Serious Relationship Advice Needed! (19M) My gf is and Ex are 19F both.
I need honest advice because I know I messed up badly.
Background: I studied in an all-boys school till 9th grade and had almost no female interaction growing up. In 2022, I became friends with a girl (N) through a mutual friend. At first I didn’t like her romantically, but she became my first close female friend. In 2023 she confessed that she liked me, but I rejected her for a long time because of family/caste issues and because I only wanted a serious “forever” relationship.
Eventually in March 2024, I confessed too and we started dating.
At first things were great, and I genuinely fell deeply in love with her. But I was always scared about our future because of caste/family issues. Later, our relationship became very unhealthy. Around Oct 2024, she became distant—less calls, less meetings, cold behavior, constant excuses about being busy. Then she started blaming me for not understanding her emotional needs during my JEE prep and repeatedly brought up breakups.
From that point onward, our relationship became a cycle of breakups, patch-ups, emotional fights, and mixed signals. She would say she doesn’t love me anymore, ask for breakup, then come back. I begged her multiple times to stay. Once I even touched her feet and begged her not to leave me. She even told my friends I was weak and overthinking too much.
I stayed because I had imagined my whole life with her and wanted things to work. But by Jan 2025 I started realizing that even if we got back together, she might repeat this same pattern whenever life got hard.
Eventually I stopped talking to her.
Then I met another girl (A) through mutuals. She was genuinely everything I wanted—kind, emotionally available, peaceful, and our future seemed much easier. We connected deeply very fast (calls till 3 AM, constant conversations), and eventually started dating.
But then my ex (N) came back.
I wished her on her birthday just to be respectful, and she started talking again. She told me she was going through serious family issues and was crying every night. I felt guilty and responsible for her pain.
Instead of handling it maturely, I panicked. I told A that I needed “time,” then went back to N.
A was devastated and called me a cheater/liar. My friends were furious too. And honestly—they were right.
After going back to N, I realized I didn’t actually feel happy. I realized I was acting out of guilt, responsibility, and habit—not love. I had confused “saving” my ex with loving her.
I ended things with N again.
Now N is begging for another chance and saying she’ll fix everything. But I still don’t think our relationship has a healthy future.
A says she can never trust me again, and I completely understand why.
The truth is—I genuinely want A back. I want to earn her trust again and build a future with her. I felt the most peace and happiness with her, and I know I deeply hurt her.
At the same time, I don’t know if trying to win her back would be selfish after what I did.
So my question is:
Should I completely let both of them go and work on myself? Or should I try to rebuild trust with A and prove through actions that I’ve learned from this mistake?
Please be brutally honest—I know I messed up badly.
I really want to get back to A. Win her trust and make a living with her.
I'm going through very bad phase. Confused, guilty, regrets. I had made plans to enjoy with A. Now I see everything destroyed by me.
(I used AI to make my story concise. )