r/AskBlackGayBros

I was making out with this guy I met recently. We were very horny and wanted to have sex but we didn't have a condom. I consented to the sex but told him to at least pull out to at least some what mitigate any chance of sti etc he said he would. But during the act I felt him cum inside me and when I asked if he did he denied it. But then when I got home I pushed out a gigantic load of his cum. I texted him angry and he denied at first but then later on admitted that I felt so good he just didn't want to come out. I'm so angry because I did not consent to essentially Being creampied. Is this enough to press charges over?

Hi everyone and thanks for taking the time out to read this and please go easy on me, I’m nervous writing this..

Let me give some context. I’m 35 year old black man that reside in Georgia and I’m not fully out yet.. so I label myself as DL. Everything is so complex these days until i don’t know how to label myself 🤣. Let me break it down a little. I tried coming out to my brother, he cursed me out and said I better be joking. I tried telling one of my best friends, he stopped talking to me for two years. I was in a relationship for 5 years with a guy and he cheated on me repeatedly. So of course I went into a deep depression. Also, I’m a bigger guy, big and tall..so I already had it in my mind no one wants me.. so I just wanted no one..

After some time, I started therapy and I told my mama that I was gay. She was open and accepting, she wanted me to tell all my family right away.. HELL NO! I’m apart of a big family and I hear them talk… I would rather tell my family when I have a reason. I thought I would’ve come out by now, but I haven’t and I’m still processing. (More to that) I’m not getting any interest.. and when I do have a guy(s) interested in me, it’s just for sex or they’re so damaged until It goes nowhere. I’ve tried apps(both dating and for friends), and because I’m a bottom I’ve been told the following: I’m too masculine, I’m not gay forreal, I’m trying to be tough and need to tap into my feminine side.. 😒🙃 I’m just being me. I love masculinity and I’m just masculine with a touch of sumn🤣.

I’ve healed, I’ve learned accountability, I’ve gained acceptance I may just be alone. 😮‍💨😔 and yes, I do want to find love again. I’m okay dating someone and coming out after a year or two of dating to the people that matters. I’ve never dated or even attempted to date a girl since middle school. I refuse to play with someone heart and emotions for my own personal gain or image. However, I just wanted my homeboy in the streets and my daddy in the sheets🫣😂

What do I label myself? Discreet? Closeted Gay?

Update: Saying “when I have a reason”.. I’m not waiting to come out FOR anyone.. I would be coming out for myself, as I’ve tried and partially already started. So if I don’t come out before meeting my person, I’m defining reason as- I met my person and I know this is about to become a serious relationship. Traveling, investments, holidays with family type of thing.

It could be very well what or how I present myself, how or what I look like on them and there's nothing inherently wrong with older men, but thorough my experiences, it's never anyone within my age range (I'm 33). Obviously an ideal option is to go outside (if not THE viable option) and meet people, but it makes me question myself.

Even when I go to conventions for vacation, it's never anyone at the event while it's people OUTSIDE of it messaging me, "Oh what's X event?". If anything in general, my grievance is that it's often older white men, never POC or anyone around my age.

My husband and I will be celebrating our 10-year anniversary this November, and we’re looking for somewhere outside of the U.S. that feels special for such a big milestone. Puerto Vallarta keeps coming up as our top choice, especially because we want somewhere that’s LGBTQ+ friendly, lively, romantic, and where we’ll feel comfortable as a Black gay couple. My only question is whether there’s a diverse crowd, particularly other Black travelers there year-round, or if you mostly see that diversity during certain events or special weekends.
We’ve also looked at Curaçao and Aruba, but I keep going back and forth. One video makes them look absolutely beautiful and perfect for an anniversary, and then another makes me wonder if we’d get bored.
We’re definitely not looking for a trip where we just sit at a resort the entire time. We love a good mix of fun, nightlife, beautiful scenery, great food, romantic experiences, excursions, and some grown-and-sexy vibes.
For anyone who has traveled to these places, especially other Black and/or LGBTQ+ couples, which destination would you recommend for a 10-year anniversary?

Depends on how into it I am how long I can last as a bottom.
My top can go well over an hour & I can too if feeling it but if I’m not in the right headspace, I’m ready to wrap it up 20-30 mins in max.

Meanwhile he’s rock hard ready to pound for hours more while I’m feeling paralyzed yet gleeful it’s over 😅

i have recently downloaded grindr and i see the occasional profile of someone who feels the need to tell me that they aren’t interested in a particular race. im white and i haven’t seen anyone exclude me, but i don’t want to hook up with someone racist. should i assume that if someone has such a strong preference against a particular race thats its in their profile, that probably means its based on stereotypes and racism? i would like to hear what opinions you have or im happy to be told that the answers to my question are really obvious

pls delete my post or otherwise let me know if this isn’t the right place for me to ask a question like this!

