u/Abby3298

As the title says I received a letter from my (soon to be ex) Husband. I don’t know what to do. We haven’t spoke since March 30th and even then it was just letting me know the US probation office would be giving me a call. To some extend I feel like no contact has helped me, but then I hear from him or receive a letter (like this) and wanting to respond consumes me. I don’t know how to talk to him anymore. After the arrest I felt myself holding back my thoughts because he’s technically not in prison yet and I don’t want 1. What I say to somehow show up in the divorce/criminal case and 2. I don’t want him to end up killing himself (no mental health help where he is at currently). After any phone call we have had I find myself mad that I sugarcoated things or apologized if I was “too hard on him”. This man committed heinous crimes for YEARS and yet here I am apologizing and stepping around his feelings. I want to get it all off my chest, but I don’t want to risk opening up communication or potentially be what sets him off.
The main thing helping me stay NC with him is my daughter. I was 22 weeks pregnant when he was arrested and I found out my life with him was all a lie. I will continue to protect her from him. I honestly don’t know if I’m asking for advice or if I just needed to rant but here is my messy life for those who want to peruse it.

I am currently in the middle of a very messy divorce. Long story short my ex is waiting a prison sentence. He is going to be away for a really long time (heinous crimes). Him and I have gone low contact. We mostly reach out to one another to handle business like: “hey where in the house did you keep {item}” or “my next court date is ___”. Not going to lie it’s been really hard he was my best friend until I found out he had a whole other life and that he had hurt a lot of people. I still find myself wanting to tell him about my day and all the problems I’ve been having but him and his parents have been the root of those problems and I can’t deny that.

He gave his parents durable power of attorney and they try to use it to cross a bunch of boundary’s. Saying they need access/copy of a key to my house because “it’s their son’s too and they have DPOA” blah blah blah or the fact that they have access to my savings account, but haven’t given me access to it (finding out my husband never put my name on our joint savings account was a fun surprise after the arrest). Anyways this means I’m really divorcing his parents and not my husband. Right now I’m not answering their messages and I’d like to go no contact for good. Two issue: 1. I am best friends with my sister in law and I adore my niece and nephew 2. I have a 5 month old baby (I was 22weeks pregnant when the arrest happened).

If it wasn’t for my daughter his parents would have no issue forgetting I exist. They rarely saw me as a member of the family. Have even asked me to step out of family photos before. I could probably show up to my niece and nephew’s birthday parties and interact minimally with my MIL and FIL, but I don’t see this being possible now that I am the mother of their grandchild. My daughter is so precious to me and I’m not sure if I’m comfortable giving them any access to her, but I want her to have a relationship with her cousins, Aunt, and Uncle. I don’t want to keep her from going to future birthday party’s or family events either. Anyone ever experience something similar. Do you have any advice?

Letter from Prison