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Hi I don't know what's going on with me and thought maybe I'll get some answers here. I'm ftm and been pretty okay with that I think. Its been over a decade but I've started to get tired of "pretending" to be cis, I don't want to be ashamed of my body parts anymore but have no interest in bottom surgery. I'm okay with myself as I am but society isn't very keen on men or male presenting people with vaginas and otherwise female coded body parts. For most of my transition I've kept circling back to the idea of "could I have just managed to live as a girl/women" a few times a year. Then I'll look up detrans stuff to compare experiences and never relate to anything. I don't want to dress differently than I do now (masculine), don't want to throw myself into the opposite gender roles or whatever. Kind of just wanna chill without dealing with dysphoria about shit I can't change. Maybe my thinking is completely flawed and incomprehensible but I'd like some input. Don't know who I could talk to about this even without everyone thinking I'm gonna detransition and that I regret everything. So I'm posting here.