​

This is a particular conversation that I feel like needs to be had but can only be be understood by a select few. I've dated Blk bisexual/pansexual men who will outright say they prefer white, Latino, Asian etc femboys because they're more feminine than black ones. When you dissect what they mean by that it's usually tied to their race. They've some how masculinized Blk femboys due to their blackness. While being anything BUT Blk makes you appear more feminine to them. I find it highly problematic because it tends to result in these non black femboys being pedestalized while the Blk ones are degraded. I've had so many arguments with Blk men about it who try to dismiss it as a preference but it's more than that. The effects of living in a Eurocentric society has shaped our perceptions and unless you're aware of it, you're not going to recognize why you have these preferences. I often find it's rare Blk men (not all) are will to do the internal work to dismantle white supremacy. Thoughts?

My ex and I were together for 1.5 years in the Navy. During our time together, I put in a tremendous amount of emotional labor: I helped him explore his sexuality, feel comfortable in his own skin, and guided him through the process of coming out to his family.

When I left the service in late 2024, we split amicably under the agreement that long-distance relationships just don't work for us. We stayed cordial. Shortly after, he met another service member. Before transferring to Japan, he fast-tracked an engagement with this new guy who is stationed all the way in Louisiana. The LDR rule suddenly didn't apply. To top it off, he blocked me everywhere and deleted every single photo of us "out of respect" for his new fiancé.

It feels like my maturity, stability, and guidance were used as a safe harbor while he figured himself out, only for our history to be completely scrubbed the moment he felt secure enough to step into his new life. My mind hasn't stopped thinking about this since! Am I wrong for feeling some kind of way about this?

I'm pretty sure the consensus will be "get over it and move on," but damn, that's cold-blooded to me!

The energy comes off as, I love you but give me a couple hours to recover alone.

I am a black guy and I don't typically date other black guys.

I just find it awkward to be with someone that looks like me sexually.

For some reason this seems to aggravate some guys

I can't force myself to be attracted to something I'm not.

I'm not understanding why it's a big deal when it's my sex life

I mean black gay men who exclusively date men. Not bi men, not DL men, not pansexual men ... black gay men who know they are gay and primarily into black gay men.

Metro Atlanta has 2.3 million black people

-> 1.15 million are black males

-->785K are black men between 18-64

---> 2.5% is the most agreed upon estimate of men that identify as exclusively gay but I upped it to 3% b/c it's Atlanta which brings us to 24K. 24K is the eligible bachelor pool of black gay men.

I been in Atlanta for many years and that 24K feels generous to be honest with you. It's scary how many of the men I dated (I only dated black gay men) have dated or messed around with each other at some point. And if you take away handsome bums looking for a sugar daddy, those struggling with serious mental health issues, those struggling with serious addiction issues, and those consumed in the party scene and being outside 24/7, the number is significantly less like 5K to 10K for all of Atlanta!

The gay scene here is so got damn small! People find it hard to believe but I don't know why. I know I made some other posters mad when I said this before b/c in our minds we want to believe there's a lot of us out and proud but there just isn't. I really know most of the black gays here and if I don't somebody I know know them. It's very easy to feel like you run out of dating options even in Atlanta.

Now, before I ask my question, I just wanna say, I'm just exercising my free will. So, try not to judge me lol. I find myself in a predicament and came up with a...idea of a solution. And I'd like some, um, guidance, maybe?...Idunno, but anyway...

So I'm fully verse. But usually, like 95% of the time, I top. There's like a plethora of bottoms where I'm located. And I'm ok with this. But once in a while, I get into the mood to bottom. And I'm not just saying, I want to just sit on it. No, I need ACTIOOOOOON!!! I want my soul touched. Pinned down, bust down, all around. Rounds. Till the paint drips down the walls. I'm talkin, IN ITTTTTT!!!!.

Ya know?

But, where I am, there aren't many black dudes around, and that factors into why I top most of the time. And while, I'm not against being topped by a white guy...that face, you're making right now, yeah. I feel the same way. In my mind, I only see myself being topped by other black men. Personal preference. But you also need to know what you're doing. Can't have people playing around in my bootyhole.

For example: I had one guy that had me on the bed, bent over, and had my cheeks in each hand, and kept shaking them, mumbling "sexy" whatever's. Mind you, I though he was gonna eat it. But no, he just kept shaking it, and kinda "blowing" on it or something...Then, when he put it in, his stroke was so...weak. There was plenty of dick, but he wasn't really "fucking" me. Kinda miner "taps", and "grinding", but no "stroking".

I don't want to say I was bored, but...for some of us, it takes a lot of effort to clean out. And no one whatsoever their efforts to feel wasted.

Mind you, this isn't like a fantasy or something. I know how I like to be handled when I'm in the "Downward Dog" position. I've come to realize I enjoy being "stressed out". There was this one guy, who, mind you, was two hours late, who had me pinned to the bed like a pretzel. He was assertive, long-winded, and had me stressed for a couple of hours. Outstanding.

