My girlfriend stayed in a room with a guy who hit on her, after I'd left. We talked it all through, but I still don't feel safe. What do I do?
My girlfriend and I have been together for a bit over a year. We're both 18. She invited me to her graduation trip with her classmates and her best friend, who I already knew
The trip started out fine drinking, swimming, hanging out. At some point she goes off to the beach with some guy, saying they needed to talk one-on-one. I got anxious, jealous, and drunkenly followed them, ending up yelling at the guy, basically "did you two hook up?!" pretty aggressively, and dragging them back to the group. Looking back, I get that was my jealousy and insecurity talking, not a reasonable reaction, and maybe that's where everything started going downhill
Later that night I lost my wallet, then my phone. I spent almost two hours looking for them, at one point alone on the beach, where a stranger tried to kiss me twice — I pushed him off both times. My girlfriend didn't help me look for either one, and later admitted she was upset with me over the earlier situation and thought I wanted the wallet to buy more alcohol. To be fair, she did eventually find my phone. After that, she and her friend sent me off to bed
The next morning it came out that instead of talking to me about it, she'd complained about me to that same guy. Later, while I was asleep, that guy — the one she'd talked to alone — started saying stuff like "you're not even really into girls, are you," tried to kiss her, put his hand on her leg. My girlfriend says nothing happened, that she pushed him off and yelled at him. She says she didn't leave because she didn't take it seriously and it was happening in front of the group anyway. Later, she and her friend came into my room to sleep, but stepped out for the AC remote and ended up going back to the guys' room and staying there. Meanwhile her best friend was making out with the other guy in that same room. Basically both guys just wanted to sleep with the two of them
What got to me most was that after this guy hit on her, she still stayed the night in that room with him and the others, while I slept alone in a different room. When I brought it up, she said she didn't feel unsafe because her friend was there — though her friend was basically already passed out, and they figured they'd just wait until the guys fell asleep before leaving
After that we had a long talk. I owned my part — the jealousy, the aggressive reaction, the fact that alcohol made it worse. She admitted that in the moment she wasn't thinking about my feelings, and apologized. We agreed going forward: I won't confront guys I'm jealous of without talking to her first, I'll drink less around her and we not to split up at such parties anymore.
I do think the conversation was honest and a real step forward. But I still feel gross, hurt, and honestly a little unsafe about the fact that she chose to stay in that room after what happened. I don't know if I'm dwelling on something we already talked through and closed, or if this is an actual red flag I shouldn't just let go just because we "made up." It's not even really about jealousy at this point it's about disrespect, indifference to my feelings, the fact that I literally felt like I'd been made a fool of when she brought it up laughing the next morning
Has anyone been through something similar where you both took responsibility and made agreements, but you were still stuck on how your partner behaved in the actual moment? How do you tell if that feeling means there's still something to work through, or if it's just leftover hurt that fades with time?
(later, after we left, she blocked him and unfollowed him everywhere)