深く考えてしまうなど)があるうえ、過去の経験的にも組織に長くいることや社交辞令が苦手です。でも空白期間の懸念も感じていて、履歴書などの準備だけは万端という感じです。

でも、何十年も働くのなら自由な時期があってもいいと思うし、今まで真面目にやってきた分、人とはズレた生き方にも少し憧れます。今後フリーターをしつつ、将来的に独立を目指せるような資格の勉強をするのも手だと考えていますが、自信が持てずそうした方向にも舵を切れません。

大雑把に言うと、すぐにでも再就職を目指すかフリーターをやるかで迷っています。客観的な意見をお聞きしたいです。

redditに登録する前は人生相談系の個人に立ち入ったような内容の投稿を見るのが好きだったのでそういうのを投稿したり返信したいんですけど、人生相談とかキャリア、恋愛相談系でそういう投稿に適したコミュニティはありますか？

調べると、英語圏向けのコミュニティの方がそうした投稿が多いらしいのですが、日本人向けだとそういうのは少ないでしょうか...？

reddit始めてみました！わからないことも多くあると思いますが、よろしくお願いいたします。