u/AdStreet9904

Im scared that my fear of being ugly is holding me from becoming the man i want to beThis week, I finally started testosterone after years of searching for it. I’ve known I was trans since 2020, but one of the main reasons I delayed the process—and something that still haunts me—is the fear that T will make me "ugly."

​Since I was a child, I was conditioned to believe that beauty is everything. Years of constant bullying for not being "attractive" made me incredibly insecure. Even after a "glow up" and having people tell me I’m attractive now, I still struggle to see it myself.

​I’ve worked so hard for years to reach a point where I’m comfortable enough not to cry when I look in the mirror. While I deeply crave becoming the man I’ve always dreamed of being—the guy with the deep voice, sharp jawline, tattoos, piercings, and above all, the happiness of being my true self, I’m terrified of losing what I fought so hard to gain

​I’m scared of the "puffy face" phase or my face becoming fat, of gaining weight, or losing my hair. I’m worried that the vision I have of myself will never happen and that my terror of being "ugly" again will hold me back from my own transition.

​Has anyone else felt this way? How do you deal with the fear of losing the "safety" of your current appearance to pursue your true identity? I’d really appreciate any advice or personal experiences you can share.

This week, I finally started testosterone after years of searching for it. I’ve known I was trans since 2020, but one of the main reasons I delayed the process—and something that still haunts me—is the fear that T will make me "ugly."

​Since I was a child, I was conditioned to believe that beauty is everything. Years of constant bullying for not being "attractive" made me incredibly insecure. Even after a "glow up" and having people tell me I’m attractive now, I still struggle to see it myself.

​I’ve worked so hard for years to reach a point where I’m comfortable enough not to cry when I look in the mirror. While I deeply crave becoming the man I’ve always dreamed of being—the guy with the deep voice, sharp jawline, tattoos, piercings, and above all, the happiness of being my true self—I’m terrified of losing what I fought so hard to gain.

​I’m scared of the "puffy face" phase, of gaining weight, or losing my hair. I’m worried that the vision I have of myself will never happen and that my terror of being "ugly" again will hold me back from my own transition.

​Has anyone else felt this way? How do you deal with the fear of losing the "safety" of your current appearance to pursue your true identity? I’d really appreciate any advice or personal experiences you can share.