u/Acrobatic_Pool_8880

(Nothing particularly nsfw but thought I'd include in case people wanna share their own stories of that nature.)

I'm just honestly so bored of scrolling through all the straight men profiles on feeld. (I'm in the UK just for context)

Is this simply a poor algorithm?

Are these supposed straight men forgetting to change their gender preferences or are they actually chasers?

Or do we think these are men that need to sit with themselves and have a good think about their sexuality?

I think I find it more exhausting than Grindr truthfully because at least on Grindr true chaser intentions usually become clear pretty quickly and you can just block and move on but on feeld it's like well thought out, sincere profiles and I just find this so frustrating because I can't have a quick peek at your tags which will tell me the truth 🤣

Can anyone else relate to my rant? Ahaha Or if there's anyone that can give me insight into why this is happening pleaaaase let me know your thoughts!

I thought initially It was because my gender had been trans non-binary on feeld for the longest time, so I updated it to be trans man, which is more accurate for me now anyway and it was still the same, loads of straight men!!!

Additionally, I hate that you can't filter by sexuality but that's a rant for another time ahaha

WARNING:

-includes some details of my Sex life w/ my partner, NO graphic detail and NO specific mentions of genitalia.

-mentions of Autism and ADHD

-mentions of Trauma experienced with cis men, NO details of the experiences included

Hellooo,

Apologies in advance for a lengthy post!

I basically wanted to know if anyone else has had experience in navigating the "situation" I'm currently in. (I'm not particularly stressed just wanting to know if there's any way I can help my partner.)

So for context I'm a 27yo queer Trans man and my partner is a 27yo queer Cis man and we'll have been together for 5 years by Nov. He is currently going through the assessments for an autism diagnosis and I'm diagnosed with ADHD-C myself.

We have a very solid relationship, we've experienced a lot in life while together and have always been proactive about having good communication - particularly as our neurodivergent needs can be quite opposing at times. We have been Non-monogamous, in various forms, since the start of our relationship and we've also been aware of and had ongoing discussions about his possible demisexuality over the last year.

As of tomorrow I will be 5 Months on T, and he's been very happy for me about the changes I've been experiencing both physically and emotionally, he's noticed a positive difference in my mood - we've light heartedly discussed that the only thing he's not a fan of is my ability to "get angry" about things now but he relates to this with the "anger" he had to learn to navigate as a teenager himself.

(I used to struggle with pmdd and my only reaction to bigger/complex emotions used to be hysterical crying, with a mixture of T and the mini pill, I'm finally able to navigate my emotions without feeling completely overwhelmed and that means I'm learning how to navigate anger properly for the first time because I've truly not been able to experience this emotion without the placifying relief of a good cry!)

He's enjoyed relating to a lot of the changes my 2nd puberty has presented me and being able to help me navigate certain things, like learning outlets for processing anger and stubble maintenance for example ahaha🤣

The one thing we've both noticed he is struggling with rn, is sexual intimacy with me - he's not a stranger to experiencing sex with trans masculine people on hormones but has seemed to lose confidence with regards to sex with me these last couple months and has been feeling apprehensive about sexual intimacy with me.

As he struggles with identifying his emotions, we're a bit stuck on how to navigate this so that he can feel confident again! Usually I'm able to assist him in identifying what emotions he's experiencing when faced with "a problem" but because this is regarding his feelings about me, I've not been able to help him identify, for him to then begin processing what he's experiencing.

There are a handful of things that I suspect may be contributing to his anxieties and lack of confidence:

My libido and desires have certainly amped up, we recognise that I have more Kinky interests than him, (this isn't an issue for me whatsoever - I don't require that from him to have a fulfilling sex life together) and have been exploring those kinks more with a friend of mine recently. **

He has expressed that he feels frustrated with the fact that we're discovering the usual "routine" ways I enjoy being touched/pleasured have changed and he doesn't feel confident in his ability to pleasure me and help me orgasm, and that it's causing him some anxiety around his performance during sex with me.

I have reassured him that I am very much so, experiencing pleasure and that he knows orgasms are never my main goal with regards to sex, (and that I'm experiencing them anyway) - it may just be taking longer to get me there currently as I'm learning what I enjoy nowadays and slightly tmi but the sounds I'm able to make during sex these days are different because of changes to my voice, so I think he's perceiving that to mean I'm not enjoying myself in the same way.

**I did ask him about whether he is feeling uncomfortable about the friend I've been seeing (who is a queer Cis man, I've predominantly been having sex with other trans people prior to this, and we also know that he has a harder time trusting/feeling safe when it comes to cis men because of trauma he's experienced in the past) and he was adamant that even tho he has been experiencing some apprehension and feelings of not quite jealously but more fomo about the fun dates I've had with this friend, that he's happy for me and any negative feelings he's experiencing are things he wants to/knows are for him to work on independently. So I'm trusting that he means this, I've given him lots of space to say otherwise and will continue too.

Just to preface we're not interested in implementing any changes with regards to our Non-monogamy, but I'd love to know if anyone else has experienced something similar with an autistic partner, and if anyone with an autistic partner or is an autistic partner themselves to a trans man has any advice or guidance on how I can further support/reassure him about this?

I fully suspect that it could just be that he simply needs some time to adjust to and get used to the changes my body is experiencing, as the concept of something you were comfortable with being different/changing can be overwhelming and dysregulating even if you feel positive about the change. (I experience this myself with regards to change.)

So currently, I'm opting to just give him all the space he needs, focus on managing any feelings of sexual frustration I experience myself to lessen the pressure on him (not that I see it as a responsibility of his, of course!) as well as letting him know that I'm okay, there's no expectation to "fix" this as a relationship concern and that I'm ready to chat more about it whenever he feels he has the capacity.

If you have any other insight about what he may be experiencing/ how to support him, I'd love to hear about it!!

Thank you for reading ❤️