My Girlfriend (19F) and I (18F) Had Sex and I Don’t Know How To Feel About It- Any Advice For Handling This Situation?
So me [18F] and my girlfriend [19F] had sex. She's nineteen. I'm eighteen. I really don't know how to feel about it. For context, I was raised very conservatively like racist, homophobic type conservatively. Ironic, isn't it? Anyhoo, We've been dating for just over two months, and we said to each other our timelines, for certain romantic events, like sex, marriage, etcetera. I said, like, you shouldn't have sex until you're, like, going to get engaged or something like that. Yet here I am. I don't know what to do, and it wasn't like it was Internal sex. Clothes on and everything. i talked to her about it. You made the joke of don't feed the gremlins after eleven PM. And I think I love her, but that makes me feel any worse because it's just I think. I really don't know how to feel or what to do. vibrations kinda scattered. I feel really embarrassed and overwhelmed and hot in the face. LOL. I feel so guilty for doing it because I feel like it ruins a relationship. That makes sense at a certain time, especially with their age. And I know in a lot of today's culture, it is very much not like that. But for me, I like to take very intimate acts like that very, very intentionally. Like, months into it. Perhaps it comes from my background, but also I believe that it can be overall better for relationship as it prevents over emotional bonding without fully knowing the person. Yet here I am defying my own rules and my own beliefs. She is my first real girlfriend. The only relationship that I've really had before was a year long relationship with this dude in eighth grade to middle of ninth grade. when I realized I didn't actually really like him. I'm graduated now. I feel like I should know these things, and I know that in today's culture, I'm kinda old for this, but I'm overall still just absolutely flustered. I feel regret, I think. Maybe more just that wasn't the best idea. For additional context, it was grinding on each other‘s legs and using our legs to put pressure. And also a side part of me is I really hope my mom didn't hear. Looking for any advice really!
TLDR: I had clothes on sex with my girlfriend and idk how to feel about it, like maybe it was to early after 12 months considering we originally said at time of engagement would be our timeline to have sex.