u/Acceptable-Pain-7037

Can’t eat. Can’t sleep. Just keep walking up and down West Cliff. Driving through the forest. Going on runs and trying to turn off my brain without alcohol. Trying to go an hour without that sinking feeling and the tears.

Every landmark triggers memories. Every place I love in this town I love because the crystal image of her beautiful face is etched onto it. I want to hold her hand and take her to the Del Mar Theatre for another cheesy horror movie. I want to make her laugh and hold her in the cold sand under the moonlight after we’ve both had a long day. I want to jump in the river with her and hug her tightly in the sunlight to get warm. I just want her to shoot me one more crooked smile when she tilts her head and makes it clear that she adores me as much as I adore her.

She’s the girl that I had been looking for. And she made me feel like the man I’ve always wanted to be. And dang I miss feeling like that guy. I miss you, K

I’m sorry that I broke up with you. You have been the best friend I’ve know in this confusing dream of life. I’m sorry I was mean to you and made you feel small. You didn’t deserve any of that. I hope you can forgive me. Please know that all is forgiven on my end.

I wish I could hold your face and tell you that everything’s going to be ok. You have the sweetest face ever. Thanks for letting me look at you for so long and for not being upset when I would cry while holding you.

Maybe down the road when we’re happier people and our hearts are lighter, I can be your big strong husband and we can have a few babies and just be nice to each other everyday. At the end of the day Katie, you are just my best friend. We were made to walk through the summer clover, to dance together and sing, to make love and to watch the world move. God I just want you next to me everyday and through every little thing.

I guess I’m just really sorry. I don’t want my best friend ever to hate me. I think about you all the time and in everything I do. You are incredible. You have a heart of gold. Your imagination is bright and bursting with color. Your loyalty is so admirable. And the beauty and calm in your face (as you know) can always make me cry. And you loved ME. How could we be so lucky and how could we have squandered it like this?

Please never change. I’m sorry that these years have been so hard on us. I loved, love and will always love you — more than you may ever realize. I hope I see you again one day, my love. My sweet Katiebug