What do you think about this 32M 38F
Posting for a friend. She doesn't have reddit, but we are discussing this now and your opinions on this matter. TYIA.
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I ignored every red flag because I thought I was being understanding. Turns out I was just being used.
I 38F met a guy 32M and within ONE weekend this happened:
\* He pressured me into driving him and his coworkers back from Niagara Falls after I said no multiple times.
\* Had me buy his coworker’s GO ticket because he “couldn’t” buy more than one on his phone. Later found out that was a complete lie.
\* I got hit with a parking ticket.
\* Paid for gas driving 2.5 hours each way.
\* Paid for his brunch and dinner.
\* Bought a $55 goodbye gift for his coworker because he claimed he was “too busy” to do it himself.
\* Total cost to me that weekend alone: around $340.
\* Total repaid: $0.
And before anyone says “why did you pay?” ..trust me, I ask myself that now too.
At the time, I thought maybe he was stressed, maybe struggling financially, maybe just awkward. I gave him the benefit of the doubt because I genuinely felt sorry for him after he told me he had failed an exam. That pity turned into eight months of emotional confusion and one-sided effort.
Over those eight months:
\* He formally took me out twice.
\* Constantly framed staying home and cooking together as “his preference,” which I now realize mostly meant not spending money.
\* Stayed in my hotel room for free on my work trip.
\* Never once walked me to my car or checked if I got home safely.
\* Called me every night when I was convenient, then disappeared for weeks whenever he went home to Ireland.
\* Avoided defining the relationship every single time I asked.
\* Gave just enough affection to keep me emotionally invested without ever fully committing.
The weirdest part is how calculated it all feels in hindsight. Tiny gestures. Daily calls. Drawings. Little emotional breadcrumbs. Just enough warmth to keep me attached while contributing the absolute bare minimum.
At one point he literally wrote “I love you” in code on a penguin drawing instead of actually saying the words out loud. Looking back, that pretty much summarizes the entire relationship: plausible deniability disguised as affection.
The biggest realization for me was this:
A man who genuinely cares about you does not comfortably sit there while you absorb every financial, emotional, and logistical burden. Especially not right after meeting you.
What bothered me most wasn’t even the money. It was the entitlement. The complete lack of shame. Watching someone repeatedly ask for things while giving almost nothing in return.
And somehow, after all of this, he eventually asked me to help him purchase property in a way that would financially disadvantage ME.
That was the moment everything clicked.
I think some people are very skilled at finding generous, empathetic partners and slowly normalizing imbalance until you stop questioning it.
Anyway, I finally ended it. Torn up the drawings, boxed up the gifts, steam cleaned my apartment, blocked the number. Trying to reclaim my peace and my self-respect.
If you constantly feel drained, confused, guilty, underappreciated, or like you’re carrying the entire relationship while the other person coasts... trust that feeling earlier than I did.
That discomfort is your intuition trying to save you.