u/Able_Tangerine_4202

Asalamaleykum. I really need advice on a hardship that has been going on for a year and a half.

I have been living for years with my parents in a filthy home with my sister and brother. My father is never there because of work, so I have to manage everything alone (cooking, shopping, budgeting, housework, crises at home, my depressed mother, my sister). And our apartment has become dangerous over time due to neglect. Last year I had to deal with a severe bed b\\\*g infestation by myself because my father refused to call professionals although we had the means to. It was unbearable, it genuinely left me disabled under psychiatric care, taking antidepressants. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, my hormonal acne came back, I lost my hair, I lost my period for a year with my PCOS, all of this to protect my family. I was the one to caulk our apt until my hands were blistered, disinfecting, cleaning, breaking furniture, going to the landfill. Waking up at 7am to clean and finally being able to go to bed at midnight, rinse and repeat for 9 months. Free labor and still today I barely get a thank you.

It's been a year, thank God, the infestation was resolved. Except now my building is infested with roaches. I swear I have contemplated suicide several times. That's to tell you how much I felt like Allah was mocking me, astaghfirullah… The worst part is we're supposed to move, but it keeps dragging on, it's an absolute nightmare how there's ALWAYS delays. CPS is involved, we can't even live in our own home anymore. We've lived in this apartment for 10 years without any problem, but JUST AFTER the worst trial of my life, ANOTHER one, subhanallah… I've considered becoming homeless, running away. I am young, I wanted to be independent, get my driver's license, have my own place, get engaged, inshallah… Nothing. I feel empty. I feel like my life is completely ruined. That's it, I'm disabled, it's too late for me.

I am taking steps on my own to live alone and find work, but with my disability it's really difficult. My little sister also has mental health problems, I have to manage and help her because she's fragile… I am so tired. Everything always falls on my shoulders no matter what it is, and I don't understand why nothing works. The more time passes, the worse it gets, and the less I believe in Allah SWT… I thought it was the evil eye or sihr, but I never leave home, I have no friends, I don't post anything on social media so I don't understand, especially since it affects my whole family… I am completely alone, I am so scared. I feel like Allah has completely abandoned me, I am paralyzed.

I have done everything: I started wearing hijab, I multiplied istighfar endlessly, I was diligent in my prayers, tahajjud, zakat, read the Quran in 3 days, salawat, Surah Al-Baqara, ruqyah, I stopped some addictions I had, but nothing… First Ramadan during the BB infestation was spent at the landfill throwing our whole life away, the second I couldn't even fast because of my PCOS. I am mentally exhausted, I have no taste for anything anymore, I am dead, completely dead. I feel like if it was a test, I have failed it.

I have so much resentment towards Allah for allowing this to happen, towards my parents for their neglect... I feel like a shell of a person. While girls my age live a normal life, I'm a maid in my own home, catering to my ungrateful family. Please tell me what to do, I can no longer believe. I am this close to giving up on life

Asalamaleykum. I really need advice on a hardship that has been going on for a year and a half.

I have been living for years with my parents in a filthy home with my sister and brother. My father is never there because of work, so I have to manage everything alone (cooking, shopping, budgeting, housework, crises at home, my depressed mother, my sister). And our apartment has become dangerous over time due to neglect. Last year I had to deal with a severe bed b\*g infestation by myself because my father refused to call professionals although we had the means to. It was unbearable, it genuinely left me disabled under psychiatric care, taking antidepressants. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, my hormonal acne came back, I lost my hair, I lost my period for a year with my PCOS, all of this to protect my family. I was the one to caulk our apt until my hands were blistered, disinfecting, cleaning, breaking furniture, going to the landfill. Waking up at 7am to clean and finally being able to go to bed at midnight, rinse and repeat for 9 months. Free labor and still today I barely get a thank you.

It's been a year, thank God, the infestation was resolved. Except now my building is infested with roaches. I swear I have contemplated suicide several times. That's to tell you how much I felt like Allah was mocking me, astaghfirullah… The worst part is we're supposed to move, but it keeps dragging on, it's an absolute nightmare how there's ALWAYS delays. CPS is involved, we can't even live in our own home anymore. We've lived in this apartment for 10 years without any problem, but JUST AFTER the worst trial of my life, ANOTHER one, subhanallah… I've considered becoming homeless, running away. I am young, I wanted to be independent, get my driver's license, have my own place, get engaged, inshallah… Nothing. I feel empty. I feel like my life is completely ruined. That's it, I'm disabled, it's too late for me.

I am taking steps on my own to live alone and find work, but with my disability it's really difficult. My little sister also has mental health problems, I have to manage and help her because she's fragile… I am so tired. Everything always falls on my shoulders no matter what it is, and I don't understand why nothing works. The more time passes, the worse it gets, and the less I believe in Allah SWT… I thought it was the evil eye or sihr, but I never leave home, I have no friends, I don't post anything on social media so I don't understand, especially since it affects my whole family… I am completely alone, I am so scared. I feel like Allah has completely abandoned me, I am paralyzed.

I have done everything: I started wearing hijab, I multiplied istighfar endlessly, I was diligent in my prayers, tahajjud, zakat, read the Quran in 3 days, salawat, Surah Al-Baqara, ruqyah, I stopped some addictions I had, but nothing… First Ramadan during the BB infestation was spent at the landfill throwing our whole life away, the second I couldn't even fast because of my PCOS. I am mentally exhausted, I have no taste for anything anymore, I am dead, completely dead. I feel like if it was a test, I have failed it.

I have so much resentment towards Allah for allowing this to happen, towards my parents for their neglect... I feel like a shell of a person. While girls my age live a normal life, I'm a maid in my own home, catering to my ungrateful family. Please tell me what to do, I can no longer believe. I am this close to giving up on life