The "fetishization of white gay men" discourse is giving reverse racism
Ok so I've had enough of this. Since a lot of people don't read actual books anymore, let alone from authors they typically wouldn't seek out, there are a variety of books that go in depth about racial fetishization, I have increasingly been hearing discourse about "well Black or other POC gays fetishize white gay men too". I've seen a number of Reddit posts on it about this topic, and NONE OF THEM point out that it is very different when white men fetishize a POC, especially Black, and when POC fetishize white men, especially when Black men do it.
POCs are not the dominant group. The way beauty standards and racial hierarchies are dictated is rooted in those with the power to do so, which is from white men. It shapes the gay community at large and whiteness is centered. POCs who fetishize have been conditioned by those structures that are rooted in the power that the dominant group has that associates whiteness with higher status, proximity to power, and many other social advantages. So when whiteness is constantly elevated and rewarded, it is very different from when white men fetishize POCs.
The adult film industry is a very good example of this. It is white men who own the overwhelming majority of these companies. The only requirement it seems for Black men is to fulfill their "BBC" fantasy. Black men gotta have the inches, but will get paid less than white men with less inches. Asian men are almost never tops of any man, and most interracial Blk/wht relationships the Black guy is the top. Y'all can pretend that there isn't some element of race play in a lot of interracial relationships, but you'd be fooling yourselves and most of y'all aren't ready for that conversation about unconscious bias. You think because you aren't engaged in role play as master and slave that you are free from there being a hint of racial stereotypes at play in your interracial relationships.
I'm also a clinical therapist and I was initially taken aback about how often race is like the elephant in the room when I have done couples therapy with interracial couples; especially Black/whte interracial couples. Our desires aren't formed in a vacuum and we are all victims of conditioning; even white people. Of course this doesn't apply to all interracial relationships, but if you are offended by it then ya know...if it doesn't apply let it fly.
But I really need people to start reading books from authors that have studied racial fetishization extensively, and not just go off of what you and your gaggle of gays shared with each other at brunch over the weekend based off of your personal experiences and what you observe on Grindr. I really wish we could have more serious and in depth discussions about these things because most of the conversations I have seen on similar topics, in my opinion, are very intellectually lazy and only scratch the surface on what is a very complicated topic that has historical roots going back to slavery.
I also say this as someone who is Black and didn't have the typical experience with white men the way a lot of Black men do. I am very fair skinned and have phenotypical features that society praises. The way I dress and speak is anything but the DL thug of your BBC chasing fantasy. So I was more accepted into white spaces beyond sex and was taken more seriously as a romantic partner because I didn't fit the stereotype. It was almost half like being allowed in "the club", but a lot of y'all tell on yourselves when you are around Black people that are palatable to you and not like "those other Blacks".
I grew up in a predominantly white upper middle class neighborhoods and went to predominantly white primary and secondary schools, as well as a predominantly white university. I internalized the same social hierarchies and thought white boys were the prize. I also viewed Black men in the same demonic ways that many white and non Black POCs do where the hypersexuality was the lens I approached them with, but was hesitant to ever consider many of them for relationships. Yes, Black people can be antiBlack and fortunately I did a lot of work to unravel that through the years; work that many people don't want to take the time to do. We don't like to have to really challenge what makes us aroused, and analyze why we have certain desires because it will probably reveal uncomfortable truths. It is why people love to hide behind the word preference. Some are genuine with it, but many people's prejudice is masquerading as "preference". But many of y'all aren't ready for that conversation either; another one I usually find intellectually lazy.
So in conclusion, the whole "well white gay men are fetishized as well" discourse that omits critical nuance to the discussion, is giving "reverse racism", which doesn't exit. Please stop and strive for a level beyond mediocrity if you are going to initiate these types of discussions. Reddit is obviously not a site where you need to be a specialist or be peer reviewed to post something, but it is annoying as hell to those of us who have read extensively about this topic, and have it watered down from people who sound like they read with their finger.