u/Abject_Weekend_5971

Salam all,

A very random and a bit important question came up in my head.

I’m from the UK but originally born in India. I came here at a very young age (around 8) so spent basically about a 3rd of my life in india and the rest here, and I’d like to marry someone from the UK (within my own community).

My question is, if my parents ever look for someone from India, how would I respond, and how would I say I want to marry someone from here without being rude or disrespectful and without making it awkward? I understand that they'd want someone from india not only because i was born there but also because we're from there so it'd make sense to find someone from there, but me personally I dont want to.

Or what if a proposal comes from there?

The reason is mainly because I've settled here, have a UK-based lifestyle so it would make sense to be with someone with a similar background and it would also feel more compatible for me in the long-term. There are also practical factors like visa processes, costs and everything involved with moving countries.

Has anyone experienced this where you moved to a western country at a very young age or born in a western country and your parents found someone from back home (desi people)?

Looking for genuine advice.

What advice would you give to those who really want to get married but are struggling to find the right person or feel “ready” due to circumstances like finances, timing, or not meeting the right person yet?

I’d also really like to hear from people who got married young (late teens/early 20s). What was your experience like, and what would you say to someone in a similar situation today?

What would you say to your past single-self?

I understand cooking by yourself is important, but when you're used to living with your family, the cooking is mostly done either by your mum or sisters so you have dont have an opportunity to learn.

Would that make a difference to you?

Also, an additional question: what if he has never ironed clothes before? Would that matter to you if he was willing to learn? I am just asking because this is a skill that can be learned very easily, and some people may simply not have needed to do it yet by themselves until after marriage, just like cooking.

I am making this sister only so no guys can comment "Oh bro, you cant cook or iron? Thats embarrasing" 😅

For example, women who are doctors, lawyers, teachers etc. would you be comfortable marrying a guy who works in the physical labour industries like logistics, construction, warehouse etc.?

I mean, I know some women prefer a man who has a similar professional career to them and I am not generalising here, i am just saying that some women and/or their families, not all do and i dont have any problem against their choices. That’s a separate discussion altogether.

Im just asking because these industries are often looked down upon when it comes to marriage prospects because they look for someone who works in a professional career similar to them. In some cases, the woman herself may not mind, but the parents might. Again, I’m not generalising, I’m just genuinely curious about different perspectives on this.

So please be kind in the comments. Thank you.

Also, I am putting the "discussion" tag instead of "sisters only" so men can comment as well because i think this is an interesting topic and hasnt been talked about often, specifically about job industries like the ones mentioned above, for marriage prospects.

I just randomly thought of the story of prophet Yusuf AS and how he went through multiple trials including betrayal, the well, seduction, prison. And even the separation from his father, where his father Ya'qoob AS would cry until he became blind and would say “I only complain of my suffering and my grief to Allah, and I know from Allah that which you do not know.” And then later he became a king, reunited with his father and his brothers asked for forgiveness and they did sujood to him (out of respect). He had no idea what was happening.

It made me think about patience and trust in Allah’s plan, especially when it comes to things like marriage. Yusuf AS's patience is described as sabrun jameel (beautiful patience).

Of course, we can’t compare ourselves to the level of the Prophets, their patience was on a completely different level especially Yusuf AS (sabrun jameel). And obviously, this isnt about marriage itself, but the key lesson here is patience, and we can still try to learn from it and apply even a small part of that patience in our own lives, especially marriage.

I myself am going though something, but this made me reflect on this and thought Id share this here.

A part of you wants you not to forget, but eventually you have to at some point but how? Also weirdly, I get retrospective thoughts about the person and its hard to not think about it, even their future which I sometime cant stop thinking about. Its kind of very hard to stop 😭.

I know people will say the obvious, like getting busy, distract yourself, focus on deen etc. But even then, it still feels like that person will stay on your mind no matter what, at least for a while. Even a fear of not forgetting them at all.

I also find it difficult because I don’t really have a strong social circle or a proper job/routine at the moment to fully distract myself with.

Salam everyone,

I wanted to post something that’s a bit sad, but also not entirely sad, if that kind of makes sense.

So things between me and a girl recently ended, however it ended on a positive note. We hadnt been in contact for almost a year due to certain circumstances, and today I contacted her to see where things are with her. She replied with reasons explaining why she couldnt respond and I told her it was sad to end things but I also told her that Allah is the best planner. We both said we hope each of us finds someone better and who is right for us. We then made dua for each other and decided to part ways on good terms.

It feels a bit strange. I feel some peace and contentment because a part of the burden from my heart has lifted and i got clarity, but at the same time I feel a little sad and hurt inside. I don’t really know what to feel, happy or sad, cry or smile. Although, I have accepted the qadr of Allah and im sure she has too, but it'll be hard for both of us but it is what it is.

Has anyone ever felt like this when things ended for you?