I would like to add, this is not a size thing. It's a skill thing. I had one guy who, I admit, I prejudge. "Good size, but I've had bigger. No biggie though." I didn't think he'd be deep diving. I thought it was gonna be a standard hook-up...

This man had surgical precision. I could feel him in my toes. R. Wiggum - "I'm in danger."

So, it's fair to say my options are a bit scarce out here.

So here's my solution:

I'm thinking of trying to make connections in other places. I'm single. And I should be mingling. But in the location I'm in, there's not enough "us" for me to mingle with. And at this point in my life, don't mind taking a flight somewhere for a weekend and re-discovering where my spleen is.

Distance is a construct anyway.

So I figure if I reach out online, and connect with other black men, explain what we're looking for, yada, yada, this would be a great way to scratch this itch. Takes more time, but I'm betting on the quality of the interaction because of the time. They feel me out a bit, I feel them out a bit. Exchange some pic, FaceTime from time to time. Talk about status and boundaries.

Figure out a safety word.

Then get into it.

If I was getting my insides-turned-outside every six months, I'd be a happy camper.

And I, by no means, am looking for a male harem. Just one or two skilled individuals who can match my frequency, that I can hit up every couple months and be like "Yo, what's your weekend look like?". No complications, no hag-ups, no weird stuff, no tapping out, just two people(?) playing Twister, enjoying each other's company for a moment. And then carrying on.

My questions being:

1. Is this a bit extra? Am I doing the most?
2. Does anyone have this sort of dynamic, or similar, in their life? And how's that been for you, if you don't mind me asking...
3. What online spaces would be the best to reach out on? ( I was thinking of A4A. God, I miss the days of "BGC"...R.I.P).
4. Any questions? lol

Hii, so I’m from the Caribbean and I’m gay. Unfortunately, the Caribbean is VERY homophobic. They’re more lenient with lesbians because they’re women & they’re attracted to them. There’s this situation going on rn because 2 men were caught in the act by another man recording from the outside. Now it has people throwing jokes and homophobic banter.

I’m honestly tired. I’m 18 and I can’t even express myself. I feel like I have a personality disorder because I’m trapped in a nonchalant state that I’m truly not happy in. I wish to move out because I can’t stand the negativity of these people. For everyone, they are just jokes and shit. I have major anxiety problems with this. They’re so bigoted & uneducated it hurts. The reason I’m even writing this now is because I saw a video saying men only turn on this way because we were touched (R word) as kids. Ugh, I can’t take it anymore. I’m constantly surrounded by homophobic people, and even girls whose guy friends are obviously gay post homophobic things when the enemy is closer than they think. Any country suggestions that are safe for gay Black men?

Hey y’all! I’ve been feeling a bit insecure lately after what was supposed to be a fun sex party. I live in LA and always saw this recurring meet up for black gays pop up regularly. I decided I’d take a chance and go, especially since I have primarily hooked up with Latino men, and have been wanting to have sex with my fellow black gays.

I get ready, have a shot or two for liquid courage, and make my way to the venue, where I discover it’s filled with super fit, hot black men. Now, if I had to rate myself, I’d say I’m a 5 or 6, with my height doing the heavy lifting. But I felt immediately insecure that I was having a hard time getting anyone to play with the sounds and low visible sights of sex everywhere. Suffice to say I left after 45 minutes and only having fun with one guy who didn’t wanna fuck yet. I’ve been to sex clubs with a more diverse group, and I haven’t had much trouble finding someone to have sex with (granted, it depends on the night).

I’d love to continue going to these parties and making connections with other black gays, but I also know I’m still insecure about my body, and rejection still feels like my ego is wounded. Any advice on how to move past rejection, and get thicker skin? How much should I continue trying before it gets easier to engage in spaces like this?

23M

Hi everyone, it’s been something I’ve been thinking about about a lot, but what are the “best” or “optimal” cities for Black gay men with all things considered: whether career, romantic life, or simply overall happiness/safety? The question is already resounding in my head: where can I see myself settled?

I’ve been in NYC for over 5 years, but will now be leaving to embark on a management trainee rotational, including an international rotation in France, and I’m curious about where I can actually see myself returning to after everything is said and done. There’s a high probability of me returning to NYC shortly for graduate education, but beyond that, I’m sort of at a standstill.

For more context, I’m pivoting into sustainability/energy (you’re probably thinking duh, Texas at this point), but I want a place where my romantic life/ability to foster genuine connections and friendships isn’t sacrificed merely for career.

Lots of “internalize homophobia” was thrown out there but others claimed, there’s nothing more manly than taking a dick and the physical and mental strength needed to endure the pain to find it pleasurable.

Perhaps the questioner was wrestling with the idea of being a masc bottom but wondering where he fits in with the traditional feminine bottom stereotype.