u/AdDifferent5276

My best friend of 5 yo 6 years has picked up on my worsening mental state, at the same time the distance between what we once were has widen to a massive amount. At first I would be so anxious and feel like I had to perform and be happy so they didnt worry or wonder about how I am feeling. But then because I was putting so much effort into looking ok I distanced myself to the point I feel like a somehow grieved the friendship and convinced myself that she would never feel the same about me.

Now I cant muster any energy to feel sad, excited, happy, or even angry when I interact and try to maintain the small connection we still have. I somehow feel like she doesnt care about me, we had a conversation about why I have been so distant and not responsive and still wanting to maintain face i gave a vauge depressing answer.

I know thinking that my best friend doesnt care is unfair to her because I still refuse to open up to her, I dont know why even on reddit I still want to be vauge and closed off, ill just spit it out but Im or maybe was in love with my best friend. How am I supposed to tell her one of the reasons ive been so depressed is that I know she will never love me back ?

I cant tell her I think losing my only friend, best friend and right now someone I am or was deeply in love all at once would crush me.

Still I would rather have my best friend in my life then not at all but I dont how to open up, I dont know how to maintain this friendship when I feel myself becoming emotional exhausted and fearful.

Hello im trying to get advice on how to bite the bullet i guess for my building jealousy and resentment for my best friend. I have been friends with my Best friend for about 5 to 6 years. My best friend is my only friend and I only go out and do activities and experiences with her.

I understood earlier on that was quite unhealthy and tried hanging out by myself or with my family. Its fun and I don't mind it. But I get increasingly insecure whenever I hang out with my best friend she is gorgeous and she is so wonderful to be around and everyone knows it. We go protesting, time and time again ppl stop her to compliment and we go eat ppl stop her and smile and try to chat and get her number to top it off ppl dont even acknowledge im standing right next to her. Just a polite hello and gone

I am insecure and I'm a open book my feelings have been noticed by her and it mortified me. I know looks shouldn't matter i know to her im beautiful no matter what.

I feel so ashamed that she can tell when I get sad and quiet. Now I can't stop myself from comparing and I just want to stop feeling this way.

I've tried thinking about solutions, this is what I have so far:

1. I tell my best friend how I am feeling and hope she is not disgusted by me and leave me.I know that sounds dramatic but she has told me in the past that when she gets confronted about a issue or confessed to she ghosts automatically and is disappointed by her old friends behavior.
2. I distance myself till I just get over it, I often just self isolate cause one its free and easy since we both have busy schedules.

These are the only solutions i could think of.

Anyways thank for reading. Idk how to end these sort of things.