Just ended a two-week streak.
I'm not gonna say I "threw it away," because it still helped and I can get it back. I'm not gonna say I failed, because two weeks is the longest I've gone without in a very, very long time.
But I feel like shit. Those two weeks were so good; I felt proud of myself and happier. I was hopeful. I still am, but it was natural just yesterday. It was twice today, but (without going into detail because idk if that would trigger someone, even if it's brief) the first time caused me physical pain and the second time made it worse. I'm not trying to quit masturbation as well; masturbating without porn actually helped to manage the urge to watch porn during my good two weeks. But since I was already looking at porn, I figured I might as well masturbate as well (I know, it's a bad idea because pleasure association, feeding the cycle, and so on), and I didn't even care when it started to hurt. I'll be okay, eventually, but for now I'm really not doing well. Gonna look for some distractions soon. Maybe something productive or creative. That helps sometimes.
