u/Accomplished_Arm1838

So I’ve passed my test in February (I was only doing weekly 2h lessons, no private practice) and only got my car last week - not driving it just yet as I’m waiting for insurance to become valid next week. I’ve done a little drive with my friend once we’ve picked up the car and I did feel quite rusty, especially in a car I’m not used to driving yet. Does it feel harder to get used to driving more frequently by yourself if you’ve haven’t been frequently driving when learning? I will have a refresher lesson with my instructor and then I will do my best to drive at least once a day and do some easy local routes outside of rush hours until I build my confidence. Any other advice apart from that?

I’m a 30F from the UK. Just getting this off my chest, all this been bubbling now for quite a while.

I have an 8 year old ASD daughter and while our life feels quite peaceful and non-chaotic (it’s just two of us, no coparenting), it’s so stagnant, monotonous and boring I could cry.

For starters, I don’t have a family, nor any friends where I live (making and keeping friendships is also hard for me due to lack of time, childcare, and other things). I don’t date due to my daughter’s condition, as I just have this fear of inviting some psycho into my life unknowingly and also because I kinda avoid being rejected due to having a disabled kid (and also not wanting any more).

I have a small part-time job while my daughter is at school but I do it alone (so no socialisation at work). I also try to build a little freelance business from home (again, alone.) Literally the only time I socialise during a regular day is with my family over the phone, when I exchange a few hellos with moms or staff from my daughter’s school or when I have a little chat with my nail lady one every few weeks or when I comment back and forth with someone on social media. I’m hoping to get into college this year and get some extra qualifications but that’s still questionable because I might need to do extra work practice along with classes and that will mean finding childcare for my daughter outside school. Our day to day life is boring (prep to school, school/work, after school we mostly staying home, dinner sleep, repeat Monday to Friday). Luckily I can afford organise some outings or trips for us when she’s off school.

I also live in a northern town with a cold climate (basically spending 8-9 months under grey skies with a winter jacket or not wanting to leave home at all) the town itself is also very dull and boring and I constantly fantasise moving out. (which I will probably do once my daughter finishes primary school because I can’t see myself growing old here).

Basically on the inside I keep having these thoughts and I feel like my life will never move ‘forward’ from here and will never look the way I envisioned it 5-7 years ago. I know that I’ll most likely never hit those adult ‘milestones’ like marriage, having a baby with a person you love, buying a family home and stuff (and yes, I’m aware they are NOT the most important things in life and plenty of women live without them) but now with my daughter’s diagnosis, I don’t even know if I’ll ever see her hitting those milestones - she might be under my care as an adult for the rest of her life.

Life just feels like it came to a complete halt, complete dead end and I don’t know what to do or where to go from here. I’ve got nothing to look forward to. I’m grieving the life I’ll never have and it’s just so hard. How do start accepting the life that you have and the path you have laid for yourself and find genuine happiness in it and don’t compare your life with anyone else’s who hit the ‘traditional’ adulthood milestones? I always wear this content, happy mask for everyone to see but I’m not happy at all.

I will try to improve my life in the meanwhile, like trying to get out of the house and socialise more, thinking of joining some volunteering group and I really hope I’ll manage to get some qualifications that will help me get a better job. Also, my daughter is my life and would die for her, but motherhood with no support is awfully hard and I also feel for all the moms in this sub.

So that’s all from me. Perhaps someone on here will help me change my perspective.