Failing in Everything
For context I am a 11th grader from Bangladesh, my dad recently passed away causing me to have to move away from South Africa to now Bangladesh and my mother is working insanely hard for me and my brother to succeed. Luckily, my brother has been able to succeed by studying in Malaysia with full scholarship. But that lives me; the failure. I like to begin every year with a set of goals that I try to complete, I never wish to be able to achieve all of those goals but I try my best to complete as many as possible and most years, it ends really well. But this year has just been horrendous, I began the year by applying to my dream college for Grade 11-12 (UWC) and got rejected, I didn't really care that much since I knew it was quite a long shot. Then I has school club election which was the only thing that I truly kind of succeeded in this year being able to win president of math club and chess club (For context these are the main extra curriculums I do), I really like math and frequently participate in Olympiads in schools being top 3 most of the times but those don't matter much during university applications. My next goal was to be able to win the BDMO by at least reaching top 3 in Bangladesh, I was able to make it Top in Dhaka but failed in Nationals round making me even more depressed, then I played Nationals in chess and Failed that too losing 120 elo in 1 tournament (for non chess players, its a insanely bad performance in chess), Next in April i had to give my O levels, I aimed to get at least 1 distinction or 100% in one of the exams like my brother however it felt like I froze during the exams and made minor silly mistakes causing me to lose that hope too. Then, there is elections for the School Student council which was my last hope for this year and that election results came out today, and guess what? I lost. This was my first ever time I lost in a school election which means I am losing my popularity in school as well. Now I feel extremely depressed because I don't really have anything else to do this year and managed to fail literally in everything I did, I usually talked to my dad about things like this but now I don't even have that, and my mom is just like any other Asian mom that doesn't understand these things and my brother is almost always busy with his university so unable to talk to him too. Someone please help me cause I genuinely don't feel like doing anything and sometimes get suicidal thoughts too