My spouse (42F) is devastated that I (45M) won't marry her
I have been in a relationship with my spouse for 6 years and we have lived together for almost 4 years. Over a year ago, we bought a house together.
She told me early on in our relationship that she wants to get married someday. I told her very honestly that I have never been interested in marriage and that the quality of the relationship matters much more to me than a signed piece of paper and any kind of ceremony. After that, I assumed that there was a good chance that she would have bailed on me because of that but she never did. So I assumed that the message was received and that she accepted my answer.
But earlier today, she was commenting on how my sister has been with her spouse for 25 years and that they have 3 kids together and are still not married. I off-handedly mentioned that we'll be together for that long and unlikely to be married ourselves too. To my surprise at the time, she was taken by surprise by that comment and didn't react positively to it. I had reminded her that i made that very clear and quite early into our relationship.
She did not talk to me for hours after that until finally she came down and cried and told me how devastated she was by me saying that and that she has daydreamed about marrying me for a while and always hoped that i would change my mind. She also talked about how she had longterm relationships with a few guys in the past who were not interested in marrying her either. I did tell her that it was never that i didn't want to marry HER but i wasn't interested in marriage, period.
She also did say that the last thing she wants is for me to begrudgingly do it now after she expressed this because that would feel forced. And that basically, no matter what i say now, doesn't really change anything. But she is not leaving me over this.
Part of me feels absolutely terrible that she had taken this very hard and still has a strong desire of marriage, which she didn't really express since that last time years ago. Part of me is annoyed that she got her hopes up so high only for me to crush them or assumed that i would change my mind after i had said enough times that it wasn't on my radar.
Point is, I don't know what to do now. I have no idea how to move past this. I don't know how to show enough love for her to compensate for her disappointment.
Thoughts? Ideas? Words of wisdom? Thank you.
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