u/Abudireddit

Recently ive been trying to shif my mentality from "allah isnt answering my duas" to "Allah has a plan for me but i gotta wait", but honestly I cannot shake this feeling out of my head. I am tired of waking up everymorning and as soon as my brain is out of sleep mode, the thoughts start to creep in "youre alone, youre worthless, nobody wants you" and its just so tiring.

I have received so many beatings and dissapointments with my love life that i have negative selfsteem and I get that woman dont define my worth, but it still hurts. Im not here to complain about my situation or that allah hasnt given me chances or that ive messed things up, Im here because i need the thoughts to stop. I know allah has his plans and that I dont have to complain about my situation and Im trying not to, but I need for the love of god for this thoughts and this feeling of worthlessness to stop asap. I cannot keep waking up everyday feeling like this, i just want to feel at peace with myself. I have been asking allah in my duas to at least give me peace in my mind and help me feel better while i wait for whatever the plan is, but Im still not feeling better. Therapy doesnt work, speaking to my friends and family dont work too, reading quran also doesnt work so what else is there for me to try? There has to be something I can do to just eliminate this thinking and just feel okay

Recently ive been trying to shif my mentality from "allah isnt answering my duas" to "Allah has a plan for me but i gotta wait", but honestly I cannot shake this feeling out of my head. I am tired of waking up everymorning and as soon as my brain is out of sleep mode, the thoughts start to creep in "youre alone, youre worthless, nobody wants you" and its just so tiring.

I have received so many beatings and dissapointments with my love life that i have negative selfsteem and I get that woman dont define my worth, but it still hurts. Im not here to complain about my situation or that allah hasnt given me chances or that ive messed things up, Im here because i need the thoughts to stop. I know allah has his plans and that I dont have to complain about my situation and Im trying not to, but I need for the love of god for this thoughts and this feeling of worthlessness to stop asap. I cannot keep waking up everyday feeling like this, i just want to feel at peace with myself. I have been asking allah in my duas to at least give me peace in my mind and help me feel better while i wait for whatever the plan is, but Im still not feeling better. Therapy doesnt work, speaking to my friends and family dont work too, reading quran also doesnt work so what else is there for me to try? There has to be something I can do to just eliminate this thinking and just feel okay,

There has to be a way when someone is in extreme hardship that your whole body feels this deep pressure inside to call Allah urgently. There has to be a faster way to ask for Allahs help than just making dua and waiting. I refuse to believe that there isn’t a way to ask Allah for immediate help when someone is going through so much hardship pain and suffering. Please if someone knows how to do this please share with me how to do it. There has to be something I can do

Link to previous post:
https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimLounge/comments/1t5m0sh/comment/okkrj00/

Thank you everyone that reached out to me on my previous post, i appreciate your time, but I gotta be honest on how I feel.

I think i have fallen into despair with waiting for allahs help. I am done lying to myself and pretending like I believe in him blindly when i dont. Everytime I make a dua and wait for an answer I always tell myself that perhaps the answer is stored for me in the hearafter, but honestly? That is not what I want. I do not trust that allah wants whats best for me. I have been suffering for 4 years and I have been asking for the same dua over and over again and I still cannot get married. I have done everything possible and I still cannot do anything to get married. I want it now, not in the hearafter, not in the future, not to be protected from a pain, i want it now. If allah doesnt plan to give me marriage might as well just take me now, I cannot keep bearing this pain any longer, its tormenting my every thought 24/7 of every single day minute and second of my life. I dont want to keep reading the same words from the quran with the hopes of getting some sort of relief.

What is the damn point of being alive anymore? I already pray, but I am weak, this test is more than I can handle so might as well just fail me allah. I have dedicated everything to you and I am left worse than when I started this journey, and I cannot take it any longer. If being loved by you means to be tested then I dont want love. This isnt what love should be all about, ive already reached rock bottom like 50 times in my lifetime, im 28 and I look 40 from the amout of stress and axniety this has caused me. My life is in ruin right now and I for the love of everything cannot find any joy in anything. If you are there PLEASE just do something. PLEASE

ive made this same post a few times before and I have heard every iteration of a response by now. I have probably heard every hadith and every attempt at making the situation better. But honestly? I dont want this anymore.

Ive tried countless times to better my situation, but ive failed. I hate everything about my life. Ive ruined everything, and I feel the loneliest even tho i have people around me.

I cannot stop being miserable no mater what I do anymore, and this pain is whats on my mind 24/7. The other day I read in the quran that we should not wish for deatch because it might be that one day allah grants that wish to us. But I also read that nobody will enter jannah without allahs mercy. Cant I just ask him to have mercy on my and take me away from this world and grant me jannah?

We chose to come to this earth and be tested, but I dont think the previous me considered that maybe I wasnt cut out for this world. I am weak and I am a failure. I have failed this test given by allah and perhaps that is okay. Not everyone is meant to pass that test right? Allah tested me with loneliness because a meaningful conection was all I desired out of this world. He knew this was gonna be my biggest test ever because this is what my heart yearned for so long.

I feel a deep emptiness that isnt going away after reading quran or going to the masjid. The numbness has been with me for such a long time now that I just forgot what its like to feel joy.

I am writting this message on reddit because I am tired of asking allah for help. What is supposed to be my purpose on this earth? We were sent here to worship and pray, but I already do this. I already do what I was supposed to do on this earth. I quit my haram life 4 years ago and I have stayed faithful to this religion for so long. I stopped everything, I abandoned my old life for this religion. Im already fulfiling the job I was sent here to do. Now what? Allah what am i supposed to do now?

I have tried to keep an open mind and do as musa did. I made the dua and I was paying attention for every door that might be open to me, but as soon as I tried that door it immediately shut for me. I am putting my part allah, i trully am and I have re evaluated everything I know, I changed I trully did. But why cant my circumstances change ya allah. I am tired, I am exhausted, I am hopeless and I am suffering my lord. You are supposed to be more merciful than anyone yet I wouldnt hesitate to help anyone in my situation. You are supposed to love me more than my own mother, yet she would do anything to get me out of this situation. Did I do something to upset you? Have I not repented enough to you? Have I not done enough? Can you please communicate with me and tell me what you want me to do? Please?

Why am I so flawed? Where is the ease allah? Why cant my hardships end? Could you please take me with you? Im lost and I dont know what else to do anymore