My post was removed in another thread and I’m not sure why. I just don’t know how to get better. I don’t know where to start. I want to start recovery so bad but I have no idea what to do. I’m in therapy but my therapist sucks and I’m trying to do it on my own but I can’t and I have no idea what recovery even looks like.
I don’t know how to post on Reddit. I don’t even know where to start.
I’m 18 years old and a biological female. I’ve always labeled myself as nonbinary and use they/them pronouns, but not many people respect that. I haven’t come out and I don’t make it clear to use those so idk how people would know anyways. I’ve always thought to myself I’d transition when I’m older but I didn’t need to then, because I was probably like 12-13 and I felt comfortable being a girl. It would be on and off where I’d be comfortable being feminine and then I wouldn’t. I started dating a trans man about 6 months ago. I honestly don’t even know where it came from. I started getting uncomfortable with my chest and I have this friend who kind of knows how I feel about transitioning and he validates me, he has since even before I started dating my boyfriend. I don’t know. I don’t know if Im just crazy or if I actually feel this way. He helped me tape my chest because I don’t wear bras and my boobs bother me and I came to him crying after I showered about how I felt ugly. This was just last night. He told me he wouldn’t be opposed to a T4T relationship and said he saw this coming (me asking to use tape?). Idk. I want to think I’m crazy and that one day I’ll feel comfortable wearing makeup again and showing off my boobs and wearing girly clothes but I just don’t see that happening. I don’t know if I’m actually feeling this way or if I’m just feeling this way because I have a transgender boyfriend. Am I stealing his thing? I can’t be transgender too. It feels like I’m copying him. i really like taping my chest and it’s just making me think about transitioning even more than I have ever thought about it before. I’ve never felt this comfortable in my body. I can wear a tank top and not have my boobs out, and they’re not flapping everywhere. Idk. I think I just need advice. I’m scared to go to him because of how he’ll react. I’m scared of how I’ll react. I’m scared that I don’t actually feel this way and I’ll regret it even though I’ve been feeling it for years. It builds up I guess.