u/Acrobatic-College286

3 years ago I (27F) got raped and fell pregnant. I was at uni during this time, I am from a very toxic, religious family so I couldn’t go to them for help. I had to do everything all on my own. But it wasn’t even the rape that has haunted me, but how my “friends” treated me during that time. When I told them what happened to me, they didn’t believe me, they were the most disgustingly haram people I knew but they handed me a quran, and told me to touch it and say wallahi I got raped. They said it’s just from me sleeping around and being a slut. They would walk behind me at uni and mimic my waddle, I was 4 months pregnant and it was very painful. They would suggest I keep the baby, and let men have sex with it and use it as a cash cow. They’d call me fat and just violate me everyday. They said other disgusting things but my brain has blocked it out. I had at home abortion on my birthday with a kit I ordered. It didn’t even work…but I didn’t know.

I thought it was over, but a couple months later my belly kept growing bigger and I realised I was still pregnant. During those months I fasted for ramadan, it was the most difficult fast of my life, I was crying wondering why it was so hard for me not even realising I was several months pregnant, I went to the hospital in tears begging the nurses to help me. They were so kind, they arranged a surgical abortion. Man. When I woke up from that procedure, and I touched my flat belly, I cried and cried. I was mourning the loss of my non existent child. I felt sick. I couldn’t go outside without crying. I felt scared all the time. I felt so fucking lost and sad. Those “friends” have been harassing me by calling me on no caller ID every other saturday since. They use voice changing apps to just harass me, pretending they want to have sex with me. Saying more disgusting things.

I wish I could ruin their lives. I wish I defended myself, I feel disgusted that I let them treat me that way. I tried therapy, but when I told my therapist all this she started crying, and then I ended up comforting her and I never went again. I reported it to the uni but nothing happened. One of them does law, the other does med, I can’t imagine how someone so corrupt could pursue those careers. I love stoicism and spiritual meditation, and even though I understand that everything happens for a reason and all that pain has made me the person I am today, I AM JUST STILL FUCKING ANGRY, it happened years ago but I still think m about it EVERY FUCKING DAY.

Since then, Ive met a man who has changed my life for the better. I love him deeply and im grateful he’s in my life. It was going well for a while, but very recently, I got let go of my jobs, have been forced to move back home in a very small town where there are no work opportunities. I feel useless, I look for work and it’s like my CV vanishes in the void, I feel lost. I feel tired. I’ve been wanting to write on reddit about this for a while, I hope someone can just tell me it’s okay.

Hey everyone! I’m at the gym typing this out bc it’s been on my mind for a while and would love some outside advice!

So me (26F) and my cousin (23F) were very close, we supported eachother through some very rough times, we would talk nearly everyday, but we’d rarely meet up despite living very close.

My younger sister (let’s call her K) recently went through a very bad divorce, while it was happening, I updated my cousin on what happened. However, K’s friend invited her over and told her that some girls in the community have been gossiping about what’s happened to her, and have pointed at her at a charity event and whispering “that’s her.” My sister cried and we found out it was my cousin who had told a girl that she literally hates now. I asked my cousin why she’d tell this person our business, and she said that she didn’t say names or who it was, just what happened. But I still feel annoyed. Btw we are south asian so you already know how toxic the drama is.

Ever since then i’ve barely been replying to my cousin. I just don’t trust her. But it pains me bc I value my relationships with the people I care about, we have been like sisters until this.

A few other things to note that idk how to feel about is: my cousin told me she has a bf and they’ve been together for over a year!! I had no idea! And they’ve been on holiday several times, which hurt bc i’ve been asking to go on holiday with her for a while. I couldn’t believe she never told me this. Another weird thing is her bf has me blocked on instagram, I found this out bc she only follows 5 people but I can only see 4, my sister who follows her checked and saw all 5 including him. Is it weird that she’s made her bf block me?? I just don’t know what to think bc I feel bad for airing her messages, but I feel guilty for causing my sister to cry and feel humiliated. AIO?