u/Achashdarpan

I'm having a moment of significant introspection after an emotionally chaotic week. This is something I've known but still struggle to break out of, I'm addicted to several narratives in my life that are causing me to manifest upsetting situations. This week an SP I desire to have a romantic 3D relationship said something very emotionally unintelligent and slightly hurtful to me that is ultimately still congruent with the idea I have of her in my head. I tried manifesting an apology, envisioning her feeling extremely sorry and affirming that she's apologizing to me.

Today she did another hurtful thing to me, again very emotionally unintelligent rather than malicious. Something she's done before and was something I just "knew" was gonna happen the whole day. It was really hurtful, and still hurts. It's been a few weeks of insecurities rising up due to an outside circumstance and it is clearly inpacting my concept of us and her, which went from NC from the beginning of the year to us now being quite close but still not in a relationship. She ended up apologizing pretty much immediately when I pointed it out, profusely even. Reassuring me on everything I wanted to hear, including apologizing for the incident I was originally trying to manifest anyway.

It's bewildering to see the fruits of my practice occur in such a negative way. Reminds me of Neville trying to manifest going to Barbados and succeeding - through his mother's death. I envisioned her feeling extremely sorry towards me, and it happened - just not for what I had wanted. But still getting that apology for what I wanted anyway. My thoughts are, in knowing this and seeing it in action and knowing that I am especially good at manifesting her specifically - why do I refuse to shift my internal state to us already being in a happy relationship?

I am addicted to the narrative that while we'll be together eventually, it's only through intense emotional episodes like this. We've always gotten closer through strong shared emotional conversations. I know that every time I feel a strong emotion towards her and vice versa, we grow closer. Is a part of me afraid that if I do not manifest strong negative emotions it will negatively impact that? Yes. Even when I consciously know that is not the case. But that is not the only reason. There is a theme to my suffering, there is a narrative that makes it interesting. I suffered, I'm hurt, but I was comforted. Would it be better to have never suffered but also never have experienced that comfort or raw emotion from a person I am in love with?

There's many narratives that compel me, and I feel it is the same for you. I don't feel I can have x until y. I can't make $100k/yr until I make 75k/yr. I can't manifest a relationship until I manifest smaller things like $100 or a baby to stop crying. I worry that unless I experience suffering I can't get what I want. The law of assumption is demonstrable. You can empirically test it yourself. It has quirks and limitations that we don't fully know as of this point, but you can prove to yourself that you have some kind of control over reality. And you will still choose to suffer. Most people do, even if we remove manifestation and the law of assumption from the equation. People make choices they know will hurt them. Suffering is a human need as much as food or water or human connection. The only question is, what kind of suffering do you really want to put yourself through?

For practical purposes, you have to ask yourself whenever your thoughts misalign with the wish fulfilled - "Why am I, knowing my assumptions and internal state shift the 3D reality around me - forcing myself to suffer?" Because it feels safer in the familiarity of the suffering than in the unknown? Because you feel like it's necessary? Because you feel like you deserve it? When you misalign from your chosen reality you are allowing yourself to suffer. Just ask why. It's not a bad thing, you don't have to not choose to suffer. But it is important to understand yourself. I know why I choose to suffer at times, I will likely continue to for some extrent - but I am going to try to break the addiction to the narrative that makes me suffer more than I would actually like to.

One thing that I have noticed is that assumptions which are extremely broad and/or potentially have unwanted ramifications seem to manifest more consistently and faster than very specific and/or wholly positive assumptions. The best specific example I can come up with personally is that I have always held the assumption that those who wrong me will suffer. Not some kind of belief in karma, but for certain reasons I was always under the assumption that those who wrong me (or more aptly I feel significantly wronged by) will suffer. Unfortunately, this extends to those I deeply care about. I cannot think of a single time I felt significantly wronged and they "got away with it", this is by far my most consistent manifestion. To the point where I apologize in advance in my head.

Another would be a conscious manifestion where I changed my assumption to "everyone is attracted to me" which has been consistently powerful to the point where I am getting unwanted advances. "Everyone likes me" and "everyone roots for me" are also very consistent, general manifestions. "Everyone wants to help me with [very specific goal]" is still proving effective, but less-so than more general ones.

As for assumptions with negative ramifications a big one is an assumption I have where my relationship to two specific people are inversely correlated, where the worse my relationship is with one the better it is with the other, and simultaneously the better with one the worse with the other. This has proven to be absolutely 100% correct in all directions.

I want to understand this. I have flipped a lot of things seemingly overnight with very generalized changes, and while very specific things have worked out they have taken time. What are your experiences with general vs specific manifestations? Or potentially negative/neutral vs wholly positive? My personal theories are:

• General assumptions have more opportunities to present themselves
• A potential negative side effect removes some of the emotional attachment that may feed into lack
• My personal favorite - a fun one - we are inherently better at manifesting a negative. Think about it, to believe in the law of assumption is to believe that you are already manifesting against your desires as-is. I believe the law of assumption is based on the negative. What you desire is what you've been manifesting lacking. For practical purposes, it may be beneficial as a crutch/training wheels to attach a negative to something you're trying to manifest. I think my example of the inverse relationship is best here. I know that the worse things get and the worse I feel about my situation with person A, the better things will get with person B. It's not something I particularly like, I'd prefer to have a great relationship with both of them. But my brain is addicted to the narrative right now, even though in the end I will have both.