u/Acceptable_Peanut_80

I just looked at my side profile from a mirror and it is complete garbage. Like not only is it clearly female but it's also developed poorly. My maxilla has not grown forward properly which flattens my profile. I also have a really small jaw bone and chin. My forehead is feminine as fuck and my nose bridge is low and narrow and the tip is round and turned upwards. Basically nothing about my side profile is masculine.

I'd like to have a long viking hair but I just look like a woman right now. I'm at the verge of cutting my hair short again.

Can't even grow a beard yet to hide my hideously small jaw and create masculine length for the lower part of my face.

Are there any other guys here with same type of issues? I feel like everyone else looks at least somehow like a dude even if they fid have some unfortunately feminine features. I feel like I just have too much of them to look like a man

I tried non monogamy because my woman wanted a girlfriend and got dumped in less than a year. The most painful part is that I instinctively knew how it would end, even the timeline I suspected was pretty much correct. Yet I agreed because I loved her and doubted that maybe I'm just being pessimistic. We also lived together and I was a father figure to her child more so than the kid's bio dad. I didn't want to lose my family. We had issues in the relationship considering intimacy. I kind of suspected that she is just gay and she did say multiple times that she wants feminine touch.

Last spring we agreed to try and she chatted with women on apps and went on a date even. I had the apps too but in all honesty I was not interested in meeting anyone. It was nice ego boost to get likes but that's it.

Then last summer her and a woman from her friend group got more intimate and in a few weeks time their relationship became romantic. It was tough for me but I managed as temporarily me and my partner's relationship seemed going well too. Ehich is also something I anticipated to happen initially. Then over the course of next months she started missing her new partner more and more and by winter she was spending every weekend at her place. And being mentally absent when at home.

It's been a little over 2 months after we moved apart and a bit longer than that when she said she wants us to be only friends for now. She even admitted that I was correct with my hunch on how things would go.

The full magnitude of this tourmenting months long break up is finally now starting to hit me. I am disappointed in myself for not listening to my intuition and leaving her the second she proposed non monogamy. I know this pain has lessons in it that I need to learn.. to not put my happiness and needs aside in order to keep someone. But man this sucks right now!

I can't even cut contact because I am still present in her kid's life. Seeing her glowing and thriving is painful. It really seems that she is over me. She did say a couple times she misses chatting nonsense with me.. called me even only to talk although it turned out it was because her partner was with her other partner and her best friend wasn't available. So that kinda left mildly bad taste.. being kinda the spare option again. I think she genuinelly wants to be friends but I'm not there yet.

I have kept our communication strictly about our kid or about sharing our car etc. mandatory things because I'm not over her emotionally and don't want to feed deeper connection because I know she can't give me what I still currently desire of the connection.

On a higher level of conciousness I am honestly happy for her. I can acknowledge the fact that we weren't as compatible as she and her new partner are. On a logical level I know there are more compatible options out there for me as well. But right now I am miserable and crushed.

I feel honestly that my ex was just too afraid to ends things with me and pursue dating women. And I was too afraid to lose her so I agreed to toss my own needs aside.

This experience made me realize that poly truly is not for me. I am wired to love one person romantically at a time and I expect to get the full bread instead of breadcrumbs in return.

I made the decision to date myself now. I've been too focused on romantic relationships my whole twenties and after this one I'm really done running after women. The right one will come if it is bound to happen when I focus on myself.